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A dad's first date. Out of my depth? HELP

(73 Posts)
1DAD2KIDS Sat 16-Jan-16 12:06:56

Basically I am a single dad with too kids. I seperated 7/8 months ago. My ex was the love of my life and left us for another man. It left me with two young children and a totally torn apart heart. I miss the connextion and intimacy I had with my wife so much (I have a thread regarding this).

Anyway I am sick of feeling this way and thought it would be nice to meet someone. So I started a bit of online dating as I have very little time to meet people in the conventional way. I have met someone I like and we have arranged a dare for just over a weeks time. But now I am worried in so many ways. I have really dived in over my depth.

Am I running before I can walk. I know my ex isn't coming back and neither do I want her back. But she was the love of my life and I still miss the life we once had. Is it too soon?

Have I got the time? With work and two young children (one is a baby) is it right to date someone if all you can give them is possibly a date once a week?

Also going on a date, I feel like a total fish out of water. It's been so long. I intended to be married for life so never thought I would be dating again. Please any tips?

munkynutts Sat 16-Jan-16 12:11:16

Don't worry, you'll be fine. Take things slow and be upfront with the women you date from the get go.

ALaughAMinute Sat 16-Jan-16 12:21:12

You are a single man with two kids and you deserve to be happy.

Your date will be as nervous as you. All very normal and expected.

Where are you going on your date?

A drink or a coffee is usually best for a first date because there's not so much pressure. Relax and enjoy.

WhetherOrNot Sat 16-Jan-16 12:33:33

Good luck - it will all be fine. Be yourself, be honest and just take things easy.

donajimena Sat 16-Jan-16 12:38:40

Stop overthinking it. You might enjoy it more than you think. You might find its not for you at all.
I went on a date with someone and it was with a heavy heart I showed up as I was fairly recently out of an LTR.
I am so glad I did as he completely blew me away!

goodnightdarthvader1 Sat 16-Jan-16 12:44:56

Treat it just like a date, not the start of a long term relationship. If you two get on, that's great. Otherwise it's just a nice evening out (that you deserve) meeting a new person. Don't put pressure on yourself.

Muddlewitch Sat 16-Jan-16 12:57:58

How much do you know about the woman? If she has children etc too I am sure she will be fine - I would love to find someone with just weekly dates.

Agree with pp, treat it as what it is - a date, a chance to spend a little bit of time with someone and have a chat. It's not a relationship or a big heavy deal, she will be feeling nervous too.

1DAD2KIDS Sat 16-Jan-16 12:58:12

I thought keep it simple. So we are going for a drink. I nice place I know with a good atmosphere and a good place to talk. It's daft but I feel like a silly teenager aging. I am happy with being my self but worried my nerves will get to me and I will just say stupid stuff or worse nothing at all. My confidence has taken a huge hit over the last few months and I am worries it will be my downfall. It's easy to say relax but hard to achieve.

And then there the little things like we I see her do I give her a hug, shake her hand, peck on the cheek? What if I get it wrong. Fitst impressions are important right?

This is very new to me. With my ex it was easy as I met her when I was very drunk. By the tine of our second date let's just say we already knew each other fairly intimately so we were so shy around each other. But a traditional date sober is new teriortry me.

donajimena Sat 16-Jan-16 13:04:40

A peck is absolutely fine. I remember being greeted with a peck. I think a hug would have been a bit odd. A handshake too formal.

donajimena Sat 16-Jan-16 13:05:15

You will update won't you? grin

wickedwaterwitch Sat 16-Jan-16 13:08:20

Of course you should date (if you want to)

Be yourself
Don't bang on about your ex
Ask about her, people love to talk about themselves

I hope it goes well, good luck

Cleensheetsandbedding Sat 16-Jan-16 13:09:17

Oh you will be fine. I'd think of some conversations to have if there is a bit of a lull.

Make sure you look sharp as it will give you confidence and ask her plenty of questions about herself.

Good luck and keep us updated!!

donajimena Sat 16-Jan-16 13:14:39

Yes don't talk about your ex. I was very blasé about mine. Even though the relationship badly (him cheating me heartbroken)
I honestly didn't expect to hit it off with anyone but by the time I got home I was 'ex? What ex?'
This was the third date I'd been on since I split with my former partner the other two were awkward and not for me so I don't just fall for anyone who crosses my path.

ALaughAMinute Sat 16-Jan-16 13:14:50

I think you should shake her hand when you first meet her and possibly go for a kiss on the cheek (depending on how well you get on) at the end.

Your confidence has taken a huge hit and there's always a chance that hers has too. Do you know anything about her situation?

She will understand if you are nervous just as you will understand if she is nervous. And if either of you run out of conversation you'll help each other out won't you?

If you don't like her you can always make an excuse and leave. You are not obligated to stay longer than half an hour - you will be fine, chill.

donajimena Sat 16-Jan-16 13:15:20

Sorry it should say ended badly

1DAD2KIDS Sat 16-Jan-16 13:16:21

I will do. It's a week Tuesday. Preperation is probably good so I better think of some things to say. Plus I am happy to talk about my self but I must remember to let her talk about her self lots and ask lots of questions.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sat 16-Jan-16 13:28:22

"I know my ex isn't coming back and neither do I want her back. But she was the love of my life and I still miss the life we once had. Is it too soon?"

Possibly. Are you emotionally over your ex?

Catpants123 Sat 16-Jan-16 13:48:54

I think it might be too soon for you. I have two small dc and I have had to give up dating as I had to keep cancelling and started messing people around because I couldn't juggle everything. It's hard.

Like you I could probably only manage a once a week arrangement but I have found guys put a lot of pressure on to see me more, including coming to the house and staying over (wanting a shag) and when I remind them I have small children in the house, they look as if it never entered their head (too preoccupied with the shag.) Every single person has wanted to move things on too quickly. And you can't blame them. If they are genuinely looking for a relationship, how can you do that with your commitments at home let alone with all your mixed up feelings over your ex?

Tbh I would not go out with someone with a baby.

1DAD2KIDS Sat 16-Jan-16 13:52:19

I am to the woman she used to be but that woman has long gone. Every time I see her now I don't see that woman is used to love. The woman I used to love has died and its as if a new woman has taken her body. It is time now to live my life again and be happy.

1DAD2KIDS Sat 16-Jan-16 13:56:40

She works full time and has children too. So on one hand free time would be hard for both of us but on the other at least we're in the same boat. Any way I guess I am just taking one step at a time. It's a first date so we may not like each other anyway.

1DAD2KIDS Sat 16-Jan-16 14:02:10

Catpants makes some fair points. Should I bin the idea or see where it goes?

pocketsaviour Sat 16-Jan-16 14:07:25

I think you should go on the date anyway, but be aware of your own vulnerable state and don't get drawn into anything too quickly. I do think there's a danger in dating too soon where you just want to replace the person who left. Do you think that may be a danger for you?

loveyoutothemoon Sat 16-Jan-16 14:12:02

You will know if she likes you, visa versa, and the chemistry is there.

I'm female and when I was dating I wanted to date someone at the weekends due to having kids. So they'll be plenty of ladies around that'll want the same thing. Just relax and enjoy.

DeeDee47 Sat 16-Jan-16 14:16:04

I agree with pockets,please be aware of your vunerable state... Its difficult after any break up,be aware and be honest,can be very painful if its too soon

1DAD2KIDS Sat 16-Jan-16 14:16:09

Thank you for the warning. I am not looking to replace my old life. I was great but it's gone. My main focus is bring up the kids. I get a little free and would just like to meet somebody new and have a laugh again. It's all very much baby steps and I am in no rush.

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