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Is harmless flirting harmless?

(6 Posts)
tobbay Sun 10-Jan-16 09:35:16

I have met a new man and we have been dating about a month so still getting yo know each other but all the signs look good.

However, a friend of his is cheating so we got on to that subject and he said "I harmless flirt all the time". I don't really believe in that if you are with someone so asked him about it.

He said if he sees an attractive girl he will have a look and think "nice are etc" and he says there is a woman (among others) who he "harmless flirts" with at work. She is very attractive and they are going out to dinner with another college soon. She is married but this doesn't seem to mean much nowadays.

Should I have red flags up about getting any deeper with this guy or is all this perfectly natural?

brilliantpink Sun 10-Jan-16 09:42:46

Red flags all the way i'm afraid

Kacie123 Sun 10-Jan-16 10:02:48

It all depends on who you are and what you're comfortable with. Some people wouldn't mind a level of overt flirtatiousness and might respond that way, but that doesn't matter in this case because you do.

It's hard enough at the start of a relationship to suss out who your partner's been involved with or wanted to be involved with. You don't know how to read them yet. Even if you've been together a while, it can be hard to tell the difference between "flirting as a social thing" and "flirting because of attraction". This means that even if he never ever cheated, you could end up feeling insecure and paranoid. So I agree with pink.

If I were you, I'd probably try to discuss my feelings about it with him first, reiterate how important it is and how uncomfortable it makes you, and see if he'd change his behaviour (few people do mind you, and it might take a while - but worth a shot if you really feel that this guy is The One). After that I'd probably let the relationship go.

A month is nothing in the grand scheme of things and so much better than years of self-esteem being eroded away...

LionHearty Sun 10-Jan-16 10:10:15

To early to be discussing how his behaviour makes you feel and expecting changes. He's told you who he is. Is that what you want? If not then you are not compatible.

LionHearty Sun 10-Jan-16 10:13:16

*Too early - in that you've only known him a month.

AdrianlovesPandora Sun 10-Jan-16 11:10:05

I wouldn't like someone I was with flirting but I recognise that I'm quite a jealous person and that it is my problem. I had an ex that would flirt with others in front of me and wouldn't introduce me for example which I think is disrespectful. I guess you will have to take his comments with a pinch of salt for now as it is early doors and see how things progress?

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