What are the implications of citing co-respondents in a divorce?

[Heartbroken4]

That's it, really. What effect does it have one the people cited? What do they have to do? Does it add to the cost? The time it takes?

[Heartbroken4]

*on

[LineyReborn]

It has no effect these days, surely?

[Pantone363]

The judge will take a very dim view

I understand why someone would want to though especially if OW/M knew they were married

[Heartbroken4]

Why would the judge take a dim view?

[Heartbroken4]

I suppose I want his adultery as a matter of record.

[Heartbroken4]

I read the article, Soeul. No, none of them are local. No, I am not after reclaiming costs from them. I suppose I want them to face the reality of what they did.

[Heartbroken4]

All of them, probably STBEX and the OW (pl).

[Heartbroken4]

What about the co-respondents? They can't all end up with him ... won't it affect them?

[goddessofsmallthings]

How many co-respondents are there?

[headexplodesbodyfreezes]

Don't do it, you will lose your dignity in exchange for making a point. A point that no-one except you gives a shit about.

[Heartbroken4]

I want them to hurt when the papers arrive. I want them to feel shame and to have to explain to their OH.

[Heartbroken4]

goddess three: a one-night stand and two affairs.

[Heartbroken4]

It doesn't feel that I have much dignity left, anyway.

[MooseBeTimeForSnow]

If you're proceeding on the ground of adultery and he's prepared to admit it I really wouldn't bother naming the others.

[goddessofsmallthings]

When did you become aware of his 3 sexual liaisons with ow? Did you discover all 3 at one time or did you 'forgive' him after the first and agree to give your marriage another chance before making subsequent discovery, or discoveries, of his adultery?

The only reason lawyers advise against naming co-respondents is because doing so has the potential to cause delay to the proceedings which may, in turn, rack up the costs of the divorce.

Problems can arise when serving papers solely on the respondent and these can be multiplied when it's necessary to also serve co-respondents, more especially as it's not in their interests to rush to return documents as they can be made to pay the court fees for the divorce hearing.

I feel your pain, OP, and your name says it all, but even if you were to name the ow there's no guarantee that they'd have to explain themselves to their ohs when they received the relevant papers.

I suggest you look to divorce him asap for adultery and talk to your solicitor about naming the ow in your petition without naming them as co-respondents - ie. it came to my knowledge on x date that the respondent had committed adultery with and so forth.

If you can incorporate their names into the particulars of your petition to divorce for adultery, you'll have a document that effectively names and shames your stbxh and the ow should you wish to show it to others.

What a tragedy it would be if you were to set out one fine day to send a copy to your stbxh or a very good male friend, but inadvertently sent it to Mr OW's Surname and address. Freudian slips happen but the best revenge is to live well.

Would you like to share more of your story here? Others have found it does help to vent in the company of those who understand exactly what you're going through, and you'll never be short of a willing hand to hold yours for as long as you have need of support.

Do you have supportive friends/family in rl? If so, I hope they're rallying round and doing their best to distract you from some of the gloomier thoughts that can prevail when a marriage of some duration ends because of one party's infidelty.

[Talcumsoul]

Get your solicitor to write to him and state that because of his sexual incontinence with Mary Smith, Jane Jones and Betty Brown, you seem this behaviour unreasonable and are therefore proceeding with a divorce.
You will get a copy of the letter, copy it yourself and post it to Mary, Betty and Jane. Sorted!

[Heartbroken4]

I know who they are but I don't have addresses. I have Fb profiles.

[Heartbroken4]

I have already shared some under a different name, which he found and read. 15 years last week. Together about 18 years from University. Four children and a stillbirth.

I have been grappling with depression, some hoarding issues (not extreme but enough that he felt physically pushed out when he returned from working away in the week) and I said some stupid and hurtful things last March. I "broke his heart". Instead of counselling then, as he admitted we should have done, he went off onto dating sites and has fallen in love with one of the people.

I am on ADs, which are massively helping, but he isn't interested. Ten days ago, he told the children (9 and under) he was leaving. They begged him to stay and he told them he loved them more than anything in the world, he didn't want to hurt them and promised he would stay. He thinks he was bullied into the promise and I, somehow, stitched him up.

[TooSassy]

My lawyer (very experienced) said filing under adultery is fairly uncommon nowadays and unreasonable behaviour is commonly used even for cases where adultery has been committed.

When I quizzed him about why this was, he explained that from a legal POV it is actually very hard to prove that adultery has been committed. I had a lot of clear evidence that STBXH had cheated but you know what there were no pics of him actually DTD or any other sexual act. Technically I couldn't prove adultery, nor to be hienz did I want to.

Unreasonable behaviour actually cannot be disputed as it is effectively saying one party can no longer remain married to the other. How can a judge say no.

I personally couldn't care less what I filed under, I just want a divorce.

HTH.

[Heartbroken4]

I don't want a divorce, I want him to try.