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What do you think?

(26 Posts)
danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 20:05:48

So me and my partner have been going out for about 3 years, we have a son together, and for the last couple of months, ive become really paranoid, i keep thinking my partners going to cheat, hes give me no reason to think this, i just cant seem to shake the feeling off, everytime i bring it up its causing arguments, how can i get this feeling out of my mind ?

Avpixie27 Wed 13-Jan-16 20:12:05

When did your paranoia start? I know this may seem like an odd question but do you watch reality shows or soaps? Seeing signs that match your own where the partner cheats could spark paranoia that it will happen to you. I felt the same when i was home with my baby and he was late home from work

danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 20:27:13

i do actually yeah, and i think theres someone cheating on every soap now. i feel really pathetic, ive even checked his history on the laptop and his mobile but never found anything, i know i sound pathetic but it seems like i cant shake the feeling off

jillyarmeen16 Wed 13-Jan-16 20:49:38

When you say if you bring it up it causes arguments does he get defensive?
I believe in a women's intuition and mine has served me well very recently

Avpixie27 Wed 13-Jan-16 21:00:51

I totally understand, my partner was still talking to his ex (that liked him) and he lied to my face about it as his phone had gone off early and he was still asleep so i checked it incase it was work id wake him but when i saw who it was and confronted him he made up a story. Ive had doubts ever since even though he says nothing happened

danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 21:03:45

no he doesnt get defensive, once i bring one thing up, i start questioning him about everything, like who is he talking to on facebook, or why does he take hes phone in the bathroom with him, he shows me instantly who hes talking to but the next time he takes hes phone somewhere i start again, i think hes getting fed up of me asking him near enough every day, what hes doing on the phone or laptop and thats why hes started snapping

Bogeyface Wed 13-Jan-16 21:05:39

How old is your son?

Avpixie27 Wed 13-Jan-16 21:06:15

Ive had the "bathroom phone" conversation, and i say "why dont you let me lend your phone if mines on charge" but always get "oh hang on i need it". Not to check but to prove hes hiding something. But it turns out he just gets bored if hes in the bathroom for a while (tmi)

danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 21:14:13

our son is 3. and yeah thats all my partner does ive actually gone as far as to peep in the bathroom to see what hes doing on the phone, as hes back is to the bathroom door, and hes just been checking the news or whats going on in football

Bogeyface Wed 13-Jan-16 21:19:16

I wondered because paranoia can be a symptom of depression and I wondered if you could have PND. Is depression a possibility? How are things between you other than this?

MiddleClassProblem Wed 13-Jan-16 21:26:39

I get like that if I have a weird dream. If he's anything like my DH he's in there watching Star Wars trailers. How are you feeling in yourself?

Avpixie27 Wed 13-Jan-16 21:27:32

I think you need to be honest with your partner and say "i trust you but some part of me is paranoid you are looking for a mew partner" the more you are honest and talk openly about the issue the more he will understand that you arent accusing him of anything just your brain is paranoid. It might be worth talking to your gp about the anxiety and paranoia as it may be a chemical imbalance

PassTheWench Wed 13-Jan-16 21:29:17

Well I've become 3 times more paranoid since spending so much time on this forum. Maybe it's that? smile

Has his behaviour changed at all? Does he work late? Does everything add up when he tells you about his day?

Maybe it's something else, have you had a confidence knock recently or self confidence issues? ( I find myself a lot more vulnerable if I've put on weight for example).

danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 21:32:32

our relationship is fine other than this, we do loads together, i had a miscarriage in march and now come to think about it, this could have started then, im not too sure, the doctors already prescribed me medication for panic attacks, anxiety n depression, although theyre still testing out the dosage i need of each

danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 21:33:50

i already have self confidence issues as im really slim and no boobs, both of which get me down too

TheoriginalLEM Wed 13-Jan-16 21:36:50

You know that soap operas aren't real don't you? They don't reflect real life in any way shape or form.

Do you live together?

danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 21:42:12

yeah of course i know theyre not real, they do get you thinking though. and yeah we live together

pocketsaviour Wed 13-Jan-16 21:44:56

Your son is 3 but you've only been going out 3 years?

danipate Wed 13-Jan-16 21:47:13

its almost 4 years now weve been going out and our son is just turned 3, i got pregnant really quick

MiddleClassProblem Wed 13-Jan-16 21:54:52

I think it's probably something that has come about from soaps, your self esteem and his phone usage. You just have to somehow get passed it as it genuinely is all in your head. Maybe you two need a date night or something so you can feel how much he loves you. It might sound superficial but a bottle of read and a chat about your favourite things about each other can go a long way in building your confidence in your relationship

Avpixie27 Wed 13-Jan-16 21:56:02

Do you work at all or are you a stay at home mum? Being home alone watching tv shows about cheating and arguments could work your subconscious into putting 2 and 2 together in real life but coming up with 5 as its not real. The medication should be aided by counselling as you are going through something that will cause more arguments. From his point of view he may be getting fed up of being accused, some men may think "well if shes accusing me i may aswell" but the majority will just argue their case until they cant argue anymore. Be honest with your partner and maybe see your gp about counselling to help you vent about your worries. Also try watching a drama or sitcom instead of eastenders or reality tv

springydaffs Wed 13-Jan-16 22:38:48

I don't know if you'll relate to this but when I had my first baby I became terrified my husband would die. But it wasn't my husband I was terrified would die, it was my baby. A baby had died in our family a few years before my baby was born and I think I was so terrified of my baby dying I couldn't even face that actual fear but instead transferred it to my husband as somehow less unbearable.

I'm saying all that bcs it may be the grief from your miscarriage has triggered the paranoia about your partner?

springydaffs Wed 13-Jan-16 22:42:28


PassTheWench Wed 13-Jan-16 23:39:22

flowers I'm sorry the hear about your miscarriage. That is bound to have an effect on your feelings. When you suffer a loss like that it could make you more protective over other people in your life. Do you think this could be part of the reason you are concerned about your partner?

danipate Thu 14-Jan-16 21:46:21

i think it could actually be the miscarriage thats triggered this, ive been thinking about it almost all day now, i feel like ive let him down by miscarrying, we were both really excited and then it just shattered, we have been trying again but its also frustrating me that i havent fallen pregnant yet, i think im going to make an appointment to see my gp, thanks for all your help guys <3

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