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Moving in with new partner

(6 Posts)
Wendolin73 Sun 17-Jan-16 22:07:35

So, I divorced some years ago. Have been in another relationship for a couple of years and he wants me to move in with him. After much soul searching and agonising, I've decided I want to give it a go. However, I'm still agonising as I have an 11 year old son and I'm terrified of upsetting his world. He gets on OK with my partner, but has said he likes our home. His dad is moving in with his girlfriend this year and our son seems fine with it. An I being over protective? I keep chopping and changing...thinking kids are adaptable and at other times not...I'm all over the place, getting anxious and miserable. Would appreciate hearing from others who have done this.

Akire Sun 17-Jan-16 22:11:50

Few years together and he wants to progress to moving in seems good idea to me. Could he move into yours for a month see how it goes first? Would make sense to see how you go before sell/give up rented place if you are worried about son. If you then decide to go slower he will still have his home.

HandyWoman Sun 17-Jan-16 22:25:23

How much detail have you discussed with your dp about the way things will work? Have you discussed how finances and housework and grunt work will be divided? I would be beside myself with worry if I had a dc and was contemplating a move like this without nailing all the detail re expectations. But that's because of my prior experience of being married to a twat <projecting> but if the detail has been hammered out can you create a safety net and rent out your property in the meantime??

mum2mum99 Sun 17-Jan-16 22:32:39

After 2 years it seems like a natural progression. As handywoman says thinking about finances, housework and clarifying expectations would help to get on a right footing. How does DS feel about your DP?

thetales Mon 18-Jan-16 00:22:57

Definitely discuss all the practical aspects with your DP first. I was very cautious with DS and moving in with a new partner (think it was 5 years when we moved in, and we had got married by then) but for me I would have been left in a precarious position if I'd moved in unmarried as I lost a lot of tax credits income and DH owned his property and I didn't.

Make sure you have enough security if you are moving into a property he owns - if you're unmarried he can simply ask you to leave at any time. If you have a lot of belongings is there space for them? It's important for your DS to have his things around him and not feel he has to cull his belongings because of your choice to move in with someone.

Make sure any discussions around finances mean that your DS doesn't lose out. In some cases women lose income and childcare fees when moving in with a partner because they are seen as one unit, yet the DP doesn't see the DC as his responsibility so refuses to contribute towards that loss - all that results in is the DC missing out.

Wendolin73 Tue 19-Jan-16 00:13:13

Thanks for all your advice. I have my own place and would rent, not sell it...it was mine before my marriage, it was remortgaged to pay off ex and I am not letting it go now, I can tell ya! Little'un would have space for his stuff. Not sure what I'd do with my gear though! It's all logistics, I know...I've made it clear I won't be skivvying for him. We both work full time...we would both be better off financially. I guess partly it's me clinging on go my comfort zone...but I swing between that and thinking ' life is short' and 'nothing ventured, nothing gained'....and all those 'helpful' sayings! Oh, flamin 'eck....why can't someone decide for me?!??!??

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