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How to deal with family polictics

(9 Posts)
Sanny4040 Thu 14-Jan-16 00:39:36

This feeling is killing me inside. So I am writing this all down to take feedback as to understand if I am over analysing things or actually they r jealous and what should I do??
I have a cousin from my dad side, who is 2 years younger to me. she has one brother and one sister. When growing up I was close my cousin and her brother. Since my dad was already established, I would party them around and hang out together all the time.
We had r bad times too with each other but who doesn’t we would be back together. The problem with my cousin Z was she would lie around a lot against me like things I did not say but would portray I said it.

As we grew up we were close but at the same time, we were not that close. She got married to guy based in Australia and we were all very happy, she was hiding her stuff from us, but we(meaning) everyone from my family was very supportive and organised bridal shower for her, her wedding took place and everything went smooth and she left.

I got married in 2009, she came the following year with her husband and baby girl, I took her around, dinner at an expensive restaurant, gave money to her baby girl. Did this to give respect to her husband as he was a stranger and we wanted him to feel comfortable and loved. And she instead got me and my husband some really crappy perfume, although me and my husband has been travelling to Australia since we were kids and we also know, they have great sales and one can buy a decent present without spending a lot of money.

It’s not like she couldn’t afford it. She could, but I know she didn’t bother. Instead whenever I used to travel I would get her good stuff. By the way after marriage Australia is the first time she travelled internationally. And she is very brand conscious as well. So I am not asking brand but at least not dirt cheap.

Things were fine. She lives with her in laws and 3 sisters in laws.
In 2012 me and my husband decided to move to Australia. After few months he got a job in MNC. She had invited me and my dad side family and my bro who also lives in Australia couple of times, and so have my family and so have I. she says but never makes an effort to visit me.

I had always told my other family members she was an opportunist, as in if she needs a favour from you she will b your best friend, later on when you call her she will never pick calls or respond back for days or months.
In fact, when I moved I felt she was avoiding me, I don’t know why. Instances:
I last met her face to face on Jan 2015, and no contact nothing, she had gone to meet my sister, and my sister asked her have you met sana lately and she quickly said yeah me (as in her and her daughter) will be going to her house next month. On the other hand, she never evens talks to me. So my sister went like your r saying she doesn’t want to meet you and she is saying she is coming to your house, I told her she is bluffing as you caught her off guard and to save her ass she said this to you, which is true as she never contacted me after that conversation.

Secondly it was sister in law birthday in Sep 2015, she comes in room and we have an eye contact, and she gives a look to me as if she is pissed off with me and you know that fake half smile you give and inside I was thinking okay what is wrong with her. Anyways she was fine during the event, my parents were there to but on the other side of the table. So basically it was me in the middle she on right and another cousin (who is related to both of us on the left) and my sister in law opposite us.

She stood up to distribute her sister in law wedding invitation card she gave one to my mom, to my sister in law, passed me and gave a card to my other cousin and totally ignored me, she didn’t even look at me for once.
My sister in law and cousin were in total shock as to what she did. They wanted to ask her and I asked them not to. Because I felt she did this to make me feel bad or what ever and I am not begging her to INVITE ME . On top of it she was showing her sister in law wedding preparations she is doing and discussing things.

I was acting extremely calm no reaction on my face, because to honest I was thanking GOD showing her true face, no one believed me. But why did she do that?? What have I done to you?? Your r keeping relations with everyone, like my brother but you r not inviting me. I was also considering may be she had to invite limited people, well then she could have decently excused for not inviting me. Please explain me why do you think she did that.

She was so daring she didn’t care my parents were around.

Was she trying to make me feel bad and why????

She is better of many ways, we have relocated in this country, we manage our bills. She lives with in laws and has to pay no bills. And is a housewife who has freedom.

Anyways top it up she showed me her sister in law trail make up pics, the only thing I said was the lipstick, I suggest if she could put light she will look nicer. She showed the same picture to my mom, coincidently my mom said the same thing and she went like yes aunty, sana said the same thing she said her nose his long and she is dark she should use light lipstick. And my mom was taken aback when she found out from me I never said such things.

Her daughter whenever we meet is always giving me kisses. She before all this act, I had got a dress for her daughter and gave her despite she had been giving me fake smiles. And still she had the audacity to give out cards on my face and totally ignore me as if I don’t exist.

