The spidey sense

[munkynutts]

More of a theoretical post, this one.

Reading through some of the stories on here made me think back to something that happened to me a few months ago with my DP, meeting a female friend of his.

As soon as I met her I heard this incredibly strong visceral feeling. It was almost like an immediate powerful sense of recognition if that makes sense. My instinct was right.

Would be interested in hearing how this feeling is generated, how is it possible? It might not be the sexiest or chattiest woman in the room. Somehow...you just pick up on something. But what and how? And do men have the spidey sense?

[Threefishys]

I know exactly what you mean and it is inexplicable.

[Joysmum]

So much of communication is through non-verbal nuances. Your spidey senses picked up on that.

[Destinysdaughter]

Do you mean she was someone your DP was having an affair with? I think it's pretty subliminal, picking up on very tiny clues from body language, eye movements, little signs between them, could even be pheromones. So subtle but your subconscious recognises them. That's my guess anyway!

[AliceThrewTheFookingGlass]

Slightly different but my partner once casually mentioned a female colleague, he didn't say anything worrying but I got an immediate really horrid feeling right in the pit of my stomach. Less than a week later I find out that she had been making a pass at him. She knew about me and our child together so made it clear she was just wanting some no strings fun. DP told me all this and shown me all emails and work texts so it wouldn't look suspicious if I happened to stumble across them.

[HooseRice]

I had a friend years ago who could tell how you felt about someone by the way you said their name or spoke about them. His talent was so finely honed he managed to accurately describe someone I knew just by the one or two things I said (not descriptive). It wasn't woo, it was him "reading" the voice vibrations as he described it. I wonder if what you describe is a version of this?

[Fleurchamp]

I have had this too.

I went away for a weekend with friends. When I got home I was talking to my then boyfriend about his weekend. He mentioned bumping into a female friend of his whilst on a night out with his mates.

I knew this friend as we had been out a couple of times with her and her boyfriend but I immediately knew something wasn't right.

I was correct and they are now married with two kids

[Guiltypleasures001]

I always say it's like being covered with loads of invisible antennae (sp) they pick up small nuances our other 5 senses don't. It's what we call that gut feeling or instincts.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I knew who exDP was shagging just from her liking a post of his on FB. Straight away. I knew it was her (I already had the feeling something was up so don't know if this counts for this thread or not

[CheersMedea]

Mostly it's body language and behaviour. Google micro-expressions. Stuff that you see but it's so quick you don't even notice you've seen it. Even if you were watching it back on a DVD and stopped it, you wouldn't notice it. You would have to slow it right down and do it frame by frame to catch it.

This is both from the person themselves when they meet you and interact with you and from the person interacting with others.

There's nothing spooky or magical - it's just reading people's behaviours and micro expressions and gestures.

[BertrandRussell]

Confirmation bias.

[watchingthebox]

oh god I have had this with an ex who got infatuated with a woman at work

he just kept mentioning her "mentionitis" I have heard it called

I dropped him off at his work once and saw her, she actually looked like a Barbie doll, stunning, you know that kind of beauty where someone literally does not look real:? and my stomach dropped, I just knew

[janaus]

Last May, I had misplaced our landline handset. I was on a mission, looking for it everywhere. As I was walking past DP's mobile phone on the charger, I felt a "pull" and stepped back, picked up his phone, and first time ever, I looked at his messages. And there it was, a "filthy" text. Whoa.

[dontknowwhatcomesnext]

Married 13 years, together 14. There were only two women the entire time we were together about whom I asked my "D"H. Yup. Gold star for intuition, even if I was incredibly stupid about a whole host of other things.

[KitchenNightmare99]

I have this exact feeling right now. No proof no change in routine but there is something in my gut telling me there is something not right. He keeps watching our son wistfully like there is something playing on his mind. Horrible feeling

[Notasinglefuckwasgiven]

Yep a fiance I had after my first marriage. He went to a work do and I just knew. To be fair my dtb is a bit woo and told me when I heard DP say a certain phrase I'd have to start looking hard. On DP way out he said the phrase....middle of the night I just knew when he didn't answer a text. He came home and I checked his phone. Hundreds of texts begging this very young to have sex with him. So glad I checked his phone. Out of character for me but saved me from a life of misery.

[Notasinglefuckwasgiven]

Young *girl.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

When DW's cousin walked into the room, I wanted to hit him within five seconds. Three weeks later he abandoned his family, emptying the accounts on the way out. His father's will was interesting: don't often get to hear the words "biggest mistake of my life" describe an only child.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I don't know what it is, probably one or more of what other posters have said it is already. I do know that it's a very good and valuable 'asset' and whilst I think most women's are finely tuned, I don't think men's are to the same degree.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Forgot to say, on 'micro expressions', there was an excellent US drama (with the British Tim Roth starring) called 'Lie To Me'. Definitely worth a watch, I'm re-watching it on Netflix at the moment.

[TooSassy]

Spidey sense is NEVER ever wrong.

Sometimes we choose to ignore it (as I did for years in my marriage). Didn't have the courage to rock the boat.

Now I pay absolute attention to it in all walks of life. Career and personal. It's never ever been proven wrong yet. If something feels off, there is normally a very sound basis to back that feeling.
You either have to wait or dig....

[BertrandRussell]

"Spidey sense is NEVER ever wrong."

Yes it is. All the bloody time.

We only remember the times when "spidey sense" (shudder) turns out to be right.

[Threefishys]

It depends if you're already on alert you'll pick up things to substantiate your beliefs.

[CheersMedea]

I agree with BetrandRussell (that's a sentence I never thought I'd type!) - confirmation bias is a big part of this kind of stuff as well.

So microexpressions, behaviour + a healthy dollop of confirmation bias.

[CheersMedea]

*(that's a sentence I never thought I'd type!)

to clarify I meant in relation to THE BetrandRussell deceased not the poster Betrand Rusell.

(just realise that could be read as offensive!)

[Buttercup443]

That Malcolm Gladwell book Tipping Point goes on to explain spider senses, foreboding which turn out to be thousands of little clues our senses pick up but the brain computes it quietly.

I'm very, very good at this. Not sure why.