Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dp of 16 years has left & i feel indifferent.

(12 Posts)
PeppasNanna Sat 23-Jan-16 16:07:42

Dp &:i have been together 16 years. 4 dc. Split 4 times in the last 7 years. I asked him to leave & he did last friday.

I was dreading it as when he left before i was in a real state. This time...nothing. I do feel guilty & a bit sad. I am tired as no break from the dc & 2 have SN so very hard work.

But otherwise I'm quite realieved.

Anyone else this after a long relationship? Am i in shock or denial?

Am i just plain horrible?

ivykaty44 Sat 23-Jan-16 16:21:24

If you have split 4 times in 7 years I guess you have had time and again time to detach from this relationship over and again and now there isn't anything left.

Which tells you a lot about your way forward

PeppasNanna Sat 23-Jan-16 16:29:01

No i didn't detach until the last 2 years.

There isnt anything left sadly. He of course us very surprised & asking to make a go of it. I can't agree to him coming home. I cant imagine it will ever change. I lost all hope of it improving over this last year.

I do feel guilty as he wants to come home.

ivykaty44 Sat 23-Jan-16 17:25:21

No need to feel guilty
You are letting him go and be able to be eventually with someone who will be happy with him

kittybiscuits Sat 23-Jan-16 17:55:48

Or miserable with him....

I felt nothing when my ex left. He was hideous and I had detached over a number of years. Actually I felt relief.

PeppasNanna Sat 23-Jan-16 18:00:58

His indifference to me has made me so angry & bitter.

Hes totally passive, lazy & indifferent to me, the dc & our home. Its so disrespectful.

I hope he meets someone else to look after him. Hes a middle aged man whos never lived by himself.

He took our 2 dd out today. Hasn't even asked after our 2 ds.

The boys haven't even asked where their dad is. He hasnt seen them in 10 days.

I need to control myself as hes making me really angry again...

Justdisappointed Sat 23-Jan-16 18:06:05

Hi I alternate between feeling nothing, mourning the loss of what might have been, and occasionally a ray of happiness. I don't think you are unusual, what may be unusual is your honesty in expressing it. Given that he wants to make a go of it you also have the knowledge that you could change your mind if you really wanted to.
I wish you the best.

Justdisappointed Sat 23-Jan-16 18:08:30

Cross posted with your latest. I'm surprised you're not jubilant rather than indifferent in that case!

PeppasNanna Sat 23-Jan-16 18:17:05

Thankyou Justdisappointed.
I keep thinking he will kick 'in' & do 'something' but he doesn't ever know what to do, so does nothing.

Im just tired. Been cleaning all day. Boys haven't stopped. Garage let me down about returning my car so no car til Monday. The boilers packed up...yet again, need to get dinner sorted etc... confused

littleleftie Sat 23-Jan-16 18:45:45

Why did he only take the DDs out and not the DSs? Especially if he hasn't seen them for ten days. Is it because it's the boys who have SNs and he can't handle them? Or can he only cope with 2 DC at a time?

Gosh that sounds really harsh and you must be so angry. He sounds utterly useless.

It's awful when house issues flare up and you are on your own dealing with bloody everything, but just keep reminding yourself he probably wouldn't have been any help anyway! flowers

PeppasNanna Sat 23-Jan-16 19:10:44

Go me...i got the heating going! grin

Hes never taken all 4 dc out. Hes never taken the 2 boys out together, thinking about it. They are 7&10.

They are difficult to manage especially outside. They can't cope in shops or inside places with lots of people. I take them to parks, go swimming, forest walks, sometimes museums (go first thing on a Sunday) but dp doesn't like doing that sort of stuff do the boys dont want to go out with him.

His attuide to the boys is fundemental in our relationship breaking down. I've tried talking, explaining, educating & even pleading with him to learn & understand Autism/ADHD /Sensory Processing Disorder but i can't get through to him.

SolidGoldBrass Sat 23-Jan-16 19:16:38

Good riddance, then. Your boys will almost certainly be better and happier without this useless man in their home treating them as an inconvenience.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: