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Sex related question for a friend (honestly!)

(22 Posts)
CheersMedea Sun 10-Jan-16 15:05:29

This is a truly a qu. for a friend of mine - I'm married! Was looking for ideas or suggestions.

She has just started a v. new relationship with a guy she is really keen on - but it's v. early stages. He's quite a catch according to her.

Anyway, they had sex for the first time and she bled a bit afterwards. She assumed she was just starting her period and that's what she told him.

She went to the drs and has been told she has a small cervical erosion & its nothing to worry about. She's been referred to an ob/gyn specialist.

However the Dr said that she is likely to bleed a bit after sex with this erosion (no idea if this is right just repeating).

So here is the question:

how can she deal with it?

She doesn't want to not have sex with him. She also doesn't want to tell him about the cervical erosion.

(FWIW I told her she should tell him and that was the end of my advice. I had no better ideas other than don't have sex with him).

She is very adamant she doesn't want to tell him - she says the name of it sounds really serious, he may think it is sexually transmitted disease related and she thinks it's too early to spoil it with heavy medical chat. (I think it's more to do with her wanting to see him as perfect).

Any ideas beyond mine of tell him or don't sleep with him? Is there anything else she can say to him to explain the bleeding?

CheersMedea Sun 10-Jan-16 15:06:23

Sorry that should be "her wanting him to see her as perfect."

pocketsaviour Sun 10-Jan-16 15:13:48

Female condom or diaphragm?

Branleuse Sun 10-Jan-16 15:18:00

I think she should just explain to him that she bleeds during sex due to a problem with her cervix, but that it doesnt hurt.
I dont see why its a big problem. Not as if shes got anything to be ashamed of

madetomatch Sun 10-Jan-16 15:23:59

As Branleuse says, it doesn't have to be a heavy medical chat. If he's the kind of guy who will find this a problem, she probably doesn't want to be with him anyway.

CheersMedea Sun 10-Jan-16 15:24:23

I agree Branleuse but she is definite she doesn't want to discuss it.

Diaphragm is a clever idea pocketsaviour. I'll definitely pass that on.

Aspergallus Sun 10-Jan-16 15:33:42

Cervical erosions are really common. Especially in women who has used the pill for any time. Honestly, if she's old enough to be having sex she should be old enough to discuss it with him. Avoiding deep penetration will help, i.e. Missionary rather than from behind.

Trills Sun 10-Jan-16 15:44:56

If she knows him well enough to have sex with him she should be able to say
Don't worry about that, I have a medical condition, it doesn't hurt, it's not catching.

Trills Sun 10-Jan-16 15:49:47

She definitely doesn't want to discuss it.

So her choices are to not have sex, or to wait til he notices the blood and she is forced to discuss it.

That might be sooner or later depending on the amount of blood.

If she wants him to think well of her, she should bring it up before he notices on his own and gets worried by it.

AnyFucker Sun 10-Jan-16 15:52:43

I don't think your friend is ready for a grown up relationship

RealityCheque Sun 10-Jan-16 16:10:35

AF has it spot on.

Your friend, in the nicest possible way, needs to grow up a bit.

CheersMedea Sun 10-Jan-16 16:15:44

I'm not disagreeing. I've given her the "tell him" advice. I think she's most concerned that he won't get what it is and think it's some kind of sexually transmitted disease and/or it will put him off her as being "defective".

If he's a nice guy then it's just a no-brainer to me.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 10-Jan-16 16:21:40

He'd Google it though, surely?

He'll notice the blood and think she's hiding an STI. She just needs to say that it's not contagious, it doesn't hurt, she just wanted to tell him incase he noticed.

emwithme Sun 10-Jan-16 16:23:00

I had this about 18 months ago (with DH, so it wasn't as if it was a new relationship). Having previously had CIN3 cells removed through LLETZ I was a bit concerned, but was referred to get things checked out.

I was told that I had some cervical ectropion ( Jo's Trust has a great page about this) and the doctor could treat it but it would likely resolve on its own. It has, pretty much.

madetomatch Sun 10-Jan-16 16:49:41

If she wants the guy to think she's perfect and not defective then you should possibly give her some advice on increasing her self-worth and having a healthy relationship (if you haven't already). This would seem more important than hiding the bleeding.

annandale Sun 10-Jan-16 16:53:19

How depressing that she is shagging someone she can't talk to. I bet the sex is great. Not.

MultishirkingAgain Sun 10-Jan-16 20:53:04

Flatmate of mine had this, and used a diaphragm. She was an over sharer! But hey, now I can pass the advice on to your friend.

TheCraicDealer Sun 10-Jan-16 20:58:17

I've had it twice- the first time I had it the GP changed my pill and it resolved itself. The last time I took the week-break in my pill (I'd run a few packs together) and there's hasn't been an issue again.

I can't get my head around letting someone put their p in your v and yet not feeling comfortable enough to just tell him what's going on.

Hissy Sun 10-Jan-16 21:31:03

It can happen after energetic sex if none has been had for a while.

Apparently.

Answering for a friend

Baconyum Mon 11-Jan-16 03:11:33

I agree she should tell him and be more grown up about it. It's very common and just one of the joys of getting older/hormonal contraception etc.

However there is a way she can have sex and not have to deal with the blood. I have this and I'm honest with anyone I sleep with but simply to avoid laundry nonsense and stains I use sponge tampons. Beppy is the brand I use there are others available online or in larger chemists. Very comfortable and easy to use. And I am told the guy won't notice it/feel it.

But she should still tell him because deep penetrative sex is still not a good idea.

CheersMedea Sun 24-Jan-16 15:14:27

Just wanted to up date - thanks for all your replies.

After much persuading on my part, she did tell him.

What a surprise - he turned out to be fine and thought she was being ridiculous getting worried about telling him. He offered to come with her for hand holding when she goes to the gynae clinic!

WONAR Mon 25-Jan-16 17:19:43

Just got on this thread but what a lovely conclusion to the situation; he sounds like a sweet guy.

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