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WWYD: Is it possible to restore this friendship?

(13 Posts)
orangetomatoes Fri 15-Jan-16 19:42:21

Over the past few months a close friend (A) and I have been becoming more and more distant. It started when I didn't tell A about mutual friend (B) having a go at me. I didn't tell A because I thought it was for me and B to sort out without putting A in the middle. However B did tell A and A got the hump because she thought I was keeping secrets from her (forgetting all the other information I had confided in her over the years). A didn't ask me why I hadn't told her and instead stopped telling me anything personal in a kind of 'tit for tat' behaviour.

We still meet for coffee occasionally but A clearly has decided that there are things that we used to discuss that she no longer wants to share. I've recently had a major family crisis and I'm reluctant to tell A about it after her blocking me for months but feel awkward not telling her. Part of me thinks that if tell her something personal then maybe she will start to open up to me again but the other part of me thinks that if i confide in her and she carries on holding back information then I will be mightily pissed off and it will kill the friendship completely. I'm not sure I trust her enough to tell her. WWYD?

Arfarfanarf Fri 15-Jan-16 19:52:00

Honestly? Id find another friend. I cant be doing with childish huffy crap.

pictish Fri 15-Jan-16 20:02:44

Who the fuck behaves like that apart from an eight year old? Is she holding you to a pinkie swear?

buckingfrolicks Fri 15-Jan-16 20:06:30

I would worry that A and B are more friendly than A and me, to be honest. That kind of thing still gets me upset, it's horrible. What I'd do now would be to have a really honest conversation with A.

Soooosie Fri 15-Jan-16 20:08:52

Do you actually want to tell her?

orangetomatoes Fri 15-Jan-16 20:34:00

Soooosie I don't know. It's something I would have told her immediately in the past and I was planning on sending her a message about it because I don't want to perpetuate the 'you didn't tell me about x so I'm not telling you about y' thing. But it's news I've only told close friends and A and I aren't close friends at the moment.

bucking I don't care if A and B are better friends than A and me. I would like my close friend A back but I'm not sure that's possible.

Gobbolino6 Fri 15-Jan-16 20:38:45

Sounds like primary school.

springydaffs Fri 15-Jan-16 21:50:30

Can you talk about this openly with A? Instead of doing morse code relating...

You could at least tell her you didn't share about the fall out with B bcs you have integrity and didn't want to gossip.

A sounds like hard work to me. But for the love of God, do talk about it openly. I don't see you have anything to lose.

Soooosie Fri 15-Jan-16 22:07:32

I think you should give her an inroad and see if you can both draw together again. To get closer, you have to be open (vulnerable!).

Soooosie Fri 15-Jan-16 22:09:09

Text her and say 'how's your week been? Mines been difficult...,'

orangetomatoes Sat 16-Jan-16 09:11:23

Thanks Springy and Soooosie. I sent A a very factual email telling her what had happened and will wait to see if / how she responds.

springydaffs Sat 16-Jan-16 23:40:51

If I have a fall out with one friend I don't tell anybody else who knows that friend. I may talk about it with a friend who is totally unconnected in order to get some perspective - but rarely do. It's for us to work it out together.

Good luck op.

dangerrabbit Sun 17-Jan-16 07:08:14

I think this is the sort of thing that needs to be discussed face to face rather than through email if you want to repair the relationship.

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