After 5 days she called me and messaged me couple of times, I did not bother picking her call, and then her husband called my husband stating it was his fault and he never gave cards to my cousin and please do come. We didn’t go as we knew her brother wedding was coming over and they wanted my family to attend the functions back home, so probably had to reverse her act.

Her in laws have always been nice to my parents, invite them over dinners, this time when they came they did not even talk and no proper invitation was given from their side. We felt my cousin has poisoned them against us. But why as a family whenever they needed us we have been on their side.

Her brother comes and stay at my place couple of times. And whenever he speaks to her on the phone and says I am at sana house she never even out courtesy says okay say hi to her, nothing.my husband and my cousin has good friendship.

He told everyone he is getting married all my cousins in Australia knew he is getting married, my brother knew as my uncle had called and invited them to come over for the wedding, EXCEPT ME. Neither he called and told me or hubby nor my uncle called me for the invitation.
So in return I have had enough of assholes being asshole, I never called to congratulate them and nor said to my cousin.

Okay he was in a hurry he never told anyone. When he went back home, you r sending my sister in laws pictures of your wedding, you could have what’s app me.no he did not instead very nicely when he came back after 1.5 months he called me. I didn’t respond to any of his calls. So he messaged my hubby who told him we r un well and will get back to you. That was in last year oct 2015.

After that we have no connection with each other. Actually you might think I am not calling back. But when they need you they r your best friend, after that they don’t give a fuck.

Now his finally wedding ritual is in April my uncle has already distributed the news that my brother is coming and again up till now no contact with me.
I actually don’t care, but what’s bothering is you are taking favours from my dad and mother, and being friends with my brother and not talking to me, avoiding me, being rude to me ?? what the agenda???

Gobbolino6 Thu 14-Jan-16 01:02:20

I'm not sure there's any agenda other than that, for whatever reason, they've chosen not to invite you. Hurtful, but you don't seem to particularly like or respect them anyway, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. It all sounds like a lot of hard work..gossiping, bitching, analysing the financial value of gifts etc...I'd try to stay out of it rather than deal with it.

Tiggeryoubastard Thu 14-Jan-16 01:10:04

I didn't understand half of what you said. But the gist I got is that you all sound immature and bitchy and someone unsurprisingly hasn't invited you somewhere.

Sanny4040 Thu 14-Jan-16 01:25:39

thanks for the reply.

All I am trying to ask is if my cousin being jealous of me? as nothing bad has never happened between us and suddenly when I moved to Australia she has started to behave this with me ONLY.

We are all one family and she only tries to avoid me and keeps talking terms with my parents and brother and other cousins.

And including her and her family( back home) Avoids me. So my only concern is why would she chose to do this to me. that's all.

I am trying to reason why would someone do that? that's all.

Gobbolino6 Thu 14-Jan-16 01:29:01

It doesn't sound to me as though she is jealous. It sounds as though she just feels you don't get on, and since there seems to be a lot of history of bitching, second-guessing, imagined slights and bad blood, it's not surprising. Why don't you just ask why? And ask if you two can make a fresh start if you are interested in that?

Sanny4040 Thu 14-Jan-16 01:30:12

I wasn't evaluating the gift in monetary terms. it's the feel that you give someone when you get them presents anyways that's not important.

Gobbolino6 Thu 14-Jan-16 01:48:18

What is important then? I assumed that you felt that was very important, since it was the first story you told about her.

The only thing I get from the thread is that there seems to be a lot of bad feeling going round about the smallest of things. It's really hard to tell what's going on. Nothing in your post suggests she might be jealous. There's nothing major. This suggests to me that it's just an accumulation of general bad feeling, and that if you want to improve the relationship a sincere chat together would be the way to begin. But if you just feel a bit slighted, I wouldn't bother.

If I've misunderstood the situation, sorry.

NerrSnerr Thu 14-Jan-16 04:23:46

There's nothing you've written down that suggests she's jealous. It sounds like there has been a log of immature arguing from both sides and she's decided that you don't get along. It doesn't sound like you like her much anyway so I don't know why you're worried.

Glastokitty Thu 14-Jan-16 04:42:57

She doesn't like you. You don't like her. What's the problem?

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