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It is my birthday

(37 Posts)
Ijustneedtovent Fri 15-Jan-16 10:47:28

I have just had a gift token thrown on the table by my H, with a mumbled 'its your birthday'.
He has slept in the spare room for two nights and I have had the silent treatment apart from two outbursts. Apparently everything is my problem and I think he is waiting for me to apologise.
I have a son and daughter and parents. No one has sent me a card, or rang or texted me to say happy birthday. My only card was from Matalan.
I have had hours cut at work, my car has given up the ghost, so I am stranded.

User name says it all eh?

What a fucking life.

ImperialBlether Fri 15-Jan-16 10:48:57

Happy birthday!

Sometimes life is rubbish, isn't it?

Why is him giving you the silent treatment your fault? How old are your children?

Threefishys Fri 15-Jan-16 10:49:17

So what are you going to do?,

AnotherEmma Fri 15-Jan-16 10:51:20

You could give yourself a birthday present and assess the relationship?

Silent treatment and blaming you for everything are both on the list of signs of emotional abuse. Is there anything else on there that rings true?

Robotgirl Fri 15-Jan-16 10:51:37

Happy Birthday! thanks
Hope your day gets better.
Your fella sounds delightful.
Have you got any plans for later? (Maybe write a list of pros & cons of staying in this relationship?)

pocketsaviour Fri 15-Jan-16 10:53:19

I hope your day gets better. How old are your DC? Old enough to remember your birthday on their own and get you at least a card? Or young enough for your "D"H to take them shopping, which clearly he hasn't done sad

Ijustneedtovent Fri 15-Jan-16 10:56:38

25 out of the 30 Emma

I am sorry, i did a lot of moaning previously, but admitted I would not do anything about it. I am so worn down.
However, I tried to tell him how I felt on Wednesday and it just all blew up from there.

I can't bear to keep moaning, sorry. I will try to find my old thread, but I think I am getting to the point of no return now. I cannot keep doing this.

Ijustneedtovent Fri 15-Jan-16 10:58:11

Sorry I cannot find it.

It doesn't matter. I need to just bloody well pull myself together and stop whining!

Thanks all

AnotherEmma Fri 15-Jan-16 10:58:43

Bloody hell, 25/30 is a LOT.

Please call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247. Please! You won't have to do anything but they can talk it over with you. I'm sure you'll feel better after talking to them.

Do you have any real life support, presumably not your parents but maybe a supportive sibling or friend?

Ijustneedtovent Fri 15-Jan-16 10:58:45

Pocket - they are married with families.

AnotherEmma Fri 15-Jan-16 11:01:14

Have you changed your user name? I can only find one other thread with this one (and you mention others).

ImperialBlether Fri 15-Jan-16 11:02:21

So it's just you and him living there? I hope your children call you and give you a card/present some time today. Do you have anyone you can go to see - a friend or your mum?

Drew64 Fri 15-Jan-16 11:03:46

Happy Birthday!
Make it your own day, equip yourself with a bottle of your favourite tipple and get on Netflix.
Fuck everyone else!

ImperialBlether Fri 15-Jan-16 11:03:52

I've just looked at that list. I'd be unhappy if one of those things was happening in my marriage. For 25 of them to be happening, you must be desperately unhappy.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief Fri 15-Jan-16 11:07:17

This doesn't have to be how you live your life!

Give yourself a fab birthday present and make some plans.

RichardSharpesLeftKnee Fri 15-Jan-16 11:07:44

You're worth more than this. 25/30 is a HUGE number.

Is there a reason why you don't want to do anything about it?

TheoriginalLEM Fri 15-Jan-16 11:12:00

Do divorce lawyers accept gift vouchers?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 15-Jan-16 11:19:25

I need to just bloody well pull myself together and stop whining!

That sounds like something sneery an abusive partner says.

Don't waste another year on this man. Why would you share your life with someone who holds you in such contempt?

You tried having an honest conversation with him but it fell on deaf ears.

As your children are actually adults you are not staying put for their benefit.
Do you have friends who you can talk to?
Have you ever told your parents that your marriage is in trouble?

Give Women's Aid a call.

Hope next year's birthday is better OP.

Ijustneedtovent Fri 15-Jan-16 11:26:38

I think it must have gone poof.

Back story is H retiring, me being expected to continue working (although he has agreed to give me £500 per month out of his lump sum/pension, so that I can work part time.
He does nothing. I don't particularly like him, but I have lived with him for over 30 years, so he is a habit.
I am miserable most of the time, but I cannot seem to do anything about it. I have kow towed (sp)? for so long, I cannot bear the unpleasantness and upheaval, I just feel as though I cannot be bothered with it all.

I know this is all my fault, either get on with it or do something about it, but I feel unable to motivate myself - hence the whining tag I have given myself.

I think i would be happier alone, I am lonely in my marriage, being alone would be no worse.

I need to get my arse into gear.

Thank you for reading the ramblings.

For those who asked, I cannot really go anywhere. Deep countryside, snow, no transport and twice daily bus services.

I am sure my children will ring tonight, I am just so worn down, I am feeling sorry for myself!

Ijustneedtovent Fri 15-Jan-16 11:27:46

I cannot talk to my parents Donkey, my dad is dying at the moment, so trying to support them too.

Threefishys Fri 15-Jan-16 11:47:44

My ex once gave me two Turkish delight sellotaped to two bottles of wine and a Starbucks gift card. And I was so ducking grateful. Ooh he knows I like Turkish delight and wine and Starbucks! My standards had dropped so low. Then he dumped me! By contrast my very very very DP bought me lovely thoughtful things for Christmas that required more than a trip to asda and it was at that point I realised how you're supposed to be treated. Get out or forever be disappointed. How you are treated at special times says everything about how valued you are.

AnotherEmma Fri 15-Jan-16 12:16:16

Aw OP, you sound very defeated and depression. My suggestion is that you go and see your GP - say that your husband is emotionally abusive and you are depressed. Ask about available counselling services. You could also ask Women's Aid about counselling and/or find out if there is a Freedom Programme near you.

I think it's really important to get the ball rolling on that. As for other things you could do to cheer yourself up today, how about:

- Go for a walk. I don't know about where you are but it's a beautiful sunny day here. A bit of fresh air and light exercise would do you good.

- Buy yourself a birthday present. If you can't go out to a shop, you could order something online. If there's nothing you want you could order yourself a bunch of flowers.

- Think of one or two people you'd enjoy seeing, could be your parents, child(ren) or a friend. Ask them if they're free to meet up today or tomorrow. Doesn't have to be a big deal, just popping over or meeting up for a cuppa.

Here are some birthday flowers from me!

Boosiehs Fri 15-Jan-16 12:21:12

Happy birthday!

You are worth more than your H. I hope that this year brings you the strength to make a change. flowers

Gobbolino6 Fri 15-Jan-16 12:23:52

I remember a previous thread about a husband wanting to retire but not wanting his wife to, perhaps that was yours. My husband also ticks off a lot on the list, 19, and I'm not planning to leave either. We've made a lot of progress (I am no picnic to live with either, I imagine). I have read that it's very unusual for an EA partner to change and I can believe it.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but a much deserved Happy Birthday to you flowers.

Ijustneedtovent Fri 15-Jan-16 13:21:43

Yes Gobbolin, that was me.

Just back from a walk with the dog. It is icy, but sunny smile

I feel defeated at the moment, will try to sort my head out this weekend.

Thank you all for your loveliness.

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