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Trying to make sense of DH's overreaction

(9 Posts)
CostaRicanBananas Thu 21-Jan-16 18:02:00

Re-posting my original text as I got myself mixed up:

Oh my goodness, sorry!!

All was blissfully perfect until yesterday evening. It was my DS' birthday and we took him out for a meal. For some reason, DH spent most of the evening on a mission to bicker but I chose to ignore it so that we could enjoy the celebration. This was until he decided to give DS a huge lecture on why he shouldn't have yet another shower when we got back home from the restaurant. How crazy does it sound? Without going into DS' shower habits, there was nothing wrong or excessive about it and I pointed out to DH that it wasn't a big deal - at this point, DS had already agreed with DH to put an end to it, which again I felt was very unfair. We got home, DH hardly spoke to me and then proceeded to do his 'usual' - which hadn't happened in a long time but it has occurred before!!! - and camped out on the sofa for the night. I absolutely breaks my heart how casually he does this and for no real reason whatsoever. DH's whole reaction was so out of proportion, it was like a slap in the face and selfish as we should have been able to end the evening on a high note. He came into bed this morning, probably so that DS wouldn't see him on the sofa, but didn't try to hug me or anything. We normally make our way to our respective work place together but I just got ready and left. Not a word from him. This was the man who only a few hours earlier was telling me how he loved me more than anyone else in the world.

NOT trying to excuse his behaviour, DH is having issues at work and money is VERY tight at the moment. I could see that he wasn't all the comfortable with me paying for our dinner last night, but that's hardly my fault and he could have suggested an alternative to going to that particular restaurant.

What really baffles me here is how blasé he is about us not sleeping together, not to mention bringing a whole new level of drama and conflict to our relationship - in my view, totally unnecessary.

And not a word from DH all day...which is so sad

Hillfarmer Thu 21-Jan-16 18:08:13

Now all you need to do is ask MNHQ to delete your old thread!

pocketsaviour Thu 21-Jan-16 18:16:59

Is he your DS's dad?

Any possibility he had accidentally walked in on your DS wanking in the shower earlier and was acting out of extreme embarrassment (still very badly handled)

Or, do you think that because he felt "less of a man" because you were paying for dinner, he had to start swinging his dick around just to make it clear he was still in charge and hadn't been emasculated by you using your lady-money?

CostaRicanBananas Thu 21-Jan-16 18:23:46

No, he isn't DS' dad. The shower issue was incredibly silly: DS mentioned that he wanted to wash the hair gel off before going to bed, once we got back from his birthday meal. DH started going on about there being no need, etc. I can't even say that he was thinking 'frugal' as DS hardly ever has an evening shower at home. Then things just got worse as I interfered to get DH to just let go off the subject. There was no effort from his end to lighten things up for DS' sake, seeing that it was his birthday meal. DH has behaved like this before, and last time he had pull all stops to treat us to a lovely meal which he managed to end on a seriously negative note as he was suddenly raging over a relatively small thing.

I think that the sleeping on the sofa is emotional blackmail, as is the 'silent treatment'. I haven't done anything wrong but I also can't understand (not justify or excuse!!!) his behaviour.

Offred Thu 21-Jan-16 19:08:46

He is behaving like an absolute idiot.

DO NOT chase him round trying to fix it.

Just act as though you haven't noticed his stroppy sulking and then when he stops it sit down and ask him to explain what happened.

This is not acceptable behaviour. If he doesn't stop it it will kill your relationship and do lasting damage to DS.

Offred Thu 21-Jan-16 19:11:13

Some people who are unable to deal with frustrations properly react with a cycle of aggressive(shouting)-passive aggressive(sulking) behaviour. It's his problem, it is not appropriate behaviour and he needs to learn a better way to deal with his feelings.

AskBasil Thu 21-Jan-16 19:19:04

Does he often suck the joy out of lovely happy occasions?

Scarletforya Thu 21-Jan-16 19:21:49

Could be be having an affair OP?

Rainbunny Fri 22-Jan-16 05:52:19

Sorry OP! I do think you seriously need to start getting angry! I don't mean start a flaming row with your DH but please stop allowing him to act like a petulant child with no repercussions. I'm guessing he acts this way because he knows he can get away with it. I don't know anything about your situation of course, but I wonder, do you feel unable to tell some straight truths to your DH when he behaves like this? It can't be good for your DS either if he has these tantrums in front of him.

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