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Phone call from another woman

(135 Posts)
Lucky0707 Mon 18-Jan-16 22:22:40

Hello all, earlier today I received a call from a woman regarding my partner. to roughly quote she said. "You don't know me and I've only just found out about you. Sorry to be delivering bad news but your boyfriend has been sleeping with me. I don't want to get involved so I will leave it at that. I won't be seeing him again, i want nothing to do with a man like that. Take care"
I have known him for 5 years but We've only been together as a couple for 1 year since his divorce. I don't know if to take it seriously or think its malicious. His ex wife and mum to his kids hates me, but has only ever made direct verbal abuse. My split from my ex wasn't happy but i have heard nothing since our last day together. I just can't believe this has happened. When I asked him seemed shocked and strongly denied it but surely that would be the response either way. I was very happy but this has cast a shadow. just don't know what to do

ExitPursuedByABear Mon 18-Jan-16 22:25:45

That's tough. If you have no reason to doubt him then presume it was malicious.

I doubt whoever it was will let it lie there.

LittleCandle Mon 18-Jan-16 22:29:57

That is tough. I had an anonymous call telling me XH was cheating. I even reported it to the police as a malicious call. In my case, it was true and he admitted it. I hope it is someone just being vile. Sorry this happened to you.

temporarilyjerry Mon 18-Jan-16 22:37:25

Did she use your name or his? Have you spoken to him about it? His reaction should give you the answer you need.

Sounds like a hoax to me.

Lucky0707 Mon 18-Jan-16 22:45:43

She did call me by my first name, the voice was not someone i know. I am worried either way as it could be someone was put up to it but who would do such a thing, but equally due to me being self employed my number would be easily found online.

itsbetterthanabox Mon 18-Jan-16 23:03:23

Why are people saying it might be a hoax! That's very unlikely.
Who does that? People don't. Not without serious reason. I've never heard of anyone maliciously pretending to cheat except on Jeremy Kyle.
I'm sorry op. I'd ask him more about it. What was his reaction? Anyone irl you can chat to? X

Haggisfish Mon 18-Jan-16 23:04:48

Did he cheat on his first wife with you? Unlikely to be malicious IMO.

Lucky0707 Mon 18-Jan-16 23:14:43

No I would never touch an attached man I knew him, then them both as a couple on and off for a few years. He has told me she cheated but I've never thought of him as cheating himself. I did wonder if it was her getting someone to make the call but it would be a bit of a departure from her usual insults or empty threats of giving me a slap!

Lucky0707 Mon 18-Jan-16 23:17:01

He just seems to be very surprised by the call and is denying all, saying it is malicious

timelytess Mon 18-Jan-16 23:25:22

There is none so blind as she who will not see.
I think its unlikely to be a hoax.

SelfLoathing Mon 18-Jan-16 23:38:19

Why ON EARTH would that be malicious?!?! It's the exact opposite of malicious.

From your report of it, it sounds like a very matter of fact "telling you so you know and I'm not seeing him again" account.

If it were malicious, it would be far more likely to be an email or an anonymous letter than a phone call (a phone call is more likely to be a truth teller ready to face questions and brave enough to be direct). Also a person acting with malice would be full of information designed to hurt "he told me he loved me/you were shit in bed/too fat/he's going to leave you" and so on.

There is NO WAY that is a malicious call and you are crazy if you seriously think that.

>>>it could be someone was put up to it but who would do such a thing, but equally due to me being self employed my number would be easily found online.

"Put up to it"??? Why? By whom? It's not that difficult to get a number traced these days. Have you read any of the threads on here about women who suddenly discover they are an OW agonising about whether to tell the gf/wife? Generally people don't behave like that because someone "puts them up to it". Normal people realise that relationships and emotions are not lightly to be interferred with even if it's true.

I bet this poor woman who phoned you spent sleepless nights worrying whether you should know or not.

If she's been brave enough to call you, at least do her the courtesy of believing her.

