Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Husband has left me at 9 months pregnant(6 Posts)
This is my first time posting on this site and I am in real need of support right now. So to start off my husband has a drug/alcohol addiction. When we first found out I was pregnant he agreed to go to rehab for his addiction. He was there for a month and came back seeming to want to stay clean. He really made me and all of our family believe he had come back a different person. We began to build a house and I could not have been happier. Anyway, several months passed and I could tell he was using again. I would find bottles of alcohol hidden and he would lie and say they weren't his or make up some excuse. Then I started to find pills. It got so bad he would lie to me about everything, saying he had to stay at work late and work weekends and he would come home completely messed up. So Christmas Eve he comes home (late as usual) and drunk and on the way to my grandparents house tells me he has to work all night to finish a project they had a deadline for (doing construction). I thought this didn't make sense as they never work on holidays. I contacted his dad who he works for and asked if this was true. His dad told me it was not true and that they were not working. I was devastated as he had left me on Christmas Eve, at 9 months pregnant to go who knows where! I had no clue what to tell my family as he just up and lied to me and left. I tried calling him and no answer. He did not contact me all day on Christmas or for the next week. New Year's Day he showed up to get his clothes and basically told me he didn't want this anymore, couldn't handle the responsibility, and he was much better off living with his single brother(who has children he never sees) in a different state! He cancelled the building plans on our house and will not speak to me or his family. I am living with my parents now as I am 38 weeks pregnant and completely heartbroken. He has chosen drugs over his family and even his unborn child. He was so supportive before and never missed a dr appointment and now he hasn't even asked about the baby.. Friends have told me he's been out at bars and he's been friending other women on Facebook. I'm honestly so lost and confused at this point. I constantly want to call him cause I am feeling so upset and desperate but I know he would not answer and I'd look like a fool. I could be in labor and he won't even answer my calls. I can barely even sleep at night, driving myself crazy wondering how this happened. I never pictured my life this way. I know he has a problem and only he can help himself at this point but I never thought he would leave me at 9 months pregnant and not even ask about his child.. Any advice on how to get through this?
Horrid man! At least his intentions are clear now. Decide not to let him
Back. You are better off without him as he will be such a poor role model to your child. Poor all your love into that little baby and yourself. You have some great times ahead with him or her.
What a sad and horrible situation. You sound like you're being very strong and level-headed. I hope your parents are being supportive.
I know it would have been best if he could clean up and be there for you and the baby, but if he is unable to do this then it is best that he is not there. You need all your care and attention for this precious new baby and doing not need the added stress and worry of trying to support an addict too. It's him that's missing out and messing up his life, but you just have to let him do that now. Save everything for your baby, enjoy it ass much as possible and accept all the help your family are willing to give. Are you still on good terms with his family?
Good luck, you'll do great.
Thank you. Yes, thankfully I have very supportive parents and family who are here for me and the baby. I'm still on good terms with his family as they know he is an addict and they plan to be around as well.
As hard as it is to realize now, you are better off without him. In his present state he's incapable of being a responsible father.
My brother is a (recovering) alcoholic and one of the hardest lessons I had to learn was that I could not and should not try to help him. That he had to rise or fall on his own.
And so, focus on yourself and your baby. Let those who love you help you. See a counselor if you think it would help (I did and it did help me in dealing with my brother). Do not try to call your husband. Above all, do NOT talk to him if he calls and has been drinking.
So sorry this has happened to you. Addiction is shit and addicts always put their drug of choice before their loved ones. Al Anon is also very good for the relatives of alcoholics and drug-addicts and has the benefit of being free.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.