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Kindest way to end a long term relationship :(

(10 Posts)
Sweetpea6975 Mon 18-Jan-16 00:32:23

So I want to end my relationship but I'm chicken whats the kindest way to do it if I'm worried about what will happen. Also it means him and his son will have to leave my home and they have no where to go. Do I let them stay until they find somewhere or not? I know I have to do this but it's really hard. There's so many obstacles too. Any advice? How do I do this? I'm a first time poster so please be kind and bear with me. Thanks.

springydaffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:52:21

What do you mean you're worried what will happen?

SoleBizzz Mon 18-Jan-16 00:56:13

You're a bloke aren't you?

honeyroar Mon 18-Jan-16 06:27:20

Does it matter if the poster is male or female?

It's hard, but try and be honest. Say it's not working and you want to separate. I think it wouldn't be very nice to throw them out with nowhere to go, so yes, of course give them time to find somewhere (as long as they're actively looking).

bb888 Mon 18-Jan-16 07:21:07

Is it your home, or do they part own or have a name on the lease?
If its your place and your partner doesn't have any right to live there then it would probably be fair to give a fixed length of time to find another place.
Are you worried about violence?

notmrscookie Mon 18-Jan-16 07:25:49

Pls don't do what my stbxh did and have an exit affair with your joint 22 year friends group as witnesses. Maybe look at plans / rooms to let ect for them and be prepared to talk about joint debts or savings so they can be aware of what u want . Respect them for the hapy times you had . .It will be hard for both of you but be firm and don't go back for old times sake. Distance yourself from what u used to do etc ..

Fyaral Mon 18-Jan-16 07:31:55

Yes let them have time to find somewhere else. You will need to sit down and talk when you have plenty of time. Where will you both sleep?

Goodbetterbest Mon 18-Jan-16 07:49:26

Be honest.

Support them. Help them find somewhere to live.

Be kind.

Relationships end. Just don't be an arsehole.

tigermoll Mon 18-Jan-16 09:03:25

This assumes a 'no fault' break up, ie: you've realised you aren't right for each other, but no one has done anything egregiously terrible, liked cheating:

Do it face to face (unless you have reason to fear violence)

Be calm and clear -- "I've been thinking about it a lot, and I don't think this relationship is making either of us happy. So I've decided we should separate."

Don't give mixed messages or ask for a break/some time apart to think/a temporary separation -- it's kinder to be clear rather than give false hope.

Answer any questions honestly -- they may ask if it is something they have done, if there is somebody else, if you are sure this is what you want, etc. but try to avoid blaming them or getting into a slanging match.

Remember that you don't need to get them to 'agree' with the breakup, or your reasons for doing it. Don't waste time trying over and over to get them to see your point of view -- the takehome message is 'this relationship is over'.

Give your partner and son time to find accommodation, and offer to help, but set a firm time limit and stick to it.

Set up some RL support for yourself.Even if you are the one who ends it, breaking up is still sad and difficult, and you will need some compassion and care from your friends.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 18-Jan-16 10:23:27

Can you help you DP find a deposit etc...
Is your DP reliant on your financially?
You want to end it so end it.
It's bloody hard but sit down and talk to DP and get the finite details sorted out.
Give a time frame for them to move out or you will be stuck in limbo indefinitely.
Does your DP not have any family or friends?

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