Timetosay58 Tue 19-Jan-16 00:42:00

Sounds like a hoax to me also.A bit suspicious how she knew your name.

janaus Tue 19-Jan-16 03:55:49

Can you get the number that called you?

If so, do they have Reverse look up of phone numbers where you are.

Or type that number into Google and see if anything shows up.

bb888 Tue 19-Jan-16 04:46:37

It sounds like quite a restrained call in many ways. Probably not surprising that she knew your name, but maybe odd if she said 'your boyfriend' rather than using his name.

BubsandMoo Tue 19-Jan-16 04:47:41

If you have the phone number, I'd call or text. Politely, not accusingly. If she is as genuine as she sounds, in feeling that she wants nothing more to do with him but that you deserved to know he'd been unfaithful, then I'd imagine she'd be able to give more details eg times/dates when this occurred, then you can match up his alibis.

It doesn't sound malicious.

Friendlystories Tue 19-Jan-16 05:08:08

If you do have the number that called you and maybe even if you don't I would tell your partner you do and that you're going to report it to the police. If it is true I doubt he'll want the police sniffing round and discovering he has an OW, watch his face carefully when you tell him. If he looks scared and especially if he tries to talk you out of it you probably have more to worry about than a malicious phone call.

ConvenientTruth Tue 19-Jan-16 05:14:57

I'm very sorry but I agree with others that it is unlikely to be a hoax. It sounds to me exactly what a well-meaning and shocked woman might do. I'm so sorry, this must be so tough.

1DAD2KIDS Tue 19-Jan-16 06:23:11

I am sorry for your situation. It could well be a hoax. I may well sound exactly like what a well-meaning shocked woman would say qoute by somebody well in tune with how to put that image across. So people are very clever and subtle when it comes to manipulation. I sounds like you both have enemies and ex's sometimes can let things go. I fact don't be surprised at the length some will go to to make life difficult. I wouldn't jump to conclutions but maybe need to do some digging if your concerned. If possible maybe some more information from the caller if you have their number? Has he ever give you reason to doubt him? Maybe talk to him about taking it to the police. If he has been up to no good he wouldn't want an investigation that could result in the truth being found out.

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Tue 19-Jan-16 06:31:12

Just keep your mind open and observe, I think either he or the ex wife will slip up and there your answer will be.....

Fidelia Tue 19-Jan-16 06:33:53

Sorry but the way she said it sounds true.

My ex cheated and was very plausible, even when I showed him proof. He said that his previous girlfriends cheated on him. He's now implying that about me (not true, he was my one and only)... Which makes me believe that this is his pattern - cheat and then pretend it was the other way round. Quite a good tactic to stop me from talking to his exes. Any chance he could be doing this to you?

JohnLuther Tue 19-Jan-16 06:35:38

Of course it could be a hoax, I had a similar call years ago but the genders were reversed, it turned out to be a bloke who was angry that my old girlfriend wouldn't go out for a drink with him. Talk about an over reaction.

But at the same time it could be true, do you have the number OP?

pinkoneblueone Tue 19-Jan-16 06:41:04

Ok a there are many people saying it's got to be true I don't think you can ever tell without proof.

About 3-4 years ago husband got a call at work saying I was cheating on him and I definitely wasn't I was enjoying life and discovering my new career but was most definitely NOT cheating. I have no idea who did it and I'll never know but I have gained a couple of enemy's at the time and can only gather it was someone who was jealous.

I hope you get to the bottom of it and hope he is not cheating on you.

Good Luck!

fidel1ne Tue 19-Jan-16 06:50:26

If it is a hoax, I agree with others that it is a very restrained, dignified and calm one. I wouldn't completely dismiss it.

fidel1ne Tue 19-Jan-16 06:50:58

(But I might let my boyfriend ^ think^ I had dismissed it.)

forumdonkey Tue 19-Jan-16 06:54:08

How have they got your number? If you shared the same circle of friends as your OH and his EX then getting your number would be easy. I would wonder how an OW would get your number unless its another friend of yours or that circle.

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