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DP being a moody tosser or is he right?

(38 Posts)
Abbinob Tue 19-Jan-16 05:09:52

DP decided to stay up to 2 am playing Xbox so he's tired.
Our 2 year old keeps waking up early, he knows this. And DS is ill ATM and has a horrible cough waking him up several times a night so he came into our bed at about 3am.
Ds was fidgetting in bed and DP basically had a tantrum, starts muttering "FFS DS THIS IS PISSING ME OFF" and stuff like that and then basically argues with him. "Stop doing that FFS its annoying" "move your arm ffs DS" etc. Arguing with an ill 2 year old FFS.
He thinks I'm not disciplining DS properly because I don't shout at him, I think DP is being a wanker and he does this tantrum shit all the time.
DS behaves a lot better when it's just me, he does get told off but I speak to him like a 2 year old not a teenager I.e, count to five then timeout, distract him from naughty thing, explain we don't do that because its naughty/dangerous/not nice.
That's right isnt it? You don't whinge at toddlers and tell them they are annoying and pissing you off. (Even if they are! )
So I'm on the sofa with DS because I can't deal with dp being a moody dickhead and speaking to our son like that, its not nice to be around.
It's all the time and I'm sick of it. 2 year olds are annoying but that's life surely? They're only small so we need to teach them how to behave not argue with them as if they're adults

daisychain01 Tue 19-Jan-16 05:18:29

YANBU, he should be getting his priorities right. Not gaming all hours so he's too tired to share the care of his/your DC.

And swearing at a DC is IMO pretty lowdown, anytime not least of all when he is ill.

Does your DP have any use? Seems you'd be better off by yourself the way he behaves. Sorry.

Chottie Tue 19-Jan-16 05:18:55

Your DP is being VV unreasonable.

You are talking about a little 2 year old who is unwell.
Your DP is an adult man who chose to stay up to 2.00 am playing Xbox.

If I were you, I would have serious concerns about leaving my DS with DP (is he the father?) he seems to have zero tolerance and patience. What message is DP sending to your DS?!? He sounds jealous of DS and his language and behaviour just stinks and he is not 'right'.

bb888 Tue 19-Jan-16 05:40:16

Your DS shouldn't be exposed to that kind of behaviour. I expect that if your DP doesn't learn to control himself and act like an adult he will only get more unpleasant as your son gets older.

Abbinob Tue 19-Jan-16 05:41:28

I do have concerns about it.
When DS was a week old, dp finally did a night and I heard him saying "you're not going to fuckibg dictate my life like this" to him sad I went mad and we broke up. But put it down to stress of having a new baby.
We only got back together properly a few months ago but I guess its a case of once a wanker, always a wanker.
I think he thinks its normal, his mum is the same.

He does do stuff with DS and they both seem to enjoy it (park, football etc) but only the easy "fun stuff" I guess though he will do his dinner and nappies and stuff but gets in a strop if DS plays up a bit, as. 2 year olds do

scarednoob Tue 19-Jan-16 05:41:33

Yanbu. Sounds like you are having to deal with two 2 year olds to me.

Even if he slept on the sofa, making you do all the work, it would be unreasonable.

I think he needs to listen carefully and maybe agree that he gets 1 night a week or whatever to stay up as late as he likes with his preciousssss - the rest of the time, he helps with the shared parenting. Would that work do you think?

scarednoob Tue 19-Jan-16 05:43:45

Just saw your latest. Hmmmm that's a bit disturbing - won't be much longer before DS can remember this sort of thing. I think he needs a serious chat and to take it in - it's untenable to be like that around a child. They only get more demanding!

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Tue 19-Jan-16 06:26:18

Man-child ffs, he wouldn't want to live with me. You are right, he is being a mardy tosser, tell him to grow up.

DoreenLethal Tue 19-Jan-16 06:26:29

He seems to be the dictator here.

