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MIL's behaviour: strange or not?

(47 Posts)
sugarsinner Sat 23-Jan-16 20:14:07

I come from a family of quite rational people who don't have high expectations of me, they're happy to see me when they do and are happy for me to go when I'm ready.

MIL isn't like this at all.
She is extremely over bearing and after asking her to keep a bit of distance between her and DS and I, she has treated me very coldly eber since. This is fine. Whatever.
What I find completely bizarre is the way she then acts around DS when she sees him. When we visited this week, she was waiting in the drive way for us and scrambled to the car, yanked open the door and shrieked "oh, he's here, MY baby!"
It was all a little strange and over the top. We only live a mile away from her and she sees DS every couple of weeks for a good few hours at a time, so hardly like she ever sees him.
She obsesses over DS all the time, wants to know everything he's doing, what he's eating, thinks she hears him when she's walking down the street and is always disappointed to see it's another child. It's like she thinks I've stolen HER baby or something. It's weird.
She's even been talking of building another house on her land and has mentioned us moving in to it (not a chance.) She buys DS things and never gives them to us, but leaves them at her own house such as bedding etc. I find it a bit creepy tbh. I've mentioned it to DH who thinks her behaviour is 'sweet.'
Is it sweet or just plain strange?

loveyoutothemoon Sat 23-Jan-16 20:18:19


caravanista Sat 23-Jan-16 20:20:24

She loves him! Lucky DS to have a doting grandmother. I hope when your DS is a Dad you will get more understanding from his DW.

IamTheWhoreofBabylon Sat 23-Jan-16 20:21:34


Sunflower1985 Sat 23-Jan-16 20:23:36

I have one of these and it annoys the heck out of me. SHE WON'T CHANGE though.

IamTheWhoreofBabylon Sat 23-Jan-16 20:23:57

Considering you live so close though it does sound like you limit contact
She may relax if you saw more of her

PeppasNanna Sat 23-Jan-16 20:24:49

As a grandmother myself i think its a little strange.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged Sat 23-Jan-16 20:25:39

Normal. My otherwise perfectly rational mother would do anything for ds1. He's her first grandchild and the golden boy. He has his own room at her house, loads of clothes, toys etc that live there. She totally dotes on him. There's nothing sinister there though - and it's gorgeous watching their relationship develop.

Having said that, it clearly makes you feel uncomfortable, so maybe your situation is slightly different. Your children, your rules. So if you don't like it, mention it to her.

AnotherTimeMaybe Sat 23-Jan-16 20:25:41

I think it's sweet , you probably don't like her that's why you react like this
Tbh she's not overbearing or anything she's not at your house constantly she's not calling you all the time, she's just thinking about him too much... Let her be..

SirVixofVixHall Sat 23-Jan-16 20:26:42

Well she does obviously adore him. Surely that is better than a MIL who isn't bothered? I'm guessing you feel overwhelmed by her generally and that's why it annoys you. If you loved her, and had grown up with similar parents, you'd probably think it was lovely, but it is hard to adjust to a completely different style of family. I would try and see it as a positive thing, he will grow up feeling really loved and wanted by his granny, and that is nice. I loved my Granny but she never seemed all that pleased to see me!

dilbert19912 Sat 23-Jan-16 20:27:12

I would just put it down to her enjoying spending time with ds and gc. YOu asked her to keep a distance, i find that so cheeky!
A lot of people put up with oddness of inlaws even if they are super different to their own families.

Jibberjabberjooo Sat 23-Jan-16 20:27:32

Why's wrong with her having stuff to keep at her house? Do you really want to take bedding over everytime he stays?

My mil has toys at hers, saves me bringing them and it gives them something different to play with.


ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged Sat 23-Jan-16 20:29:48

Mil, on the other hand, had two grandchildren before ds1 arrived and couldn't give two hoots about him. I find that weirder!

clippityclop Sat 23-Jan-16 20:31:46

If she lives so close why not see her more often, just for an hour here and there. She's not going to change, but more visits will make the time together less of an occasion for her. Involve her. She's his gran, get in with it and give her a chance. Who knows you may get to know her better and like her more. I love my mother in law to bits and love hearing her stories about my husband and his siblings when they were babies.

Melonaire Sat 23-Jan-16 20:38:34

What's the history between you? You felt that you needed to ask her 'to keep a bit of distance between her and' your DS and you? What was the overbearing behaviour?

sugarsinner Sat 23-Jan-16 20:38:51

Just to make a few things clearer, we had to ask MIL to keep her distance as she was turning up unannounced on a daily basis after DS was born, calling at all hours, criticising my parenting (breastfeeding was selfish as nobody else could feed him.) She used to call me 'cruel' for waking him for feeds during the day, she meddled in our finances, warned me of hurting her son when we first got together and turned nice as pie again when DH entered the room...
the list goes on. So I guess my feelings have a lot of pent up history behind them and this is another alarm bell for me. Just not sure this should be! She adores DH and would never do anything to harm him, me on the other hand...
I just worry she has some strange obsession and wants to control everything, the way she controlled and still controls DH.

sugarsinner Sat 23-Jan-16 20:40:28

*adores DS

RaspberryOverload Sat 23-Jan-16 20:46:35

Given the OP's latest post, I'd put the behaviour in the strange category.

Melonaire Sat 23-Jan-16 20:46:57

I assumed it had to be something pretty bad. What a horrible way to treat the mother of a newborn.

I think the current behaviour sounds like a granny that's a bit overexcited. In light of her previous behaviour though I can totally see why it worries you. At least you've managed to get strong boundaries in place.

janethegirl2 Sat 23-Jan-16 20:50:01

I'd definitely keep my distance. It seems as if she wants to control you and your Ds as she controls your dh.

BlackEyedPeas Sat 23-Jan-16 20:50:05

She is a devoted mother.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 23-Jan-16 20:51:20

Visiting every two weeks is not a low amount of contact and it's not limiting it!

If the child does not stay over then it's weird that she keeps hold of the stuff she gets him if he does then it's not.

Being so over the top can be incredibly overwhelming for loads of people children included

Janeymoo50 Sat 23-Jan-16 20:56:06

She's scarily weird. Basically she thinks you are not good enough for her son and hates you. She'd love nothing better than her son to move back in with her with the baby. She sounds unhinged.

AnotherTimeMaybe Sat 23-Jan-16 20:56:44

I change to 'strange' after your last post
Just keep an eye on her
Good luck flowers

scarlets Sat 23-Jan-16 20:57:17

I was uncertain having read your OP but following your further info, I think that she sounds overbearing and pushy.

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