This might sound a strange question, but I think the biggest breakup of my life from the most serious relationship of my life has left me very deeply affected and I have not fully acklowleged how bad it was that he behaved.
I have turned it on myself, and been left feeling fundamentally unlovable and unworthy in ways that have meant I have issues being close with anyone and I am coming to terms with the fact that I am now drawn to men who don't love me.
Can I ask, presuming that you were with a man that you had a loving, supportive, close and happy relationship that was filled with mutual kindness and no arguing or affairs or difficulties and you shared a home with that person, over years, and were due to marry them - and they decided they did not want to be with you anymore...what would you expect that to look like?
How it looked for me was him disappearing without ever telling me there was a problem.
Being cut off without a penny, although he was the wage earner in our home and he had told me to quit my job to move city to be with him.
Being left without a home very suddenly and him not caring he had put me in that situation.
Losing all my possessions because I was too blindsided / had no money to move them.
Refusing to talk to me at all until about three months after he had left, only sending me cruel messages or very cold phonecalls to tell me how awful I was and he could not live another day with me because I was so awful.
Never letting me ever see or say goodbye to my stepkids, that I'd been raising for years and telling me by text it was better if they just forgot me.
Telling everyone else it was over before he ever spoke to me to know we had a problem - creating (lies) a story of us having problems that made me look bad and like I was lying and turning many people against me.
Him making up things that made me feel like I'd gone absolutely mad.
Him going from my best friend and most trusted person overnight to basically hating me and doing everything he could to destroy my mental wellbeing.
Him going from saying every day that I was the best partner in the world to flipping overnight to saying very cruel things to me, like "no one could live with you" and things like that which made me believe he was the victim.
Him just honestly showing no care or feeling for me ever again from the day he disappeared and never being sorry or caring about me ever again - after years of the opposite.
I feel this has left me completely unable to get close to anyone. I don't understand at all what it was about me that caused any of it because he only ever spoke in generalisations and told me it was all my fault and I had forced him to do it. I never had any idea what he was talking about because all he'd ever done was to tell me I was incredible and perfect so it's left me terrified of intimacy just in case the next person sees whatever he saw.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can anyone analyse my breakup and tell me what I should think?
NinjaHearts · 19/01/2016 18:35
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