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Partner caught and now admitted he doesn't want to be with me any longer

18 replies

Monkey10 · 14/01/2016 11:11

Hi there
Me and my fiancé have been together for 4.5 years and have a 2.5 year old together. Over the past 6 or so weeks he has been very distant withdrawn and selfish. I upped my care and went out of my way to ensure that things were light and happy in the house, waking early to make him breakfast, taking our daughter to his work at lunch to break up his day and telling him more than I usually do just how much he means to me and how much I live him. He then told me he was depressed and was smoking again. He stayed late at work and did not answer his phone leaving me to arrange everything for Christmas whilst questioning why he was behaving the way he was. All came to a head after Christmas when I noticed that he had liked almost every picture of a girl at works instagram. I asked him about it, he said that he had gone for a drink with her after work and she had listened to his problems. I was gutted. Here I was doing everything in my power to make life good for him so he would feel more relaxed and open to talking to me and he chose to open up to a hot girl at his work. I kicked him out for a week hoping he would try and think positively about getting back on track, see a doctor and research councillors to speak to about his feelings. Instead he spent a week at his mums going to the pub and failing to check in on his daughter at home with me. He came back we tried again. Everything was very weird and again he was acting differently and withdrawn. Not loving in any way. Then a week later I find a receipt in his coat pocket for a £200 necklace. I confronted him and he admitted that he hd bought it for the girl at work, he is aware that it was wrong but found her attractive and just went with it. Again I kicked him out. We spoke after a few days last night and he now tells me that he doesn't love me anymore, hasn't for a while and he just wants to see his daughter
I am of course heartbroken and feel very rejected.
I know I can't force him to love me and that yes people can fall out of love with each other, but as this is so one sided it's very hard to understand what went wrong and what triggered his feeling. I can't help but feel that by trying to be the sensible, planning mother that I now am, he no longer finds me exciting. I am just doing the best for our daughter though. I don't want to go out drinking trying to be cool all f the time. I want to be a good mum and a good partner
Has anyone been through anything similar? I'm so worried about the agonising future that we now face as a split family. Not getting to have my daughter at home for every Christmas and birthday. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it now but how the hell am I going to meet another man? I feel like he will run a mile if he finds out that I have a daughter. I'm also already thinking about the future "your not my dad so you any tell me what to do" arguments that might arise between my daughter and a possible future step dad. God, it's terrible
Has anyone recovered from something similar? Thank you for reading my essay xx

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Gobbolino6 · 14/01/2016 11:30

Please try not to blame yourself. You sound lovely and giving and thoughtful and a great mum and wife. He sounds like an idiot who confuses love with the excitement of 'unknown' sex.

Much love to you xxx