I just broke it off with a guy after 2 months. Was discussing with a friend and she told me I was being unreasonable and had been trying to "control" things too much...
Met late Nov, full on for 3 weeks, saw each other 3-4 times a week, loads of contact, happy, lovey texts morning noon and night. Slept together after 3 dates.
He went back home for 2 weeks over Xmas. Still lots of texts, full on, said lots of lovely things. I missed him dreadfully and, frankly, started to feel quite attached to him. Not uncommon I know - a fantasy relationship starts to form when there's distance etc.
He returned early Jan. But it wasn't quite the same. Not so different that it was shocking at first, but I could feel the plates had shifted.
We had a day together planned the day after he got back... he cut it slightly short, citing exhaustion. Totally fine.
Then I noticed he was not texting me in the mornings like he used to.
I felt a change in his tone. He seemed to be cooling. Then I noticed he was not making dates with me. He used to consistently ask to see me and make time for me.
Then we made plans for a Sunday together... I text him late Sat saying how much I was looking forward to it. And he didn't text back. Until 7pm Sunday. Saying he was so sorry but had been up late Saturday and then slept all day. I had arranged childcare!!
I didn't bother losing my temper, thought I would just see how things went. I would rather give him rope to hang himself iyswim. Just said oh, ok, yeah I would have liked to have seen you, what a shame.
Then I mentioned, in a text, that I was starting to feel worried about how he might feel about me, because he seemed to be cooling. He shrugged it off, actually typed "haha" as part of his response. I started to see the writing on the wall.
We saw each other on the Monday. Was nice. I text him goodnight and he didn't reply. OK...
Then no good morning text all Tuesday. I text him, thinking "well maybe I am being silly". Friendly but again, cool response.
Had tentative plans Wednesday. He text at lunchtime "did we confirm tonight? the weather is so good i might go and [play sport]".
I was slightly floored. Just said "Well I would love to see you. Up to you."
Him "I will let you know at 6" (we had plans for 7!!!!)
Later that day "oh turns out my best mate is leaving [his city] tonight, i have to drop everything to see him, would have had to nix our plans no matter what anyway"
At first I thought, well, he sees his mate once a year, fair enough.
Then I thought...This is 2 months in and I am being treated like an option. The mate thing is fine. The sport thing? Not so much.
The next day, Thursday, AGAIN no morning texting like we always used to. Which cemented my thoughts even more. He had just dropped me, he should have been trying to make it up to me!!
So I text, being very nice, just saying I didn't want to see him again, and wished him the very best.
He replied "well if that's really what you want, if you change your mind you know where I am" (Which to me says, yeah I am not that into you but if you want to have sex again let me know)
and shortly afterwards "I am confused, I don't want to end things".
I replied saying "I don't think you are really confused, I think it's quite clear that you want to put distance between us. I don't want that, so we are not going to be happy together."
No reply. Fair enough.
Beyond the obvious behaviour things, there have also always been signs with him that he wants to keep me (and I think everyone, really) at arm's length. I always noticed this about him and I assume he has issues of his own, which, of course, I can't help him with.
Am I wrong? My friend says that I am engaging in power struggles and didn't like that I didn't have the upper hand over this man, that I wanted him to chase me around etc.
But I was always very nice and accommodating of him. Always! For example he once cancelled on me due to illness and I absolutely didn't feel wronged by it... because he was nice about it and didn't make me feel like an option at that time!
Sorry so long.. didn't want to drip feed.
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Relationships
AIBU? Dating question
beesandknees · 15/01/2016 15:45
Yep, I hear you. Mine was texting all the time, always saying he was looking forward to seeing me, etc., and at the moment I barely hear from him. I tried saying look, I have no problem with you being a bit quiet (to be honest sometimes it's a bit much when at work!) but it's the dramatic shift in behaviour that makes me feel like something is wrong. He's basically told me not to be silly 
Still trying to decide what to do, but in the meantime I'm just leaving him be.
FWIW....I paid a fair amount of money for 1-2-1 with a dating coach. She was amazing and 13 months later I'm TTC with my DP 
Anyway....she would have said to talk it over with him, face-to-face ideally before you call it off. Talk about it in a totally non-blaming way but also make your expectations/standards very clear. You can then have an adult conversation about it and can tell so much more through a F2F conversation than texts.
My DP went through a cool(er) period with me and I followed this advice and he opened up to me that his past couple of relationships he had been keen and then it hadn't worked out so he was trying to play it cool because he really liked me. Not saying this is what is going on in all cases (I had 42 first dates before meeting DP and met my fair share of arses) but until you have a grown up conversation you're really just trying to read his mind...
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