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so tired of feeling like this, what did I do wrong?

(19 Posts)
dasso Mon 18-Jan-16 01:18:24

dh found some old diaries which are from a time when dh was having a affair, it was a long time ago. I got very upset, dh did not know how to deal with me at all, which was hurtfull in itself. Lots of talk of splitting up etc. When all I needed was reasurance and a cuddle.

I have never be allowed to deal with the affair as dh mininmised it all and the truth only came out last year, which wasnt helpfull. Mainly due to seeing a counselor and me pushing for the truth. I feel like I had my heart ripped out again and stamped on for good measure all over again.

Since the Diary incident dh has put a wall up, no proper kisses or any cuddles no sex, no normal stuff. I feel so hurt, its like Im being punished for somthing which I didnt do, if all this was not bad enough he has never gone out of his way to reassure me that we are ok, has done several things which knocked me back to the time of the discovery of the affair again, he has not helped to re-build trust at all, massive issues over phones which still password locked, his phone gets more attention off him than I ever have. If I question him I get the oh but you dont trust me routine. I have bought books to read to try and explain how I feel and he refused to read them because I had asked him to!
Ive never been allowed to move on, Im so sad that this is where we are right now. I just cant see any way forward.

AnyFucker Mon 18-Jan-16 01:24:07

There is a way forward

Without someone so deceitful and cruel in your life

Could anything be worse than living like this ?

BathtimeFunkster Mon 18-Jan-16 01:25:15

The way forward is just there ahead of you, in the opposite direction of this horrible man.

LineyReborn Mon 18-Jan-16 01:26:25

I'm so sorry, you don't deserve this.

I think you need to take a massive step back, and look at this relationship for what it is - your husband's huge ego trip.

ilovelamp82 Mon 18-Jan-16 01:28:11

You are worth more than this. It may not feel like it because you are clearly used to beung treated so badly that you think this is normal or worse yet, somehow your fault.

It may be hard but you need to leave this man and build up your self esteem again.

No one deserves to be treated like this. You are worth more than you believe you are.

antimatter Mon 18-Jan-16 01:30:28

So he is punishing you for his infidelity?
By being cold and distant!
I would ask him to move out and reconsider if I ever can stand 5 more min in his presence.

VimFuego101 Mon 18-Jan-16 01:31:30

Why are you still with him? He should be falling over himself to prove that he's changed and can be trusted - full access to his phone and complete transparency over where he is, what he's doing and what happened with the other woman, if that's what you want from him.

springydaffs Mon 18-Jan-16 01:34:20

It's agony to even read this, let alone live it .

Leave this pig.

dasso Mon 18-Jan-16 01:40:44

Complete transparency is what I needed, what I got was his phones going on to silent for several months all on their own apparently! his reply was dont you ever put your phones on silent? No I dont as I dont need too dh!
Thank you for replying, I need to go to bed now, I will come back tommorow.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 18-Jan-16 02:53:43

It sounds as if he hasn't changed at all. Her obviously doesn't feel he needs to change. All he thinks he needs to do is pat you on your sweet little head and say 'Trust me, Darling' and go along his usual merry way. And now he's punishing you for putting the pain he caused you down in a private diary? He's a rat bastard.

I'm so sorry and you deserve so much more. I think you know that, too.

I hope you get some rest and come back to this thread feeling strong and determined to tell this man to go straight to hell.

kittybiscuits Mon 18-Jan-16 06:56:32

Honestly, leave the bastard. He is a nasty, sneaky fucker. Do what you should have done before and set yourself free. I would bother telling him - just let a solicitor do it for you because your H is vile.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Mon 18-Jan-16 08:01:16

It's painful reading your post. Why do you put up with this?

dasso Mon 18-Jan-16 08:28:14

Had a chat with dh, he was waiting for me to go to him apparently! just don't know how he can be so selfish, again its all about him isn't it? I'm not supposed to have feelings.

Costacoffeeplease Mon 18-Jan-16 08:35:51

What you did wrong is not getting rid of the tosser before - please do it now

pocketsaviour Mon 18-Jan-16 08:40:31

OP what is your situation - do you have children together? Will you consider moving on without him? Because from what I can see in your posts, you're putting in all the effort to "move on" from what HE did to your marriage, and he's putting in the square root of fuck all.

dasso Mon 18-Jan-16 18:14:25

Sorry for not replying have been at work, yes have children. Thanks for the responses I really needed to get my head around how horrid he was being, an confirmation that it was not me overreacting.

Jibberjabberjooo Mon 18-Jan-16 18:18:59

There is a way forward, without him.

He doesn't care, he wanted and has swept the whole thing under carpet. Please don't carry on like this, you deserve much much better than him.

You are not overreacting, he has treated you terribly and is still treating you terribly.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 18-Jan-16 18:32:21

It's definitely NOT you!

Now that you know this, it's time to think about your alternatives. If I were you, I'd take a good look at my financial position. I've always worked full time on a good wage so I've always known that if the shit hit the fan I'd have been able to support myself and my children. And let me tell you, that's a good feeling to have even if you're in a good marriage. So, think about that. It's much easier to think about separation if you are pretty sure you'll be OK financially. Even if your wage alone wouldn't be enough, remember that there are probably benefits for you and also child maintenance.

Once you figure that out, think about what will make YOU happy.

dasso Mon 18-Jan-16 20:41:56

Thank you

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