I have lied to my therapist

[munkynutts]

I started going to therapy a few months ago and it has been a huge help, I really like and respect my therapist.

I started lying to her 2 or 3 sessions ago. She had helped me work through a toxic relationship that had ended. But it started up again and I haven't told her.

Also I have started being pulled into an underworld that is quite dark and scary. I don't want to go too many details but I'm worried I might be getting in too deep and now more than ever I need her help.

I'm really upset and confused. I want to be honest with her because I don't like lying to her and besides, what's the point in going if not to be honest?

On the other hand I'm worried she's going to stop wanting to help me - that she's going to think I keep repeating the same mistakes and am unfixable.
Please help, I'm not sure what to do.

[meiisme]

Talk to her. And if you can't say it, write it down or print out this post to let her read. Helping you break a pattern of repeated mistakes is her job and no decent therapist will declare someone unfixable. Help yourself and talk to her!

[HandyWoman]

Tell her. That's what she's there for. You are barely nanoseconds into therapy and this relapse is a golden opportunity for more insights.

[Strangeoccurence]

She is there to help. Do open up to her, she can and will help you x

[Destinysdaughter]

Don't feel ashamed, I'm sure she's seen it all and you don't need her approval! If you tell her she may be able to help give you the strength to leave the situation you are in

Alternatively you can post anonymously on here ( or start another thread ) and I'm sure there will be experienced people who can help you. The main thing to remember is, you're NOT alone!

[munkynutts]

Thanks guys. I just feel like I'm letting her down. That she's going to be disappointed in me and think I'm a bullshitter.

[Destinysdaughter]

Do you want to tell us any more about your relationship OP? No one is going to judge you here. There are many many people who have been in toxic relationships, been sucked back into them but eventually have managed to leave. I know it isn't easy but if you talk about it here it may help you get some clarity.

[TaintedAngel]

Just to reiterate what others have said, your therapist will not mind at all.

In fact she will have more respect for you being honest as it shows you want the help and want to change. Plus she will deal with people not telling her the full truth on a daily basis with other clients.

Good luck

[SmallLegsOrSmallEggs]

She is paid to give you therapy. So don't feel bad for getting your money's worth.

Do you want to get out of the toxic rs? Orcis your reluctance to speak about it because although you know it is unhealthy you want to stay in it nonetheless.

[duckduckquack]

No way will she be disappointed in you!! You haven't let anyone down. Being a therapist is her job so while she cares about you she's quite neutral and won't be hurt that you've lied.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

The only person you're letting down is yourself. It isn't going to hurt her that you've lied, but you're wasting your and her time by going through therapy based on a bunch of lies.

The reason you've lied is that you're ashamed of it - so you need to tell her that you have lied, why you have lied, what's going on and then do the genuine therapy that you actually need to do, which these lies have obviously become part of.

You need to work through why you've gone back to this relationship, why you're still in it, why you are ashamed to admit it - and only then can the therapist truly help you. Otherwise, as I said, you're wasting both your time.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

If you were 'perfect' and so was everyone else, she'd be out of a job.

Relapses and backtracks are the perfect time to look at why you do things. Just tell her.

[Hissy]

It is possible she knows already. When we are free, we bloom.

He'll be making you wither.

[Glitterbauble]

Your therapist won't be disappointed in you OP. It is there job to remain detached in that way otherwise it wouldn't work. Be honest you will get more from your sessions that way and she might help you understand why you have put yourself back in that situation. Also nobody is 'unfixable' you are not broken it's her job to help you see that.

[AdoraBell]

She will not be disappointed. Please talk to her, she can only help you if you are open and honest. She will know that some people have learned to hide things and that is a tough habit to break. It is also different to being a bullshiter. And she knows that.

[Throwingshade]

She won't be 'disappointed' because she's not your friend. She's your therapist. She is used to people lying, minimising, denying. This will be very very useful for you to discuss with her - why you felt you had to lie, why you felt you'd be letting her down, so much valuable stuff can come out of this. Just tell her.

[PhoenixRisingSlowly]

It will help so much if you can tell her, don't be scared because she will have heard it all before and will be able to offer you support. She won't judge you.

[pocketsaviour]

Agree with all PPs above. Could you potentially email her before your next session, if you're worried you'll chicken out in person?

This thing you said about being drawn into an underworld - are you putting yourself at risk OP? It sounds like you need help to get yourself to safety. Please be open with your therapist because she may feel she needs to recommend further services as well.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

OP, please tell your therapist. She will not think less of you. I am always gratified when my clients tell me when they have lied. It signifies a shift in the client and a deepening of the therapeutic relationship. It's more common than you think.

I hope things get better for you soon.

[Tutt]

You haven't let her down at all, she is there for you the good, bad and the ugly. She won't even consider judging you, she will still care about you regardless of anything.
If she is like me I think she may have already figured out that what you say and what you mean are different. Your words would say one thing whilst the delivery of the words and your body language would be at odds with that.
Therapy takes in the whole and not just words, I would imagine she is waiting for you to feel safe enough to tell her if you decide to.

You also don't have to tell her but please don't feel guilty or any of those types of feelings as that will set you back again.

[MajesticWhine]

Telling her will give you both an opportunity to examine why you are putting yourself back in this situation. Therefore there is much to be gained. You are not going to therapy to win your therapists approval but to get help for yourself. And coming clean will improve your relationship with your therapist as well as allowing her to help you.

[maggiethemagpie]

She won't care that you've lied to her in terms of how it affects her (as in, any judgement of you, or she shouldn't if she's a good therapist). But she will probably want to look at why you felt you couldn't be open, and are you worried about people's judgements of you in general and therefore feel the need to misrepresent yourself to people in other areas of your life.

All this is good to get out in the open so you can work on it.

FWIW you are not obliged to tell your therapist everything that's going on in your life. I see a therapist and there's some things I haven't told him, because I chose not to and I don't feel I need to even though sometimes I think maybe I should have.

However if you are actually saying something is happening differently to how it is, it will mean the therapy will have a limited value as you won't be working on your real life problems, so it will be a waste of valuable therapy time.

I know you may feel a bit silly at first admitting you lied but I bet if they are an experienced therapist they have seen it many times before.

[Guiltypleasures001]

She probably already knows op, we're all human and fallible, don't put her on a pedestal it's not helpful and she's there for you no one else. You actually admitting it on here is your first step, and possibly shows you want the help she can give you, I'de hazard a guess you need help extracting yourself from this relationship again.

It's all a learning curve lovely, Gotta break a few eggs an all that, be kind to yourself

[Penfold007]

A good therapist will already know you are holding back. The only person you are lying to is yourself. The suggestion to email is an excellent idea. Use this as an opportunity to re explore your issues and whether this is a relationship you want to stay in.

[munkynutts]

Thank you so much everyone, I feel much more confident about coming clean. Xx