Hard post to write, partly as being a typical bloke its not easy to talk to others about personal stuff but also because as a male I feel like I'm entering the lion's den here but I want the opinions of women here, so where better than mumsnet.
The background. We've been married for nearly 20 years and I've always been the driving force in affection and intimacy in our relationship. In our early 40's (we are both the same age) my DW decided that sex was finished and we haven't been physically intimate for several years now, but in the last year its become not only sex but hugs, kisses and so on. I still hug her but its not really reciprocated and often she pushes me away. Same with kissing, a peck is OK but anything more is a no no.
Friends have said I should leave her but I love her dearly and also I'm not OK with becoming an every other weekend dad and lets face it unless there is something bizarre the woman always gets custody.
She seems jealous of any life I have beyond the marriage and periodically accuses me (without foundation) of having affairs, her justification for this seems to be that I keep myself fit, like to be well presented and smell nice which she seems to think I'm doing for some other woman but I'm doing it for my own self esteem and have always have done.
Anyway what brought things to a head for me was when I hit the anniversary of my mother's death, which is always a really hard time for me, I was asked what was wrong as I was very introverted and down and when I reminded her I was asked if I "wanted a hug or something" but I feel that if she really cared she would have just given me the hug(s) without needing to ask.
I'm currently feeling needy and unreasonable and when I raise these issue my wife's attitude is that "well that's just what I'm like......you should know by now". Is it normal that as we get to middle age couples stay as friends but stop being lovers or am I just the comfortable, safe option.
Anyway, thanks for getting to here and any opinions welcome, do feel free to be blunt and to everyone else, yeah I know TL;DR
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Relationships
Feel like I'm being taken for a chump
HarmlessChap · 17/01/2016 00:17
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