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I think I'm going to ruin this (sorry long)

(7 Posts)
Eeyore86 Fri 22-Jan-16 00:53:27

I think I'm going to ruin my relationship, been with my dp for the last 10 months and due to be moving in together next week.

Tonight after securing our new flat I picked him up from a work event we went to the pub (I was driving) and he ended up accidentally knocking my knee (not a huge thing to a normal person but I have chronic pain and a genetic joint condition so the result of this was incredible pain)

We ended up arguing as I drove us back to his and then took my meds as I needed to and wasn't really in any fit state to drive so I ended up staying at his flat.

I think I'm going to ruin this relationship, in the past my partners haven't been overly supportive of my condition and the associated pain even so far as denying that it exists or has any impact, my dp is but when something like this happens it causes so much physical pain, when I'm in pain I become a real bitch, I become very sarcastic and very blunt about the situation (though medication I take in this type of situation may play a part in that) don't mean to be I just can't seem to control that part of me.

Due to the condition I'm accessing counselling about the changes to my life and the current situation, he's been so supportive coming to all assessments and appointment with me I feel awful for blaming him when he hurts me as it is 100% accidental he would never hurt me on purpose.

We've talking about this since getting back to his and he does feel awful for accidentally knocking me, in a busy pub it was an accident waiting to happen and he feels guilty but I feel irrationally angry I feel so angry that this is now my life (the genetic thing was only recently diagnosed)

I don't cope well with pain, and I feel so guilty for pushing him away when he is trying to be supportive, any advice other then sticking with counselling?

goddessofsmallthings Fri 22-Jan-16 01:32:50

My sympathies- chronic pain can be extremely debilitating but with the huge range of pharmaceuticals on offer, no-one should have to contend with persistent pain.

Have you considered asking for a referral to a Pain Clinic? A change of, or some tinkering with, your drug regime, gentle physio, and complementary treatments such as hynotherapy may make your condition more manageable and easier to live with.

PitilessYank Fri 22-Jan-16 01:50:49

I am sorry about your chronic pain, it sounds really tough.

When you say, about your churlish behavior when you are in pain: " don't mean to be I just can't seem to control that part of me", are you sure that you cannot control it? Could you maybe work on developing some control, or at the very least, learning how to excuse yourself when things get bad to spend some time alone in order to avoid adding to your own stress by behaving unkindly to him?

I def think that better pain control on the thing as well, of course, but perhaps a dual approach may help as well.

Sweetsweetjane Fri 22-Jan-16 09:03:09

No time to write much now but I have chronic pain and joint problems too. They impact massively on my life and that of my children so I do understand your frustration. I find it hard work not to be bitter and angry al the time about the many changes to my life that I didn't ask for.
I don't know if I will ever have a normal relationship because of it.
You have my sympathy,

Sweetsweetjane Fri 22-Jan-16 09:06:36

I should just add chronic pain has a direct effect on the nervous system which would account for your mardy attitude! The body is so busy fighting the pain that your nerves are shot. There's lots of recommendations online to help with this.
The pain team at your local hospital should be supportive.

TheStoic Fri 22-Jan-16 09:06:58

That sounds incredibly tough, OP.

Do you work, or do other things outside the house?

How do you react to other people if they accidentally cause you pain?

Eeyore86 Fri 22-Jan-16 11:31:29

Thank you for all your replies.

I've previously been under the pain clinic but I'm not currently open to them, I'll speak to my GP to see whether or not I can be re-referred

I actually tried to leave the situation last night, I said I was going to leave and go home and he came out after me to see if I was ok and didn't want me driving in the state I was in and his flat was closer so I ended up going back there.
Usually in pain I do try and isolate myself and try things like hot bath/heat therapy in general so not to inflict my pain mood ok other people I do recognise that it isn't fair. Taking myself off into the bedroom or a bath might be a good option for when we live together and having a pre arranged signal of some sort could be an option.

Meds wise I'm already on a lot of stuff but worth having a review and seeing if anything else can be tried and look at the comp therapy options previously had acupuncture and that did have a small effect.

I work full time in quite a demanding job thankfully my employers are very understanding and supportive of my conditions and having just been assessed for a wheelchair that should make things easier (though the feelings around that aren't great hence the counselling)

With other people knocking me it depends I guess if it's a stranger in a shop then I generally start to cry just because of the immediate pain and people generally just leave after appologisng and I go sit down or leave as soon as possible if it's a friend or family member i try and remove myself and if they keep seeing if I'm ok or fuss around I do get annoyed. Clearly the answer is to totally remove myself for a while.

He'd never do it on purpose and I know that, he's gutted when it happens but blaming him when it does happen doesn't help either of us and really hurts him I really need to work on that

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