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Long post. How do you get over every man in your life being an utter sh*t

(2 Posts)
temporaryName0 Fri 08-Jan-16 20:51:53

Just that really. Also name changed. I'm 24, seven months pregnant and have a 18 month old DD. Been with my OH since I was 18.

I've just found out that my uncle stabbed a 16 year old girl with intent to kill. He's been in prison since about 2000 and is due for release this year so this happened many years ago. I was told he was in for assaulting an elderly neighbour where he used to stay but I've now found out the real reason. He had psychosis so it was linked to his condition and the fact he was hearing voices. We always had a good relationship and spoke regularly but I just can't get over this. It's almost like the final straw.

My dad has walked in and out my life every five years or so but he's never really wanted anything to do with me. My mum really tried hard throughout my childhood for us to have a relationship and when I was old enough it would always me that initiated contact and he would keep it going for a few months until one day he wouldn't show up and I'd never hear from him again. I really struggled as a child and teenager to come to terms with the fact that he didn't want a relationship and I longed for him to be in my life. I realise this was quite unhealthy looking back. I don't intend on having any further contact with him as I don't want him to do the same to my girls.

Also just came to the end of a sexual abuse trial in November last year where the guy was found guilty and jailed for 27 months. There's also been other male influences like my mum's relationships growing up which weren't great, my uncle assaulting my mum (years ago) and previous partners cheating on me.

I just feel like I can't cope with it all and I'm really messed up as a person. I'm quite insecure and although my relationship with my OH is good and we rarely argue, I can't get over that he's going to hurt me too. He is supportive but doesn't understand how I feel and says that I push him away when he tries to talk. Sorry for the long post, I just need help overcoming this and wanted to know if anyone has been through similar. I don't want to go through another year of my life feeling this way.

Marchate Fri 08-Jan-16 21:49:33

Sadly it's too easy to look for a 'better' man to put right the damage done by men

I believe the only way is to be self reliant and not to 'need' them too much

And eyes open, don't jump into relationships quickly

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