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Tell me how to handle this situation with DS dad

40 replies

Notgivingin789 · 08/01/2016 20:38

For the past couple of years, DS dad hasn't been consistent into having a relationship with DS, who is now 6. DS dad has had a lot of problems, he was made homeless a couple of years ago, which of course affected his relationship with DS (eg. Not seeing DS as much). DS dad now lives in a hostel, though children are not allowed to spend time at that specific hostel, which DS dad always uses as an excuse to not bother to see DS.

I was with DS dad since I was young (I was 14/15, he was 15/16) and looking back, I've just realised that our relationship wasn't normal. It was highly abusive and he will pester me all the time to have sex with him. I put more into the relationship, than he ever did and I can see that he took advantage of that. I thought he will change once DS was born, I couldn't of been any more wrong. Yes he "loved" his son, but he continued to treat me like I was his property, demanding sex from me, wasn't really there for me, but whenever he was in trouble I would be there for him 100% of the time. It was like I was looking after two kids. But then again, he was homeless around that period (he was homeless for almost 4 years, sleeping over at different friend's houses nearly every week), wasn't able to get a job, even though he was applying for jobs endlessly and I often excused his unfortunate circumstances to the way he was eg. Not being there for DS and I... but sex was something he always had time for.

DS dad, did manage to secure a job around when he was 21 and now ( though he has now been fired from his current job), but he wouldn't help DS financially. I think he felt that because I'm at Uni (getting grants, benefits etc) and I had a supporting family that helped me with DS, he felt that he didn't have to provide for his son. But he would often ask me to go out with him (without DS of course) and I would tell him a countless of times that I feel like that I and DS are living our own lives and his just....well just there in the background really. He often calls me to see how DS is doing, but that's about it, he hasn't yet taken the role of being a responsible father. He is now 23 almost 24 and his still the same douche bag. He currently sees DS now and again.

I do admit that he does ask to see DS, but he will often tell me that can he spend time with DS at my house. I do say "No" to him, only because thats where most of the domestic violence was happening and even though he is allowed to see DS in my home, I don't feel yet comfortable and of course he will be pestering me for sex. He also asks to take DS to school, but I became very dubious over this, simply because he asks me to come with him to take DS to school..and I know that when both of us drop DS to school, he will again try to persuade me to have sex with him. Basically, I want him to have a relationship with his son, but I refuse sometimes that he can't see DS as I'm trying to avoid him trying to ask me for sex (because he gets very angry if I refuse). I just want him to take DS out on specific days eg. once a week in Sundays. Though he will begin to say that he has no money to take DS out anywhere or he will make promises but will often break them.

So today, DS dad rings me and his asking about DS and so forth and of course the topic of sex comes up. I then tell him ( ignoring his sex question) that DS is now 6 and that he needs to develop a consistent relationship with is son. The excuses come up...like I've said above ^^ he told me that he will take DS to school for the rest of next week (I highly doubt it), he then told me that he was going to go on casual hook up sites and told me to fuck off and hanged up.

I've now realised that all these years he was just making excuses to not take on the responsibility of being a father. It didn't matter if he was homeless or not, or if he had no money, because when he did have money, he wouldn't help DS financially at all. Am I right in saying this?

I really really want to cut ties with this man for mine and DS own sanity, as you can tell it is so draining. Though, I can't as he is DS dad and I don't want to be blamed for not allowing DS dad to have a relationship with his son. So what should I do?

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AnyFucker · 08/01/2016 20:43

are you actually still sleeping with this deviant ?