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Inconsistent parenting causing difference of opinions

(13 Posts)
mrsmattczuchry Tue 19-Jan-16 11:36:51

I sometimes undermine DH when it comes to discipline. I know the problems with this. I need to work on it. Partly it's because i sometimes think he has been too stern. Usually it's minor but this seemed more significant.

If your child was playing up - big time - and your DH had lost his cool, was telling him to go somewhere we all needed to go and in the end shoved him that way, how would you react?

I said not to push him, and took over the situation. I thought the occasion warranted it.

I know what its like to lose your cool with young children, we all do it. But I would be grateful for somene else to step in and would reflect on how I had managed the situation badly. DH felt undermined.

Marchate Tue 19-Jan-16 11:41:18

It's reasonable and sensible to stop the other parent pushing a child

That doesn't count as undermining

Joysmum Tue 19-Jan-16 11:42:24

My reaction was to instruct my DD to leave the situation and then have a quiet word with DH.

mrsmattczuchry Tue 19-Jan-16 12:10:23

Joysmum, that's probably what I need to do more.

mrsmattczuchry Tue 19-Jan-16 13:03:32

Anyone else please? I'm not brave enough for AIBU!!

Eminado Tue 19-Jan-16 13:09:41

We say "tag" as a way of saying "i think this is getting too heated, take a break and i will take over" and then we discuss it later.

I think you were right to intervene in the pushing.

Joysmum Tue 19-Jan-16 13:14:06

Eminado that's a great idea.

Eminado Tue 19-Jan-16 13:25:05

Awww thanks Joys blush

OP i think you need to tell your DH that in this case it was not undermining because "shoving" is not an acceptable parenting method for either of you to use.

schlong Tue 19-Jan-16 13:31:27

Shoving is out of order and if you hadn't called him out on it your ds would've thought this normal. You so didn't handle the situ badly - your h did.

mrsmattczuchry Tue 19-Jan-16 15:56:42

I was appalled at the shoving.

It happened again in similar circs. I spoke to him about it since in the context of his anger management and when he didn't get it I ended up telling him it was abusive and wasn't to happen again.

Wondered if I overeacted.

Eminado Tue 19-Jan-16 15:58:00

"Happened again"

"Anger management"

You need to keep this person away from your child.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 19-Jan-16 16:23:08

Your hubby is at fault - changing over in these situations is not failure on either of you - sometimes a difference face can resolve rather than escalate.

schlong Tue 19-Jan-16 19:13:26

How old is your ds? Your h is undermining himself with these infantile, hot headed gestures and if your son's little I'm afraid the violence could escalate as he grows up. Look after your ds.

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