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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Urgent help

62 replies

Sonia2213 · 10/01/2016 23:23

My h grabbed my son by throat tonight left red marks I shouted at him cause he wouldn't go to bed he blamed me I was scared to say anything I'm at docs tomorrow with son fit different reason should I say

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GiddyOnZackHunt · 10/01/2016 23:25

Yes. Talk to someone.

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Bluecarrot · 10/01/2016 23:25

Sorry this has happened OP.

What age is your son?

Where is your husband? Has he calmed down?

Is this the first time? Do you think you need to leave the house tonight for a safer place?

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Sourpickledqueen · 10/01/2016 23:28

He grabbed your son by the throat?! Is you son ok?

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Sourpickledqueen · 10/01/2016 23:28

Tour*

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AnotherStitchInTime · 10/01/2016 23:30

Yes of course you should.

In fact you should call the Police and report him tonight. He just assaulted your son. If he had squeezed too hard in the wrong place he could have killed him. This is very serious.

Is your son OK now, have you checked on him? Swelling can get worse over time due to bruising in throat crush injuries, you need to check his breathing is OK.

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WLmum · 10/01/2016 23:32

This is absolutely unacceptable behaviour. Yes, talk to someone and get a plan together. Only you can decide what that needs to be but if it were me and mine I know what I'd be doing. Sorry you and ds are in this horrible situation.

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FighterPilotsThumbs · 10/01/2016 23:32

Don't wait for the appointment tomorrow OP.

Call the police right now and tell them your excuse for a H has attacked your poor DS.

Not doing so will let your H and more importantly your DS think that what happened is normal and acceptable.

Ring 999.

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LuisSuarezTeeth · 10/01/2016 23:37

Is this your child but not your H's?

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LuisSuarezTeeth · 10/01/2016 23:40

I hope you and your children will be ok.

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Baconyum · 10/01/2016 23:45

In your position I'd have kicked husband out straight off. Definitely police and at very least tell Dr. Totally unacceptable behaviour.

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ohtheholidays · 10/01/2016 23:59

OP are you okay?are you and your son safe right now?

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Leelu6 · 11/01/2016 00:01

He blamed you for him grabbing your son by the throat?

Please do tell the doctor. x

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ohtheholidays · 11/01/2016 00:04

Please don't blame yourself my love.We can all loose our tempers but as adults we have to take responsibility for what happens when we loose our tempers.You can't be held responsible for what anyone else does or has done.Your husband has to own his own mistakes.

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goddessofsmallthings · 11/01/2016 00:04

How old is your dc?

As your h has shown that he's not fit to be a parent, the onus is on you to protect your son to the very best of your ability.

If you're not willing or able to report this incident to the police, tell the GP tomorrow and ask him/her to refer the matter to SS and the police.

Regardless of your h having blamed you, the fact that he's a violent twunt who doesn't scruple to abuse dc is NOT your fault.

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Ditsy4 · 11/01/2016 00:17

Speak to the GP. This is not your fault. It was an over reaction from your husband. What if you hadn't been there? Your son must have been very frightened. How old is he?

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ForeverFaithless · 11/01/2016 00:41

Sonia, please read and act calmly and carefully to protect your son because it is very important that you do this now, not delay until he morning.

I've been through this with my ex and our son, so unfortunately know some of what you are feeling.

Don't let your brain get into a fog trying to rationalise what your H has done, just phone the police now, it doesn't matter that it is late and your son is in bed and you don't want him disturbed.

Your H is a danger to your son, he needs you to protect him. You need the police to help you do this.

Please do it now.

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Sonia2213 · 11/01/2016 05:55

He's my son not his we have a 1 year old together my son is 7, I was too scared to ring police he started saying he's leaving me etc. I had had two glasses of wine so didn't know if police would believe me. Im scared what do I do

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fitforflighting · 11/01/2016 06:05

Will he be at work in the morning?
If so get copies of any important documents and passports etc. Leave them at a friends or family if you can.
He assaulted your son and he's blaming you and threatening to leave YOU. Please report this.

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fitforflighting · 11/01/2016 06:07

You need to show your son that's it is not acceptable and you will keep him safe. The police will believe you

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Sonia2213 · 11/01/2016 06:10

Will the police not blame me because I'd had a drink? Also I shouted at my son and picked him up and put him to bed my H is trying to say I threw him into bed I did not. He's very manipulating I'm scared he will turn it into me. My son is at his dad's today I don't know what to do

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AnotherStitchInTime · 11/01/2016 06:17

If there are marks then photograph them. Your son is 7 and old enough to say something to teachers or the doctor himself. If he tells the school before you have reported it and had DH removed there will be questions over your ability to protect him. Social Services would always be informed in a case of domestic assault on a child, but if you have taken all steps to protect your children from him by phoning Police and having him arrested then they would not need to have a child protection case ongoing for your children. They will believe you.

You can also call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 or the NSPCC 0808 800 5000 who can support you in reporting this. Women's Aid would be better as they can help you with legal advice to get a court order stopping him being able to come anywhere near you and the children.

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JanuaryKat · 11/01/2016 06:18

No, the police will not blame you.

Your H has assaulted your DS. Please protect your child, put him first. Phone the police.

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GeoffreysGoat · 11/01/2016 07:00

The police will not blame you

This is not your fault

Please, please take steps to protect yourself and your children. Your husband leaving is not the worst thing that can happen

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BalloonSlayer · 11/01/2016 07:03

I think you need to do something quickly. If he tells his Dad and he rings police and you haven't it will look bad on you.

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pocketsaviour · 11/01/2016 07:08

What time is your GP appointment? I think the best thing to do is to go along to that and explain to the GP what happened and ask for help. The GP will have standard steps that they take when something like this happens. They can get you the help you need to keep your children safe.

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