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can you ever make a go of things

(28 Posts)
babycow38 Wed 13-Jan-16 23:35:54

I have posted before, my OH went with OW and it turned my life upsidedown, i left with my two kids, they went through hell, we lived in a rented house that wasnt ours, it wasnt thier bedrooms, it wasnt home, they were failing at school. i have recently took my partner back, i moved back with the girls, into what i consider my family home. The trouble is i am much,MUCH harder now, i would never move out again, i will never put up with a prick who was unfaithfull, but as much as the girl;s are happy i feel pissed off, i have made him pay, he cant do enough for me, goes out of his way to "make up" for shagging someoneelse, i still have this icy hatred for him.

Sleepingbunnies Wed 13-Jan-16 23:37:38

How can you have a relationship if you have icy hatred for him?!

AnyFucker Wed 13-Jan-16 23:38:44

What a beautiful love story sadhmm

Wouldn't you be happier without him?. This is no way to live.

mum2mum99 Wed 13-Jan-16 23:40:20

It sounds it is more about the house and your DDs. What about you? Is your happiness not worth anything?

babycow38 Wed 13-Jan-16 23:43:14

I know, but my children were distraught when we split, sorry when thier Dad fucked around, i did everything to help them, but the sad fact is they are so much happier now we are back together,

AnyFucker Wed 13-Jan-16 23:44:43

They might think they are happier but this is a terrible example for them about how relationships are meant to work.

janaus Wed 13-Jan-16 23:47:52

I know how you are feeling. Similar situation here, although we are older, with adult children. I didnt move out but moved into separate bedrooms for 8 weeks, We have both agreed to try, date nights, do nice things for each other, no secrets, etc. Its OK, DH has been good, but my mood swings are terrible, one day I can't do enough, but others I know the hatred and suspicions are still there. Just little things trigger what has happened. I do think with counselling, I can overcome this. We have had so many good times, and have a good life. I have also made a promise to reconnect and try.
I wish you all the best, sometimes just talking and asking questions helps.
I guess we will never understand "why" these men are prepared to risk a good marriage.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Wed 13-Jan-16 23:50:21

Oh that's just great. You're going to to teach them that men are untrustworthy and must be tortured for it, and that it's their job to martyr themselves as well.

Where do you think the inhabitants of Stately Homes come from?

PassTheWench Wed 13-Jan-16 23:50:49

It seems you might have salvaged the pieces of this relationship solely for the girls. While I understand this May seem like the best option, living in close quarters with someone you have an 'Icy hatred' for is going to be very bad for you mentally. No one can benefit in the long term as the atmosphere will be toxic (the dc are sure to feel it); your hatred will not turn to love so you are denying yourself happiness and dp will never be able to really get you back. Are you sure this is what you want?

babycow38 Wed 13-Jan-16 23:51:20

what i am trying to say is , when i read all the heartbreaking posts from women who have been shafted by cruel men, i know because ive been there, the kids hurt the most, mine did, if i could go back in time i would NOT have left, i would have kicked him out, but i was vunrelble, not on the mortgage, no claim to anything, i want other women in this situation to dig in, DO NOT move out,

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Wed 13-Jan-16 23:51:42

PS: He is, of course, a complete bellend for cheating.

mum2mum99 Wed 13-Jan-16 23:58:58

If you were able to access good housing, would you still be with him?

babycow38 Thu 14-Jan-16 00:00:24

And also, okay i am not happy, i have lots of resentment towards him, i accept that, that is what i had to accept when i moved back in, BUT my children got thier bedroom back, they visably relaxed, they stopped stressing, i will pretend for as lon as it takes if it means my kids are alright

mum2mum99 Thu 14-Jan-16 00:03:36

Can you kick him out?

babycow38 Thu 14-Jan-16 00:13:12

Mumm2mum, yes you are absolutely right, i had to go to private housing, i couldnt afford it, my kids had to share a bedroom, it had wet rot and mould and i couldnt even afford that! they are so much happier now, and i do think about what i am giving them, as a role model thanks Mumsnet

babycow38 Thu 14-Jan-16 00:17:42

And thanks Any Fucker, do you come on here to help or just to make OPs feel worse,strewth x

PassTheWench Thu 14-Jan-16 00:19:37

Is the house jointly owned? Is there anything you can do to put a clear plan on place to protect you and the dc's financially should the relationship become too much again?

babycow38 Thu 14-Jan-16 00:43:24

No he owns the house, thats why i moved out with the girls, worst thing i ever did

babycow38 Thu 14-Jan-16 01:15:17

i hope somebody hellpdn, i want to kill myself

BathtimeFunkster Thu 14-Jan-16 01:19:43

Insist he puts you on the deeds as a condition of trying again.

Then when the icy hatred gets too much, kick him out.

kittybiscuits Thu 14-Jan-16 06:08:41

This ^

12purpleapples Thu 14-Jan-16 06:24:26

This sounds terrible. Hopefully it doesn't take you too long to secure your housing situation so that you don't have to live with someone you hate.

Jan45 Thu 14-Jan-16 14:10:36

Big mistake OP, you should not have went back - I hope you get away and are able to start again without him.

Your kids will be fine, as long as they see both of you, they are resilient, people split all the time and the kids survive.

I think you went back too quick, you don't even like him and who could blame you.

It's a stress for anyone that moves, kids too but we all adjust and get on with it and yes sometimes you have to make sacrifices to be happy and may not have the big house and money you had before.

TheTigerIsOut Thu 14-Jan-16 14:19:16

I think you are not alone at staying for the so called "sake" of the children. But in reality you kniw that you are back because you are afraid of being poor.

Living with someone you hate to afford a certain standard of living is NOT a good example for the children. I understand your predicament but.., if I were you, I would channel the energy from that hate, into doing something productive to get financially independent and able to kick him out asap.

TheTigerIsOut Thu 14-Jan-16 14:20:52

Having said that... i just jumped into the void as I couldn't bear spending the rest of my life with the exh. i have no regrets, it is difficult at times, but bothh DS and I are much much happier.

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