He stays up all hours and then you get the sofa because he moans about your 2 yr old?

Yes, once a wanker, always a wanker.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 19-Jan-16 06:38:42

You wrote that his mother is the same (a red flag in itself); the rotten apple that is this man did not fall far from the rotten tree. Presumably his mother also shouted at him too hence his opinion now.

You already have one child to look after, you do not need a manchild as well. Such entitled men are also selfish as well as emotionally stunted. He is certainly not at all nice to be around either of you.

What is your situation re property and finances?. Where do you see yourself in a year's time; still with this person?. You and he really now need to be apart.

Pippin8 Tue 19-Jan-16 07:39:29

I can't believe you got up & slept on the sofa with a sick 2 year old. Your DP sounds really immature & not the slightest bit interested in being a parent. I'd be wary of leaving him to care for DS to be honest. Especially if he's on his Xbox & DS needs something. It sounds like he loses his temper easily.

Duckdeamon Tue 19-Jan-16 07:42:36

Sounds like a mistake to have got back together with him. He sounds awful to your DS, and you.

IrishDad79 Tue 19-Jan-16 07:46:01

I hate those fucking x-boxes/playstations. I'd advise any woman never to get involved with a man who's into "gaming".

00100001 Tue 19-Jan-16 07:58:30

How foes being into gaming make you a bad partner or parent?? confused

IrishDad79 Tue 19-Jan-16 08:14:42

Because these fucking "gamers" are up until all hours playing their stupid fucking video games and are too tired and zombie-like to interact with their families.

Marchate Tue 19-Jan-16 08:26:57

It's not because of games - or books, tv, any of those 'modern inventions'
It's about inconsiderate, unreasonable behaviour towards partner and small child

Karanka Tue 19-Jan-16 08:37:47

IrishDad79

Bollocks - it's not the hobby, it's the person.

Abbinob

Sounds like very aggressive and unreasonable behaviour towards a little child.

00100001 Tue 19-Jan-16 08:39:23

Not all gamers are like that Irish - its like with any hobby, if you let it take over your life or put it above your family, that's the arsehole thing.

It's being selfish that makes you the tosser, not what your hobbies are.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 19-Jan-16 08:41:28

Swearing at a two year old like that is disgusting. Your son, may well treat his own dc like this if you do not step in to put a stop to it.

Your dp sounds absolutely pathetic and I don't know how you can respect him when he treats your son like this.

Poor child.

OhShutUpThomas Tue 19-Jan-16 08:43:47

Nothing he's doing is because of stress or tiredness. It's because he's very unpleasant.

He sounds awful. Your poor DS.

Fugghetaboutit Tue 19-Jan-16 08:51:51

If he's staying up until 2am he should sleep on the sofa

daisychain01 Tue 19-Jan-16 09:03:26

Abbie, based on your latest post, I would urge you to consider a permanent split from this unpleasant man. You already got shot of him but gave him another chance, well he's blown it hasn't he?

Get him out of your life so you can move forward and bring your DC up in an environment of love not verbal aggression and excessive escapism into a computer screen. DC learn by example and will pick up on his awful behaviour.

You may go on to meet a supportive person who you deserve, but either way, don't put up with this crap any longer - please!

Yseulte Tue 19-Jan-16 09:15:54

Getting back together was the wrong choice. You were right the first time.

The less exposure DS has to this man the better. I would separate and arrange contact for EOW. Though I'd have concerns about him doing even that tbh.

Mrskeats Tue 19-Jan-16 10:38:09

I think you were right to ditch him the first time.
It's his own fault if he's tired not yours and swearing at a child is awful
I agree mostly about the gaming. I feel it's for kids not parents and I know lots of people who stay up all hours ( also opposed to the fact the games seem to be all violence based)

LeaLeander Tue 19-Jan-16 10:44:04

What a horrible man to swear at a baby. Why are you with him after that?

Was he fully on board with the planning for this child?

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