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Anyone separated but living in same house?

(5 Posts)
macnab Fri 22-Jan-16 12:22:43

I'll try to keep it brief. Been with husband for 18 years, married 12. We have two children, 5 & 7. He is not abusive or controlling. But he does not love me. He's also extremely lazy and does absolutely nothing around the house (I follow the "incompetent husband" thread with interest) and there is no, and I mean zero affection or attention from him. I get absolutely nothing out of the marriage. I actually wouldn't even call it a marriage and we certainly have no relationship (albeit he constantly wants sex)
Anyway this morning I had my "deal breaker" not earth shattering or anything but it just made me see so clearly that husband has literally no respect for me whatsoever. I was bringing kids to school and DS told me that lady night I was out (getting car looked at) husband called me on the mobile but I didn't hear it and he said to the kids "that fucking mother of yours isn't answering her phone" I can't explain why this has had such a huge effect on me, but it has. It's my final straw. I'm done.

However we have financial problems, are deep in negative equity and there is just no possible way we could afford to run two properties. Now hopefully things will improve in the future but for now we simply cannot properly separate so will have to continue living in same house. We don't even have a spare bedroom.

We can't be the only ones in this position. I would really like to hear others experiences and advice on how we can live like this for the next number of years, in particular how we can do it so our children are least affected

Thanks, and apologies for such a long post.

bb888 Fri 22-Jan-16 12:45:02

Sorry about your situation, it sounds horrible.
I think its not that uncommon for people to feel trapped by finances.
Would you have any entitlement to benefits if you separated?

macnab Fri 22-Jan-16 13:18:48

No, I work full time and earn (just) over the tread hold for any benefits. But even so the mortgage alone is s huge drain on finances and not something we can get out of due to negative equity.

Hopefully people who are living like this will be able to share their experiences so I have some idea how it can work.

macnab Fri 22-Jan-16 13:19:17

Sorry about typos am on my phone!

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 22-Jan-16 14:00:57

I would seek legal advice re the property and finances with a view to separation. You need concrete information, not mere supposition.

You certainly cannot afford to live in the same house for the next x number of years; that is basically akin to a slow death by 1000 cuts for you and by turn your children.

They cannot afford to further learn from the two of you that a loveless marriage is the "norm"; this is what they are seeing from the two of you currently. This is not the marriage model you at all want to continue to show them, they know all too well that things are not good between the two of you already.

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