At what point do you confront.

[NothingisForgotten]

I feel sick. Found some messages on H phone. Pretty over friendly with girl from work.Arranging to meet her on Wednesday. I'm shaking. He's in the other room. Not sure I can act normal.

[AlwaysHopeful1]

Sorry op, what is the context of the messages. You say over friendly but could he explain that away? Also meeting her on Wednesday, is it a casual meeting with other friends or her alone?

[ravenmum]

Screenshot and go out for a walk / find some other way to give yourself time to think first.

[NothingisForgotten]

Her alone. "i know it looks bad but do we care". He had an over night conference last week and texted her his room number. Last message says I regret leaving conference early 😞 he won't look at messages while I'm there. Married 10 years this year. I've had health issues this year and he's talked to her about them. My private things.I'm so upset I want to run out of the house. I don't have any family near by.

[bb888]

Sorry the room number thing seems pretty unambiguous.

[AlwaysHopeful1]

Sorry it seems quite clear what he's up to. Please save these messages, send it to yourself or better take a screen shot of his phone. You do need to confront him, but do it with a plan in mind.

[NothingisForgotten]

I'm standing in the kitchen crying while making dinner.

We are ttc about to start IVF. How COULD he?!

[NothingisForgotten]

I want to reply saying no he won't be meeting you on Friday. Not sure I can act normal til Wednesday.

[NothingisForgotten]

Sorry Wednesday

[BitOutOfPractice]

Take screen shots. Email them to yourself.

Then decide what to do.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

I'm sorry. Make sure you screenshot the messages as he will try and make a load of lame excuses, minimise his behaviour and take no responsibility for any of it.

[NothingisForgotten]

I have took photos.
Can't stop shaking. I can't think straight and have no where to go.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

The other thing is, don't let him turn the blame ound on you for looking.

[NothingisForgotten]

I know I'm not proud of myself for look but I saw her name pop up a few times and he wouldn't read the messages while I was there.
He knows something is wrong keeps asking me what is up

[Roastbeefandyorkshires]

Handholding

[Dungandbother]

Can you kill this with kindness?
Ask him home early on Wed for a nice dinner and some wine together?
Ask him to put some effort in and so will you as a change/ nice thing to do etc.

See if you can get him to cancel her without asking him to?

Then if you manage it, can you talk frankly to him?

[Scoopmuckdizzy]

I'm sorry

[abbsismyhero]

shit im useless at this can you go to a premier in or something? ffs stop cooking his dinner unless you planning on spitting in it you're trying for a baby and he acts like this? i suppose its good you found out before kids got involved but its still shitty behaviour

[NothingisForgotten]

I was thinking of suggesting he meet me on my lunch break on Wednesday to see what he says. If I can wait til Wed morning so he can't make an excuse maybe...

[scribblegirl]

If you don't want to confront right now then perhaps you could suddenly feel 'ill' and head up to bed? Migraine, cold coming down, flu even? It gives you a good cover for being weak and perhaps is a good premise to stay home from work tomorrow (if you're working) to gather as much financial info etc as possible.

so sorry you're going through this.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

Where has he told he's going on Wednesday then?

[scribblegirl]

Sorry - by weak I meant ill or unable to chat, feeling like crying etc. Just realised it might not have come out the right way x

[Jibberjabberjooo]

Told you, I mean

[MiddleClassProblem]

It's not clear from those messages that he's actually doing anything. You can't confront him unless you know he is definitely doing something. It could be innocent tbh.

[Hissy]

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry! Have you got any friends you can land on?

I wish I knew you, I'd have you round in a flash!

It looks very bad. There can't be a non bad explanation about the room number.

If you can't go out, please go run a bath or something and try to be still for a bit.

This is bad, but not the end of life itself, whatever happens you will be ok.

We are here for you.

[NothingisForgotten]

He hasn't told me anything. He's off on hol this week. They were making jokes about how he's ditched her. He's told me he's just going to the gym each day. I think I will come down with a migraine. Give me some time to think.