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(25 Posts)
dadneedshelp72 Tue 12-Jan-16 09:54:27

ty for taking the time to look at my post

i'm currently seperated from my wife and am overwhelmed by my emotions.

i'm normally quite a "together" sort of person that just gets on with everything, but at the moment i'm REALLY struggling with everything.

I waver crazily from just manically doing all the household chores and burying my head in my work, to days when I can barely hold on.

Yesterday I sat at work all day on the brink of tears.
I did get some work done but even breathing was a struggle.
When I got home I walked the dog, and then sobbed uncontrollably
for well over 30 minutes much to the distress of my teenage daughter

i'm scared I will lose my job if I cant "get a grip"
I know it will ease in time but how do I help myself stay in control
right now ?

The last time I was in this kind of state was when my daughters mother
passed away and I had to have 6 months off work -
I cant do that right now id lose my house

Any tips advice would be appreciated

Twitterqueen Tue 12-Jan-16 09:59:00

Poor you OP.. You are clearly grieving.
Firstly, I would say stop fighting it for a bit. Can you get signed off work for a week or 2 weeks? if you can 'give yourself permission' (horrible phrase, but I don't know how else to put it) to grieve for this period you may it easier to pick yourself up afterwards.

Fighting emotions is not productive or helpful. it's important to acknowledge them, accept them and - not indulge in them exactly, but give those emotion some time and space to work themselves out. Give yourself a day or so doing nothing except crying on the sofa and walking the dog.

But try to do it when your DD is not around.

pocketsaviour Tue 12-Jan-16 10:08:07

Oh bless you OP, I'm so sorry things are this hard flowers

I really strongly suggest you see your GP urgently and just tell them you are not coping. ADs might be helpful in the short term perhaps, just to help you get through the days a bit more easily.

What kind of atmosphere is there at work? Does your company have an employee assistance program of any sort - if so, these usually offer referrals for counselling. It sounds like you have really been bottling things up and just gone into coping mode, which is understandable but isn't helping you move forward.

I also guess that the separation has brought to mind your previous bereavement and stirred up a lot of feelings.

How long ago was the separation? Did you have any DC together or is it just you and teen DD now?

dadneedshelp72 Tue 12-Jan-16 10:19:48

ty Twitter
ty Pocket

I posted another thread on here yesterday about the separation
"desperate help needed"

i'm in a " temp " job so no holiday pay or sick pay. I do have pre arranged leave in Feb with my daughter so that should give some space.

it was the beginning of October when she moved out.

I did my best to hide my emotions from my daughter at the start,
but at the moment its all too much

pocketsaviour Tue 12-Jan-16 18:29:26

Speak to the GP anyway - you don't have to be signed off to benefit from ADs and/or a counselling referral.

Do you think maybe you've been keeping things together through Xmas for your DD's sake and now it's all fallen a bit to pieces?

neighbourhoodwitch Tue 12-Jan-16 18:43:10


dadneedshelp72 Wed 13-Jan-16 12:02:38

Pocket - What is ADs ?
ty - Neighbourhood

yes Christmas may have been a factor
but it may also be a touch of realisation that we will not get back together

pocketsaviour Wed 13-Jan-16 12:04:57

Sorry - ADs = anti depressants.

dadneedshelp72 Wed 13-Jan-16 12:17:40

Pocket - ty

No offence to anyone that finds them helpful, but i'd never take medication.

I just need to work through this somehow.
My head knows there is only a 1% chance we will get back together
its my heart that cant accept it yet :-(

Happyinthehills Wed 13-Jan-16 12:24:20

Can I ask why you won't consider medication?
Would you be willing to talk to your GP?

tallwivglasses Wed 13-Jan-16 12:41:08

OP I had the same attitude as you about ADs. But if they help to stop you falling apart why not give them a go? They might just help you get on with work and not fall apart in front of your daughter. You can always stop taking them if you think they're not making a difference (give them a few weeks though). Also get yourself on the list for some counselling. Again, you don't have to take it up but it might help. It may not feel like it but things will get betterflowers

dadneedshelp72 Wed 13-Jan-16 12:46:37

ty Happy - i've seen too many people become dependent, and besides I want to learn to manage it not mask it.
Talking to my GP means time off work which I cant do, I have spoken to the Samaritans, and to close friends

ty Tall - what does OP mean ?
I know it will get better, and I know I will get through it.
its just the here and now I cant cope with :-(

tallwivglasses Wed 13-Jan-16 13:50:05

It just means original poster. Be good to yourself then. Go for walks. My GP said bananas and porridge are good for lifting the mood. No harm in trying.

dadneedshelp72 Wed 13-Jan-16 14:02:17

ty - Tall

IamlovedbyG Wed 13-Jan-16 15:41:02

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IamlovedbyG Wed 13-Jan-16 15:41:10

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dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 14:23:14

ty - IamLoved

When i'm calm, I know it won't always be like this
18 month seems like a lifetime away right now
she is a teenager and lives with me full time as her mother passed
ty ty re the AD, glad im not the only one

A big part of it is that i'm still in love with her, and id still try again

TheNaze73 Mon 18-Jan-16 14:32:15

I think as others have suggested. A GP visit is a must.

charleneralston26 Mon 18-Jan-16 14:33:00

my partner walked out on me 2 weeks ago leaving a 2 year old and I'm 33 weeks pregnant!
I am like you constantly struggling going walks just so I can cry and not in front of our child! it's honestly the hardest thing ever all I want to do is text him because he was my best friend too not just my partner!
I also had to go to the doctors for some help as was struggling very much only thing is they can't really do much for me as I'm heavily pregnant sad
I also am still massively in love with this person and would give anything to give it another go but he doesn't want to which hurts me even more!
sending you hugs over because I know you'll be needing them! flowers

BrandyRussler Mon 18-Jan-16 14:37:57

So sorry to hear things are so hard, dadneeds. One breath at a time...

This may not be relevant or appeal at all, but have you tried meditation? (there are plenty of intro tracks on YouTube). Are there forms of exercise you enjoy? Anything you can really focus on?

dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:15:26

Naze ty - I'm not going to consider Tablets

Brandy ty - running / cycling are my meditation

Charlene - my heart goes out to you, thank you for thinking of me despite your situation

Gobbolino6 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:37:25

Hello and I'm very sorry you are going to go through this. Normal SSRI anti-depressants aren't something you really get dependent on and I would highly recommend being flexible in considering taking them. There's no point refusing if you then end up in a worse state.

I'd say see the GP and organise some form of help, whether it be medication, talking therapy etc.

Then just try not to expect too much of yourself. You sound perfectionistic (as am I). Lower your standards for a bit and take care of yourself.

dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:46:44

Lino6 - ty

talking with friends helps
posting here helps

i'm far from a perfectionist

Niavely im hoping that if I sort out the house that's one less objection to stop her from coming back

Rationally - I know it will make it a nicer place for my daughter and I to live, and if it comes to appoint easier to sell - and start fresh making new memories

BrandyRussler Mon 18-Jan-16 16:07:40

dadneeds, you sound like you have a lot of resources (friends, exercise, Samaritans if needed, the ability to recognise that things look different in calm moments) and are using them, which is no mean feat when going through something so traumatic. Keep going... flowers

dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 16:11:19

The Samaritans are fabulous - sorry if that makes me sound weak but the anonymity is good

I do have good friends as well

ty Brandy

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