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Ex fil - not sure why he keeps phoning

(33 Posts)
coffeeisnectar Thu 21-Jan-16 17:50:44

I split with their son 7 years ago, he's an aggressive, violent man and I've been NC with him nearly 15 months. He no longer sees dd either.

Ex fil calls me regularly, sometimes daily and its driving me mad. He doesn't listen to me, he just talks at me. His wife has, I think, early dementia and he has had a few operations which he details to me when he calls.

He really doesn't understand what his son has done to me and can't understand why I won't let him see dd and at one point kept asking me to take him back. His son has several convictions and a non mol was in place until December.

He called tonight and I'm in the bath. I said hello and said need to make it a quick call as I'm in the bath. He said I wish I was in there with you. I said nothing. He said only joking. Then asked when I'm going into hospital and I said Monday and he then starts telling me about new op he has to have, a fall he had and that he's spoken to the surgeon.....finally get a word in saying hope he's ok, he immediately asks how dd is, say she's fine, watching a film, he switches back to me, he will call me next week. I say no, please don't, I'll be in hospital.

Then he just says bye 50 times and hangs up.

Ffs! Why can't he phone his own kids? It's not like he ever listens to anything I say and I can't seem to get through to him I never want to hear about his son.


TheNaze73 Thu 21-Jan-16 17:52:39

I'd block him

Jan45 Thu 21-Jan-16 17:53:08

You need caller ID!

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Jan-16 17:54:04

He said "I wish I was in there with you" ? That's unacceptable.

You don't have to take his calls. If you don't have caller id, invest in it.

OurBlanche Thu 21-Jan-16 17:55:08

Take a deep breath... tell him to piss off and leave you alone. Choose any words you like.

You have no need to allow him to continue with the abuse, you can see where his son got the general idea from.

Block him, delete him, ignore him.

Take best care of yourself xx

MairzyDoats Thu 21-Jan-16 17:55:47

Do you think there's an underlying motive for calling you or us it just that you're the only one who listens to him?

pocketsaviour Thu 21-Jan-16 17:55:49

Even as I read the thread title I had already answered mentally "because he wants to bang the OP".

Does he ring your mobile or landline? If mobile I'd block his number.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 21-Jan-16 17:55:52

I would block his number from your phone.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 21-Jan-16 17:57:43

The response from you is the reward; you must no longer give him any sort of an audience.

The rotten apple that is your ex did not fall far from the rotten tree that is his own family of origin. He like his son has also refused to accept or take any responsibility for their actions.

coffeeisnectar Thu 21-Jan-16 18:18:00

Wow! I'm shocked at these responses. I thought I'd be called mean for not encouraging a relationship with my dc and that communication lines should be kept open. I honestly feel sick when I see their number come up but if I don't answer he just keeps phoning. Dp says I should be nicer to them but he really is a lovely bloke who doesn't see how nasty some people can be until it's shoved in his face. I just feel very uncomfortable around ex fil and wish he'd just bloody stop calling. Thankfully they live many hundreds of miles away.

I don't know how to block on my phone. Will investigate that <technically challenged>

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime Thu 21-Jan-16 18:20:41

How old is he?

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 21-Jan-16 18:32:32

"I thought I'd be called mean for not encouraging a relationship with my dc and that communication lines should be kept open"

No and your comment below re this man is also why:-

"He really doesn't understand what his son has done to me and can't understand why I won't let him see dd and at one point kept asking me to take him back".

If you find this person too difficult to deal with it will be the same for your both vulnerable and defenceless child. The rotten apple did not indeed fall far from the rotten tree.

If he keeps on phoning then also have no compunction about reporting him to the police for harassment.

coffeeisnectar Thu 21-Jan-16 18:35:18

About 70 I think. My parents are early 70s and just so much easier to be around/talk to.

There is history in that family. He has always treated his wife like a 2nd class citizen, the mum panders to everyone's needs but her own, son has kicked shit out of his dad but dad still hands money to his son and tries to manipulate me for his son. The daughter is lovely. The only sane one out of them all.

AnyFucker Thu 21-Jan-16 18:37:43

He is harassing you

Stop being so bloody nice to him. You owe him fuck-all, certainly not to be his sounding board for moans about his health, nor to be his wank fodder

Get your dp to answer the phone and say you are out/busy every single time but does he fancy some male bonding chat instead ? I guarantee ExFIL will crawl back under the rock he came from

Scarletforya Thu 21-Jan-16 18:39:26

I would screen his calls and never answer again.

That comment about wishing he was in the bath with you is justification for never speaking to him again anyway.

He's nothing to you anyway.

coffeeisnectar Thu 21-Jan-16 18:41:48

I have fought hard to keep my dc safe, both of them. I spent every penny I had getting a non mol, I moved house (twice) and have had to involve the police last year to talk to both ex and his dad to get the dad to stop calling with messages from his son.

I am weary. Just so weary. I've got one dd stressing over uni applications, one needing to see CAMHS and do has only just returned to work after two years recovering from an accident although he's still mot right. I'm having surgery on Monday. We lost a house, we deal with his bloody ex and All the drama that brings. I'm just worn down beyond belief.

Still looking at my stupid phone and can't find a block facility.

PotteringAlong Thu 21-Jan-16 18:44:23

What phone have you got? We might be able to help you.

AnyFucker Thu 21-Jan-16 18:44:26

You are being too compliant

Just tell him to fuck off

What can he do ?

coffeeisnectar Thu 21-Jan-16 18:45:36

Phone is EE Kestrel

coffeeisnectar Thu 21-Jan-16 18:48:05

anyfucker I know. I'm too nice. I will block him if I can. If not will screen. I need to get a backbone. Which ironically is what they are operating on next week.

ExplodingCarrots Thu 21-Jan-16 18:48:19

You need one of these Op if it's a landline he's calling. Works a treat.

ExplodingCarrots Thu 21-Jan-16 18:49:06

Xpost sorry just seen its a mobile sad

AnyFucker Thu 21-Jan-16 18:56:09

If your dp lives there, get him to pick up

Ughnotagain Thu 21-Jan-16 19:02:58

Do this:

It's not ideal as it routes the call to voicemail but at least you've a choice not to listen to it.

FedoraTheExplora Thu 21-Jan-16 19:06:25

Is it an iPhone?

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