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DS (5) asking about breastfeeding, DP says it's disgusting..

(30 Posts)
PooDogMillionaire Wed 13-Jan-16 20:26:48

DS (5) asked if I had a baby in my tummy would it drink milk from my boobies. I said yes, he said if he sucked my boobies would milk come out. DP then stands up, says it's disgusting and leaves the room.

He says DS 'gropes' my breasts (he's touched them a few times and I've told him to stop) and his comment about breastfeeding was disgusting and not normal. He says I should have corrected him telling him it was rude.

I'm really angry and upset.

3littlebadgers Wed 13-Jan-16 20:31:09

You DS was just trying to understand the basics, you were right to answer him honestly and openly. If you did have a baby would DH expect you to hide feeding it? The way a small child touches your body is completely innocent. I think DH was sexualising it but a small child wouldn't think that way.

IndomitabIe Wed 13-Jan-16 20:32:29

Those questions seem entirely appropriate given his age and development.

Your DP is being ridiculous.

Kids become fascinated with bodies. It's normal. It's only society that teaches us to be squeamish about it.

TimeToMuskUp Wed 13-Jan-16 20:33:06

Wow, is your DP always so jealous of your DS? That sounds quite odd as small children love a boob-pat; I work in a Reception class and often get a tap to the boob from a little person trying to get my attention. They're children, they don't associate breasts with anything than another part of your anatomy.

Also, is your DP genuinely disgusted by breastfeeding, or by your DS knowing about it? Telling children about breastfeeding is perfectly normal, and especially boys; how else will they learn to support and understand their future wives/partners choices if they have children and decide to breastfeed (which, lets be honest, is what breasts are designed to do; the whole sexual side to breasts thing came way, way after that in terms of evolution). DS1 was 5 when DS2 was born and often watched him breastfeed. He had a dolly of his own and would lift his top and try and breastfeed it himself. Perfectly normal. Boys need to learn to be good Fathers like girls need to learn to be good Mothers. Best way to begin that learning is by setting a positive example at home.

defineme Wed 13-Jan-16 20:34:02

Your dp has big problems, perfectly normal of your ds and really uptight old fashioned and wrong behaviour by your dp.
Do you disagree about other things?

Pipbin Wed 13-Jan-16 20:35:34

DP is seeing the questions through the eyes of a sexual adult. He sees breasts as a sexual part of a woman rather than the physical aspect of them that wasn't that long ago for your DS.

DS asked perfectly ordinary questions and you asked them correctly. It is only adults that see breasts this way.

PassTheWench Wed 13-Jan-16 20:37:36

You were completely in the right here. You will be bf'ing in front of your ds so it's not like he isn't going to see and bf'ing is nothing to be ashamed of at all. Is your dp often conservative when talking about natural bodily functions?

ravenmum Wed 13-Jan-16 20:52:11

I find it rather disgusting that he talks about your son "groping" - making your son's innocent behaviour into something sexual. Boobs are nice and soft and wobbly, they are fun to poke! I wonder if your partner has a real deep-rooted problem.

Offred Wed 13-Jan-16 20:53:56

Yep, DP is being ridiculous.

He'd have a field day with my DTS (6) who asked me out of the blue the other day "can I suck on your booby?"

My sister is 34 weeks pg so we've been talking about all things baby for a while, including me having fed the twins till they were 2.

DP needs to grow up IMO.

Offred Wed 13-Jan-16 20:58:14

How does DP suggest he is going to explain his behaviour to DS?

Fairylea Wed 13-Jan-16 21:05:00

Perfectly normal behaviour and questions from a small child.

Your dh is behaving like an arse.

AnyFucker Wed 13-Jan-16 21:06:15

your partner needs to grow up

YouBastardSockBalls Wed 13-Jan-16 21:06:27

I'm guessing DS is not DPs child?

Your DP needs to get a grip.

ThoughtfulPenny Wed 13-Jan-16 21:14:34

I thought the same as youbastard your dp sounds jealous of your ds who was simply asking questions!

Offred Wed 13-Jan-16 21:19:41

To me he sounds like a man who sexualises women's breasts and who feels territorial over yours because he feels they belong to him.

He also thought it was ok to essentially call a small child disgusting and storm out...

Breast issues aside he sounds an absolute peach... Not...

Optimum007 Wed 13-Jan-16 21:22:45

Your DP sounds disgusting. How dare he. Prick.

usual Wed 13-Jan-16 21:24:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr Wed 13-Jan-16 21:26:37

So what is he going to do when you're breastfeeding in front of your son? He sounds awful.

VoldysGoneMouldy Wed 13-Jan-16 21:26:59

Do not stay with this man. You will receive no support from him when this child arrives, and he is already shunning you for even discussing nurturing your child.

BertieBotts Wed 13-Jan-16 21:31:03

Do you think it's the word "boobies" he was objecting to rather than the subject of BFing? Some people don't like words like that being used by children.

It seems like a weird overreaction if not.

Shallishanti Wed 13-Jan-16 21:32:53

are you actually pregnant OP?

NerrSnerr Wed 13-Jan-16 21:34:41

Ah sorry, I misread and thought you were pregnant. Your partner's attitude still stinks though.

LynetteScavo Wed 13-Jan-16 21:36:17

I think the line between breast feeding and sex is very confused for some men.

They will see feeding a new born as acceptable, but in their view a 5yo will be between being a new born and a man who sees breasts as sex objects.

Your DS is asking perfectly normal questions for a 5yo, but as your DH now seems to see your DS as being too old to feed and heading towards manhood/DH's's almost as if he's forgotten he's a small child, because he's not a baby any more.

I'm sooo not explaining this well...

I understand why posters exclaiming your DH needs to grow up....but when DS1 was 5 I really didn't want him to see me expressing. He asked lots of innocent 5yo questions, which he deserved an answer to, but I was really, really uncomfortable with the questions, even though I'd fed DS1 for 9 months. I some how saw DS1 as much older than he was. confused I may well have exclaimed "It's disgusting" as that's how I felt. sad

WLmum Wed 13-Jan-16 21:37:40

Your dp is being an idiot. Your ds is 5 and innocent. He doesn't know that boobies can be for anything else. When dd3 was born, dd1 (5) and dd2 (2.5) both wanted a go and occasionally still give it a go - I bfed dd3 for almost 3 years and she still asks for it every day. The other 2 occasionally follow suit. Dd3 has a hand down my top as often as possible - it's just comfort and closeness for her. Dd1&2 give them a squidge from time to time - just innocently exploring how our bodies are different.

nellyflora Wed 13-Jan-16 21:51:50

Your DP is really misinformed. I bf in front of my 8 and 5 year old SONS all the time. It's normal to them and how baby's feed. They rather unfortunately now don't understand bottle feeding😳 Very embarrassing moment over Xmas when SIL was making up a bottle for her baby, son1 told her " its easyer to use your udders aunty s " the word udders was him trying to be anatomically correct apparently 😐 He thought it more polite than boob or breast when DH corrected him and asked why he called them udders (We live in rural area and he go's to school with farm children so I do get why). The positive is at least they know what breasts are for, I will work on the language a bit before they get girlfriends though or they may get slapped!

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