Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What shall I do now- help me be strong??

(24 Posts)
Mummystar123 Thu 21-Jan-16 11:28:50

In my other thread I was seeking advice about fining out I was pregnant by a lying cheater, I ended it, told him I was keeping the baby and moved on. A lady I know that is a friend of a friend messaged both myself and his partner on fb and let the cat out of the bag so to speak.
Now he's asking if we can make a go of it and I am spinning again, my head is all over the place.
The facts are that
1. I love him
2. I'm carrying his child
3. He lies to me
4. She has left him and I feel like his sloppy second choice
5. I don't trust him
6. She has messaged him saying 'if she keeps that baby you will never see out kids again'.
He now wants me to have a termination because this baby is unwanted and unloved (his words not mine) and then stay in a relationship with him!
Is he just a completely manipulative bastard or scared or what, I'm having a major bipolar downer at the moment and can't even begin to see this straight.

Itchypaws Thu 21-Jan-16 11:31:51

Dont have the termination just to stay with him as he most certainly will bail out of your relationship once the baby is out of the way

Do what you want to do with your pregnancy and believe me when i say you dont need a liar/cheat in your life ever.

PurpleDaisies Thu 21-Jan-16 11:34:55

Firstly, if you're having a "bipolar downer" do you have someone medical you can talk to? Have you got a nice gp, cpn or crisis team? Sorting that put is absolutely your top priority because doing anything through the veil of depression is ten times worse.

If you want the baby, don't have a termination just to get back with him. He's proved himself to be untrustworthy so he might just be trying to manipulate you into getting rid of the baby and them will drop you afterwards. If you don't feel you want to have the baby that's totally your decision to make but do if for you, not for him.

Do you have anyone in real life you can talk this through with?

BathtimeFunkster Thu 21-Jan-16 11:35:24

Stay away from this poisonous, evil man.

Mummystar123 Thu 21-Jan-16 12:01:31

I have a therapy session booked for Tuesday and having meds review with gp tomorrow as I'm pregnant so weaning off the nasties.

startingmylifeagain Thu 21-Jan-16 12:13:56

What an evil bastard.

You and your baby are worth so much more. Stay strong and keep away from this poor excuse of a man.

There's millions of other kind, decent men in this world who won't lie to you, betray you, or pressure you to terminate a child.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 21-Jan-16 12:28:03

Block him - delete him - ignore him.
Do NOT contact him ever again.
He is a vile pig and you do not need him in your life.
You do want you want to with YOUR pregnancy.
He can go to fuck.
Don't indulge in the drama.
She sounds as bad as him. Leave them to each other and delete facebook.

VoldysGoneMouldy Thu 21-Jan-16 12:29:10

Do not make a decision about keeping the baby based on any promises he has made you, as they will all be lies. You will be doing this alone, but that doesn't mean you can't do it. Make the decision that is right for you, and regardless of what that is, get away from him.

Any person pressuring you into termination is a person you need to be far away from.

Mummystar123 Thu 21-Jan-16 12:33:46

I needed to hear this, I am so strong in every other part of my life except my mop and emotions, I have a good job, house, great kids, get on well with my ex and co parent great and this guy seems to be able to fuck my head sideways!!!

startingmylifeagain Thu 21-Jan-16 12:40:14

Change his name in your phone to "Liar." So every time he rings you you'll be reminded exactly what he is.

You're worth a thousand of him.

Finola1step Thu 21-Jan-16 12:41:52

Steer well clear. He has actually done you a favour because he has given you a massive heads up about his true intentions. He wants you to get back together, terminate the pregnancy and then he will dump you from a great height. You won't see him for dust.

Block him. Delete him. Ignore him. Concentrate on your own well being.

MissyMaker Thu 21-Jan-16 12:52:44

Keep your appointments. Do not make any decisions based on what this man has said. He is no good for you. Look after yourself and make any decision based on what is best for YOU.

Good luck. It sounds a hell of a difficult situation for you xx

Mummystar123 Thu 21-Jan-16 17:10:55

I feel do weak and helpless, I've been crying all day and I can't stop crying now, I've had his ex messaging me all day and all his lies are just unravelling. I feel sick to the bottom of my stomach that I've been so played.

pocketsaviour Thu 21-Jan-16 19:13:47

I think you need to step away from the drama for a bit - it's not good for you nor the baby.

Just because his ex has messaged you, you don't have to read the messages or reply to her. You can tell her "I'm going offline now, thanks for being honest with me" or similar.

You already know that he's a thorough bastard - he's proved that with how he's treated you already. You know you are worth so much more than this. Don't let further evidence of his lies upset you - just take it as more evidence that he is not worth your time or headspace flowers

BlondeOnATreadmill Thu 21-Jan-16 19:24:40

So, he wants you to kill your baby, in order to please his Ex? And you think that he is a keeper? FFS, bin him off. Block him and his Ex. Concentrate on your kids and this new baby. Believe it or not, there are lots of truly lovely men out there. Sadly he isn't one of them. Hold out for better. x

sotiredofthis1 Fri 22-Jan-16 05:39:30

Yes - your baby is worth a million of him. Once a liar and a cheat, always a liar and a cheat.

As for his ex - block her completely. Block both of them.

I hope you feel better soon flowers.

TheVeganVagina Fri 22-Jan-16 05:48:04

Please disregard the fact that you love him. Never base decisions aroumd men like this on love.

Remove the first fact and what are you left with?

Mummystar123 Fri 22-Jan-16 14:41:27

If I take away the fact that I love him him I'm just pregnant by a liar, a cheat and someone who will never actually be there for me or the baby.

tipsytrifle Fri 22-Jan-16 14:57:28

Sadly but bravely, Mummystar, you've just described the situation precisely. My advice would be to get rid of "him and her" and make yourself the centre of any loving and meaningful life. Keep your med appt and talk with GP about options. Find a calm point that states you are in control of it all. From that core point you'll find your way to a decision about your pregnancy chocolate

Finola1step Fri 22-Jan-16 15:27:07

Yes, Mummystar you are, sadly, right. That will be very hard to deal with, it would be for anyone. But it can be dealt with. You can overcome this and move on. With time and support.

Definitely keep your appointments.

Mummystar123 Fri 22-Jan-16 16:50:51

I will keep my appointments, and I will keep my baby. I love him or her already so much and I know I coul never get over the alternative. I've been to a ladies group at church and they are very supportive. I can do this, yes I will miss him and it will hurt like hell at times but the love I have for my child is worth so much more. flowers
Thankyou so much all of you. The advice on here has made me think so much more clearly and may seem like nothing, but has just saved me from making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 22-Jan-16 17:09:49

I do wanna give you a big (((((((HUG))))))) mummy
It must be hard but you are sounding stronger already.
Try to enjoy your weekend.

Mummystar123 Fri 22-Jan-16 17:51:31

It this talk forum, I'm so glad I have support here, it sounds corny but sometimes writing something on here an getting a wider view really can open your eyes. I have been a fool but I won't be one twice. I bought a small pack of cute unisex vests for the baby today. It felt good that I've made the decision. :-)

tipsytrifle Sat 23-Jan-16 00:55:07

You're a brave and independent woman, Mummystar and I wish you all the best. Stay in touch with us all here for support?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now