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Anyone left marriage after affair only to be 'dumped' by OM

(116 Posts)
allymcbeal1 Thu 14-Jan-16 16:13:28

I had an affair with a divorced man who said he wanted me to be free before seeing me again (early November). I fell in love and believed him when he said he felt the same. The affair made me realise my marriage was over. I duly stated divorce proceedings and taking him at his word and now after letting him know this (that I am now separated) he has gone completely silent and won't return my text/call. This was a month ago. Anyone been in this situation? I feel so stupid but do know divorce is the right thing for a range of other reasons I won't go into.

Sunbeam1112 Thu 14-Jan-16 16:20:31

This is your karma. You were almost unattainable because you were married and it to some its the thrill of seeking around. I think youv'e left yout marriage with the expection of starting a full on relationship whih utilmatelt hasn't happened.

Penfold007 Thu 14-Jan-16 16:31:11

Sorry but no sympathy from me. My sis has left for OM only to be dumped.

SilverOldie2 Thu 14-Jan-16 16:36:13

So a good lesson learned hopefully.

LilacSpunkMonkey Thu 14-Jan-16 16:37:51

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Jan45 Thu 14-Jan-16 16:39:23

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hellsbellsmelons Thu 14-Jan-16 16:40:07

No experience but I'm assuming there is a huge back story to your relationship and there were 'reasons' for your infidelity.
But... don't contact him again.
Leave him be and let him come to you.
It's usually the thrill of the chase with these men so let him chase you.
Then tell him to fuck off!

Leave your DH and go and find yourself.
If it has been an abusive relationship in any way then please do contact Womens Aid and do their Freedom Programme.

Be single, find your happiness, then you will be ready for another relationship.

sije Thu 14-Jan-16 16:40:31

Well at least you've left an unhappy marriage as he gave you the push you needed. He's done you a favour really.

Joysmum Thu 14-Jan-16 16:41:11

You realised your marriage was over so you left. Whether or not this worked out with the man you cheated on your marriage with or not, you left an unfulfilling relationship and set you and your ex free.

If you only left because the OM seemed like a better bet then more fool you, but best you left rather than limped on.

Duckdeamon Thu 14-Jan-16 16:41:39

What did you expect, guarantees of happiness?

magpie17 Thu 14-Jan-16 16:46:01

Sounds like leaving your marriage was the right thing to do either way, but I don't think you'll be seeing this guy for dust I'm afraid.

VocationalGoat Thu 14-Jan-16 16:46:13

I would follow through with the divorce. Your marriage is the problem. If you think it's salvageable- don't get that word confused with 'tolerable'- and if there is a capacity to love again and learn from this difficult period, then you and your husband must put time and effort into rebuilding trust. This is ground zero. My hunch is, it's you time and s divorce, in the long run, might bring you the fulfillment you're missing.
Happiness starts with you. No one else can give you that gift. But they can share it with you. And that's the best gift. That is real love. You don't have that right now
But you can have it if you move on and do some soul searching or truly, deeply repair your current marriage. Good luck. flowers

MrsJorahMormont Thu 14-Jan-16 17:01:35

From the threads I've seen on here, unfortunately this seems to happen a lot. I feel sorry for all of you in this situation.

You've used the OM as the push you needed to end a marriage that wasn't working. It's not your finest hour and you probably won't get much sympathy on here.

Forget the OM. Move forward with your divorce if it's the right thing to do (you may not have a choice in that as I'm sure your DH is angry and hurt), then take some time to get your head in the right space before you embark on ANY relationships.

IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey Thu 14-Jan-16 17:02:21

There are worse things to be than single. You're leaving a marriage which you presumably believed to be irreperable and now you're single. These things happen.

MoMoTy Thu 14-Jan-16 17:04:48

Well you got what you rightly deserved. Great that he dumped you so you know what you did your own husband.

expatinscotland Thu 14-Jan-16 17:06:13

Well, you're single now. Onwards and upwards.

lunar1 Thu 14-Jan-16 17:07:07

Did you remember to tell your husband he needed a sti test?

VocationalGoat Thu 14-Jan-16 17:08:11

Single is good. You'll grow hundredfold, believe me. When I remarried, I was whole again and stronger than ever. I left my first husband for someone I used to respect and wanted to get to know wink Corny as hell but true! smile

ChatShitGetBanged Thu 14-Jan-16 17:09:08

"OM" is a twat

however he has done you a favour and made you get out of your shitty marriage

similar happened to me actually when I left my first marriage, OM made me see what I could have, ie a better relationship, but actually when I could have him, I didn't want him blush but was a whole lot happier being out of my horrible marriage, and eventually went on to remarry

allymcbeal1 Thu 14-Jan-16 17:09:54

Actually people are so quick to judge. I have had 15 years of my husband using escorts and being belittled before I fell for someone else. That was wrong I know but of course life isn't as simple as some would like to think....

WinterBabyof89 Thu 14-Jan-16 17:11:39

lunar nowhere in the OP did it say that OP had unprotected sex with OM so your comment is ridiculous and completely unnecessary

allymcbeal1 Thu 14-Jan-16 17:12:37

Actually we had an emotional affair...

bettyberry Thu 14-Jan-16 17:15:55

OP, he has done you and your husband a massive favour here. Obviously you were unhappy in your marriage for whatever reason; I don't need to know.

You did the right thing - deciding to divorce- but for the wrong reasons - because you thought you'd fall happily into a new relationship.

Grieve the failed relationships, your guilt over the affair and the massive changes in your life. You need to get through the divorce. Then consider dating again.

This OM though, I think he's long gone. Some men (and women) only date married folk. Its risky, thrilling and the expectation to commit isn't there.

ChatShitGetBanged Thu 14-Jan-16 17:17:14

ally please ignore the people being shitty to you. you do not have to justify yourself flowers

it's not wrong to fall for someone else and leave a marriage. no one should go through life unhappy - your situation sounds intolerable

hope you are ok, definitely sounds like you have done the right thing and OM was just the push you needed to get out

enjoy your new life and stay away from OM even if he does get in touch

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 14-Jan-16 17:19:53

It sounds as though you're better off being single, I mean that kindly, than either in your unhappy marriage or with OM who was clearly quite turned on by the illicit nature of the relationship rather than the prospect of a real one.

You'll be okay.

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