Is it normal for your dp to lounge around in a state of undress?

[ravenmum]

When he got home, my ex used to take off his trousers and sit around with bare legs. He had these really long baggy vests and it looked like he was wearing a skirt. Now I'm in a new relationship, long enough for us not to be on our absolute best behaviour any more, and it seems the new man is most comfortable with his t-shirt rucked up over his stomach and his belly on display.

Now I have no problem with a belly, but it reminds me of my ex and how it felt like I wasn't important enough to make any effort for. I'd always at least make an effort to tame my hair and put on a dressing gown at breakfast but he'd be there just in a vest, hunched over his bowl and slopping his food. I felt like if I'd dressed and acted the same way he'd have been entitled to complain that his wife was letting herself go.

The new man still making an effort in other ways and he has no vest. But is this something I should be calling him up on (how??)? Is it just because I don't complain about these things that men think they need to make no effort? Or am I just being picky, and actually it just means they're relaxed? Men aren't expected to watch out for these things quite as much, are they?

[Gobbolino6]

We didn't wear many clothes around the house when we first got married. Now we slob around in track pants and T shirts, and if a stomach is on show who cares? We scrub up fine to leave the house, we're always clean, but we're not the most elegantly presented. Nine times out of 10, I have big smudges where I forgot I put on mascara for work and rubbed my eyes.

[chelle792]

My husband likes nothing more than to lounge around in nothing but pj bottoms. I kinda like it

How much do you like your new man?? Do you think you're projecting or just not that into him?

[missihound]

Dh sometimes sits in front of the TV in just his boxers when it's hot. Both of us have lounge wear to wear at home, mine is probably worse than his really as it's all old stained clothes that are fine to wear indoors for cleaning etc. I think it's just the way things are when you become comfortable with someone.

[EssentialHummus]

DP thinks boxers only is just dandy even if flat thermostat is cranked up and there's a blizzard outside. My dad was always in shorts only around the house. I'd like a few more layers personally, but not too bothered.

[ravenmum]

I am pretty keen on this one but a bit worried about not repeating the mistakes I made last time, when I definitely did put up with too much disrespect (other, more serious stuff) before we separated.

Stepfamilies meant that things were a bit more covered up when I was growing up so am used to that.

[category12]

If it bothers you, it bothers you.

I can't say I'd be too chuffed with him wandering about with his stomach out while wearing a t-shirt. Either it's on or off. It's not the belly so much as the dishevellment of having the t-shirt rucked up. I wouldn't mind bare chested.

Could you smooth it down or mention it lightly?

[ouryve]

It's too bloody cold for that.

[ravenmum]

He radiates heat! Maybe I should try turning the heating down though...

[Keeptrudging]

No, DP never looks like a slob. He's either dressed or not. Yuck to wandering around in his undies/sitting with his tummy hanging out, it just looks messy!

[Ragwort]

What else is he wearing? PJ trousers or boxers or nothing?. The mind boggles at a T shirt rolled up over a belly .

Sounds slobbish to me - particularly if you have had issues with your previous partner and his dress sense - or lack of .

[HandyWoman]

Yeah each to their own. I'd not find it very attractive, personally.

[ravenmum]

Just normal clothes, but somehow the T-shirt rucks up over his belly (don't ask me how) and he leaves it there.

[alltouchedout]

I don't care. As long as he's comfy. I'd be massively irritated if he was annoyed about me not 'making an effort' when relaxing in my own home.

[BackforGood]

I can't quite picture the shirt rolled up above the belly or maybe don't want to but I can't relate to "making an effort" thing either. When you are relaxing, surely you wear what you are comfortable in ?

I'd not be impressed with anyone telling me I had to 'make more of an effort in what I wore' for just hanging around

[BrandNewAndImproved]

You make an effort by putting on a dressing gown. Have I entered a parallel universe? Who does that in their own home with only their partner around.

If I was told to put a dressing gown on I'd be putting it over his head and bundling him out the door. I love wearing hotpant size soft shorts and bandeau bra's around the house. I hate wearing clothes and no man has ever told me to cover up in my own home.

Your the weirdo here op.

[winchester1]

My OH does the t-shirt over the belly (with jogging bottoms or boxers depending how hot it is).
His answer why is he is hot but not so hot he wants his t-shirt off. Also if someone comes round its quick to pull it down. But its normal for people to walk straight onto the house round here rather than knock.
It doesn't bother me tbh.

[ravenmum]

It's not his home, we're not quite that far yet but I know what you mean. Am I just being old-fashioned thinking that you (I) need to make at least a bit of an effort for your partner's sake? Not when lying in bed with your hair all mussed up or anything, but when you're up at least? Is it really weird to put on a dressing gown to sit at the breakfast table? (I haven't told anyone else to do so btw) Really "weirdo" territory, BrandNew?

[BackforGood]

I'd put my dressing gown on, but simply because it's quite cold in our house. The 'wearing of a dressing gown' per se, isn't odd, it's the fact that you feel comfortable enough with a person to have sex with them, but not to then be relaxed enough in their company to think that you have to somehow "make and effort" with what you are wearing for breakfast.

[patterkiller]

He maybe thinks it looks sexy in a young Brad Pitt disheveled way.

[ravenmum]

As I say, growing up with a stepfather and stepmother (both parents repartnered) from when I was 9, and no memories of living with a man around the house before then, I have been used to men covering up, and I guess that everyone probably made more effort to look decent than your average parents would. Might have given me a skewed impression of what people do behind closed doors!

Oh well, good to hear that it's perfectly normal behaviour on his part , will have to think about why I'm worried about not looking nice enough!

[DrDreReturns]

I'm a man, even at this time of year I tend to wear boxers and t shirt in the evening. I don't feel the cold much and after a day wearing work clothes I don't want to wear much.
As pp have said he should be able to wear what he wants at home.

[LastInTheQueue]

Actually, I know where you are coming from with the whole "making an effort". I'm all for being loved up and comfortable, but I think it's important to still think of your partner as a separate being who you want to attract, even in a slightly dishevelled state.
Not quite sure how I'd address this though - maybe pull up your own tshirt and see if he says anything? Or just tell him straight out its not very attractive?

[BrandNewAndImproved]

Yes once they've seen my fanny I wouldn't worry about a dressing gown at breakfast

I didn't mean to call you a weirdo it just slipped out.

[Katenka]

This wouldn't bother me at all.

I usually come straight in and get changed into my pjs. Can be shorts, a nightie whatever.

Tbh if dh complained I wasn't making an effort for him I would laugh.

I have to say though, I don't see putting on a dressing gown as making and effort.

[firesidechat]

The state of your latest man wouldn't worry me at all. I sometimes lounge around in a way that I would be embarrassed for anyone to see other than my husband. Aren't most people not so much on their best behaviour with those closest to them.

I would wear pyjamas all day if I could. I frequently do if I'm not going anywhere.