I just typed a long post on my phone and it disappeared so I will keep this brief.
I fell out with my BIL at the weekend and now my sister wants to cut me out and I don't know what to do.
Big back story, but in short, I don't like my BIL. It has recently become apparent that he is addicted to cocaine which has fuelled my feelings. My sister has been telling me how unhappy she is, I have seen her change into shadow of herself and its been difficult all round.
Added to this, my relationship with my sister is not perfect. We get on well these days but I have always been warey as she can be a user and a bit of a stirrer.
Anyway, this weekend I agreed to have my 3 nephews whilst my sister and BIL went away. My sister would never return such a favour ( I know that should by matter but it causes resentment). It was all fine but admittedly a slog at times as I had 5 aged 5 to 10 without help. I agreed to meet sister and BIL at the airport as its halfway between out houses. This is about a 1.5 hour round trip for me. I had a trolley with all the nephews bedding on etc. BIL moaned about " how the hell are meant to get that on the bus" and then stormed off with the youngest child leaving my sister and I to sort out all the bags. I saw red. I though how dare he storm off when I have looked after his children all weekend, without so much as a thanks from him and expects my sister to walk down to meet him ( he was about 70m away) with 2 young kids and weighed down with bags. My sister and I didn't know what to do with all their bedding etc but agreed I would take it home. I didn't know they had parked somewhere where this would be an issue and there was no other solution. I was so angry I called BIl back and told him to help my sister and said I was really peed off he had stormed off over his bags, leaving me and sis to sort out consideribg all I had done that wrekend for him. He shouted and swore ( expected) and it was all quite loud but over in minutes. I walked off.
I rarely get this angry and acknowledge it wasn't the best thing, especially in front of the children.
However, BIL made a very spiteful, personal comment to me last year which took all my strength not to deal with. My sister says BIL just says what he thinks and that's him.
I spoke to my sister and it was OK. She said he was angry and wanted and aplogy and rather predictably had twisted the whole story and emebelleshed. I pointed out he has said worse to me and is normally quite happy to dish it out.
Sister was in agreement "I know what he's like, he can be such an arse" type comments.
Then 3 hours later I get a Facebook message from her and BIL saying they want nothing to do with me.
I have replied saying it seems a stupid thing to fall out about and let's sleep on it.
I don't want to lose my sister and nephews but don't see how this can be resolved. I really don't want to apologise - I would rather have my teeth extracted than apologise to him. I think it could have blown over and not been continued. Am I being naive? Seems bizarre that someone so used to fishing his opinion out gets so het up when it's done to him.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Sister doesn't want to see me
ScoutandAtticus · 18/01/2016 03:36
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