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Is it a bad thing to alienate people if they're not very nice to you?

(9 Posts)
InnerDiva Wed 20-Jan-16 22:23:07

I was always brought up to think that it's bad to alienate people.

I recently have got rid of several friends from my life who haven't really acted like friends. I think I was putting up with too much crap and not being selective enough in who I let in my life, so I literally cut off anyone who wasn't treating me nicely, and started totally blanking them if I saw them, deleted them from social media, and not making any contact at all. And it's been great, I don't regret it at all.

I was just wondering if it's necessarily a bad thing to alienate people or whether it's something that everyone does and something that's necessary to cut crap people out of your life?

Sorry if this sounds like a weird question.

RedRainRocks Wed 20-Jan-16 22:29:11

Nope. No bad thing at all. You said you feel better for it... then it was the right thing for you. I tend to close the door on friendships/relationships that are no longer working or adding anything of value to my life, more so if they are detracting from it. Is it necessary? I'm sure ten other people can and will give you alternative ways to deal with negativity. I don't think its wrong or right. it's a choice. You made yours.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 20-Jan-16 22:31:20

Ideally you wouldn't let the crap people get so embedded in your life that is becomes a big deal to stop contact.

Normally if a proto-friend treats you badly, you go off them a bit and the friendship never really grows. Civil, polite chat when necessary. Skim over anything from them on social media.

Everyone meets bullies and chancers and general twats. Sometimes they seem nice at first. Then they try to bully you or take advantage in some way. People with healthy boundaries pull back from friendship at that point. It is a completely normal part of life.

The only thing you did wrong was to let people get away with treating you badly for so long.

Good on you for doing the right thing now.

juststoppit Wed 20-Jan-16 22:50:51

Nothing wrong with that, if it was repeated and unwarranted behaviour on their part.

However, real friends are surely allowed to say what they feel, so I'd happily accept the odd vent or non-meeting of minds. Or occasional temporary loss of contact.

Difficult to say without more specifics. I cut off a bunch of friends years ago over (what seems now very trivial) issues, and regret it now.

And dont forget, we're all someone else's idea of crap people. Every one of us. Such is life.

TheNaze73 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:59:57

100% the right thing to do. You can have exactly who you like as a friend. If only it was that easy with some family members

MaisieDotes Wed 20-Jan-16 23:02:23

If a "friend" or anyone else treated me badly to the point that I no longer wanted them in my life, I would consider that they had alienated me rather than the other way round.

RedMapleLeaf Wed 20-Jan-16 23:06:37

I'm not sure that alienate is the right word.

whatdoIget Wed 20-Jan-16 23:08:29

Neither am I RedMapleLeaf!
It's fine to decide not to be friends with horrible people anymore though.

shihtzumamma Thu 21-Jan-16 15:35:57

Not wrong at all. I went through a bad relationship and it made me evaluate my boundaries now you have one strike and your out. Dont feel bad.

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