Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Step inside the dating thread, 95

(1000 Posts)
MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH Tue 19-Jan-16 09:44:55

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory
10. No dating the thread
11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 09:45:47


TooSassy Tue 19-Jan-16 09:49:02

Marking my place.

Still think moose burgers needs to be added to the rules
As does the avocado abbreviation. What was it again?

MrsLannister Tue 19-Jan-16 09:55:59

eloquent - he texted the next morning after he had ignored two of my texts saying he had been on his way hmm

Don't know how that works considering we hadn't arranged a meeting place. I call bullshit. I ignored him

Back to the drawing board

Custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 09:57:40

Absolutely! We need that one in there. Do not deliver the moose burger wrapped in a sesame seed bun! Jolly, talk us through it again!
I can't remember the avocado thing so clearly.

I was just chatting on viber to my (male) friend in Australia. He's a decade younger than I am but we used to work together before he emigrated and get on really well. He's down in Australia and he's met a woman he really likes from manchester and they really click but.................. "she was a bit slutty". I was horrified to hear him talk like that. I really lectured him. I said how did you find out she was ''slutty'''? I gave him my anger at the double standards, full force, both barrels. I am really surprised at him. But he's sitting there on his own in his studio apartment, having met an attractive, hilarious girl that he clicks with, he is over thinking it because she slept with him the night they met. I told him he was a cave man. I think we had a row. angry

Breath brew

BornToFolk Tue 19-Jan-16 09:59:43

WhatsApp notifications are the bane of my life! Forever obsessing over "you're online, who are you talking to?, why haven't your responded?" The guy I had a date with last week (need to think of a good nickname!) seems to be barely on it, which I quite like! grin

I need more irons! I have no potential leads at all at the moment. I thought that Jan would be really busy as loads of people sign up but it's not turned out that way...hmm

Which sites do people use? I'm currently on POF, OKCupid and Tinder. I have used match and Guardian Soulmates in the past but gave up as the same people seemed to be on there as were on the free sites so there didn't seem to be much point!

Great news about the date gast! Do you know what you are doing yet?

custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:02:21

I don't stress over whatsapp at all. I've got all sorts of people on whatsapp, my brother, my mum
It means NOTHING imo.

WavingNotDrowning Tue 19-Jan-16 10:03:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:04:23

my friend in spain, my friend in australia, my old colleague, my friend who lives ten minutes away, my kids.......... all on whatsapp. I imagine it's the same for other people. Honestly, everybody is always hanging off their phone! Doesn't mean they're "on a promise" :-p

Custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:06:36

Might be worth bringing it up confused
I'd rather say ''i do sometimes make mistakes, I erroneously, optimistically assume a man is of good character. But I never sleep with people if I'm not on some level hoping they prove me right not wrong"

Or a version of that in the language you two use to each other.

BornToFolk Tue 19-Jan-16 10:32:58

Oh god, I know, I'm constantly on WhatsApp and only about 25% of it is for dating purposes. It's more when you can see that someone has read your message and has been active since reading it...but hasn't responded...drives me mad! Or when you think that someone has blocked you...also infuriating! grin

Waving I am definitely getting the feeling that I have looked at (and rejected or been rejected by) every single man within a 20 mile radius. hmm

WavingNotDrowning Tue 19-Jan-16 10:41:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eloquent Tue 19-Jan-16 10:45:58

I'm only on okc at the moment.
I was on tinder, but found the guys were worse regards the expecting sex on there.
I joined match, but feel like I shouldn't have to pay to meet a decent man haha.

Its definitely the reading and not replying that drives me mad. Same on Kik.

mrsL I'd do the same, if he was on his way he would have replied and asked where to meet.

Custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:47:21

Yes, I feel like, if I've been ''slutty'' it's only because for me that group of people I'd happily sleep with and happily try to form a relationship with OVERLAPS so neatly. So therefore, I'm not slutty, I've just been disappointed, let down, omitted to seek clarification that AN Other's behaviour matches their feelings. I assume that like me their behaviour is underpinned by some feelings for me! So in fact, when I've been 'slutty' (so rarely) it's been naivety really. The furthest extreme from ''sluttiness''. I don't want to dwell on my former naivety though brew

eloquent Tue 19-Jan-16 10:47:46

Can I ask what "no dating the thread" means!

Custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:49:42

You all do that I do feel massive amounts of anxiety, I have to do 35 minute jillian michael's workouts to melt the anxiety (just done level 3 of 30ds) but when it comes to whatsapp I assume that they're pausing for thought before they reply so that they can up their game and be witty for me, or, that they read it at the traffic lights because they were so dying to know what I said but can't reply until they get home...........

75% of the time I believe this. Don't yall infect me with extra anxieties on top of the ones I'm already processing!!

eloquent Tue 19-Jan-16 10:52:18

And the irony of him thinking a woman HE HAD SEX WITH ON THE FIRST NIGHT being a bit slutty...
Double standards like that annoy me give me insurmountable rage
I think I'd have gone ragey on his ass!

eloquent Tue 19-Jan-16 10:54:06

314 you're so right! They are so dazzled by our wit and general awesomeness that they need time to process before replying. Why didn't I see this before!?

Custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:59:43

I know eloquent
I gave him a seriously big piece of my mind. Not sure I can afford such a large chunk however it's done now.

WavingNotDrowning Tue 19-Jan-16 10:59:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

custard314 Tue 19-Jan-16 11:08:46

how we torture ourselves!

I am going out with H tonight and I regret that we got a bit teenagerish under the blankets back at my house now. I certainly didn't discourage it. In fact he may have been just following my lead. I feel he is taking a really long time to make up his mind about what to do next.. I feel quite calm right now (thank you level 3) but when I decided not to juggle more irons in the fire, I imagined I'd have a quicker clearer 'yay' or 'nay' by this point. Tonight is date 6. Can this 'maybe' shit go on forever? I might set up another profile on another site.

BornToFolk Tue 19-Jan-16 11:27:15

314 That's brilliant! I am so going to try to adopt that way of thinking. grin Must remember Rule 7, right? wink

choccyfiend78 Tue 19-Jan-16 14:18:22

Place marking on the new thread and generally checking in smile

Mr army has asked to move to whatsapp and I have had messages from a couple of others but not replied yet, not sure if I have quite made my mind up about them as neither are what I would normally go for.

HandyWoman Tue 19-Jan-16 14:26:38

314 can you not, um, jump H's bones? And yay to pointing out double standards to your mate.

MrsL block, delete, move on. Life's too short.

I deffo vote for adding moose burgers to the rules. Essential info.

Never bother me who's online doing what when. Couldn't care less!

In other news, my fwb date has been moved forwards. It's now tonight!!!! He had invented a Pilates class that got cancelled first thing this morning. I called bullshit and he fessed up that he had another date who has cancelled. Anyway, we are now meeting. Later. Gulp.



RedMapleLeaf Tue 19-Jan-16 15:22:59

You are brave handy!

I have date #6ish with MrF. Not sure it can still count as a date at this stage, we've not got plans any more detailed than I'm going to his house for the first time.

I bought new underwear during my lunch hour.

This thread is not accepting new messages.