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Is this guilt ?

(4 Posts)
Doesitgeteasier Sun 17-Jan-16 08:26:59

I'm getting a little bit sick of having to hop from one foot to another to please. It seems that I can not do right.

We've been apart for a year now. His choice he'd met someone else and was having at least an emotional affair.

I have done my fair share of begging and pleading, it didn't work you can't change someone's mind that is already made up so as hard as it was I just got on.

I know my children are priority, I facilitate the relationship with their father in a friendly and adult manner. I've never thought of holding them back from him, or using them to hurt.
They are my world and I wouldn't want to hurt them or to instill memories of the two people they love the most slanging it out every other week.

I am not a martyr I am just doing my best, every now and again he gets more selfish and if I try and point out were doing his for the kids he throws his toys out of the pram and suddenly I am the big bad wolf.

He has them twice a month. Pays what he can afford. I don't ask for more as he treated me appallingly when he left and the attitude and nastiness I received isn't worth revisiting. I can get by.

Christmas was awful. He was about as interested as a toilet roll would be. They are small children and I offered him whatever he wanted over the christmas period. He didn't want anything.
He came for an hour over Christmas Day. Reeled off some spiel that he was going to be lonely Boxing Day blah blah. I felt bad so Boxing Day morning I called and asked if he'd like to have them I would drive the hour drop them off and collect when he was ready - no because he was spending day with the OW. He then proceeded to tell me I am a bitch, that he has missed out on a year with his kids blah blah as I only let him see them when I want him to. (Not true, he is and never has been stopped it's just what he chooses) said he hates that I am still in his life and that he wants no more contact with me and I am to go through his mum to make arrangements.
Out of everything he has done including making us homeless - that hurt me most so I didn't bother contacting him and have remained silent between visits - apart from the two visits since then he has asked for me to go out with him and the children. The evening before he was due to collect the children most recently he emailed to say he was looking forward to seeing me.

It angers me! I don't know if he can't handle what he has done and it makes him lash out but I will continue to remain silent between visits it's what he wanted. I just wish he wouldn't blow so hot and cold so I could get on.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 17-Jan-16 08:32:12

Hmm... was he on the phone with OW in the background when he said all this to you? Remember he will have a vested interest in other people believing you are the nasty ex. He doesn't necessarily believe it himself.

kittybiscuits Sun 17-Jan-16 08:37:56

Why not let CMS deal with the maintenance and stop bending over backwards to encourage him to see your DC because he is a fucking useless dad and it's not helpul to them if you encourage him when he is crap. I would restrict contact with him to email and to be honest I would be seeking to mediate a clear written agreement about contact, but it won't be easy trying to negotiate with a self-centred abusive prick. You have clearly been through a horrendous time. Time to start thinking about you!

wannabestressfree Sun 17-Jan-16 08:43:04

He is playing you....time to move on.
Cms for maintence
Contact at set time and agreed by email..do not go! This is his time with his children.
Do not respond to anything other than arrangements

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