Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just need some guidence

(15 Posts)
SproutsRgreat Fri 08-Jan-16 17:30:23

While I have everything I need I am unhappy that he spends time on the internet, on Skype and emails etc. with other women. He also sends some of them gifts. He works abroad some of the time and I suspect that there has been some meeting up at some point. Now a male friend has said its not big deal and that most men do it I have just been unfortunate to have found out about this. It leaves me feeling so low, inadequate and unwanted. The more I watch I can see that he will delete an email already started when I come into view and he is smug sometimes after receiving emails etc. I feel it is a big deal despite my mate saying it isn't but feel if I confront him he is only going to use more covert methods to carry on as he is. My way of thinking is if it affect our relationship it can't be acceptable. If I say anything he will accuse me of being needy and untrusting. any advice welcome.

Jan45 Fri 08-Jan-16 17:35:52

Who cares what he says or accuses you of, what he is doing is showing you a complete lack of respect for you or the relationship - he sends them gifts - what are you still doing with him, he is taking the complete piss, as for his friend, he sounds another arsehole.

Up to you but you must be mad to put up with this.

There are other men in the world you know, that don't treat you like shit.

Please give yourself some worth and get rid.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 08-Jan-16 17:41:09

Now a male friend has said its not big deal and that most men do it

Most men do not do it and you're best advised to ditch your male friend and dump your faithless boyfriend/dh? who are clearly having a laugh at your expense.

Come on, OP! You know it's not right; your self-esteem has gone down to rock bottom level thanks to this dysfunctional relationship with a lying twunt. Wipe that smug look of his face by telling him his bullshit no longer works for you and you're off to find an honest man who'll respect and value you as much as you'll respect and value him.

Robotgirl Fri 08-Jan-16 17:47:44

His behaviour is NOT ok.

Justaboy Fri 08-Jan-16 18:03:49

Communicates with other women and sends them gifts?. Sound very bizarre.

Being on the net a lot? well I do a fair old bit of that communication with other women maybe we'll I'm a bloke on MN BUT I'm not married not in a relationship but it would be bad form if I were doing that and if i were.

I think you need to have a very serous talk with him and not by e-mail either! just pull the PC from under his nose and start with Oi!, remember me and who i am here!

MoreGilmoreGirls Fri 08-Jan-16 18:06:56

This is not ok, most men do not do this!! Get a new oh and some new friends while you are at it. You are worth more than this lying deceitful arse! Rarely does a post make me angry but this one has. He is treating you like shit, stop letting him please.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Jan-16 18:12:50

It seems you are surrounded by shitty and inadequate men

Do you have any female friends ?

SproutsRgreat Fri 08-Jan-16 18:13:42

I actually walked out on Monday, I'm fortunate to have somewhere else to go. I'm a snapper, I put up with it all until I blasts off like a pressure cooker. It is my low self esteem and loathing that has made me question it again. Yes I know it's not right and I was right in walking out. Just needed to hear it and that not all men are like him. I've also just watched the TED video in the other link. Still doesn't excuse him, only been on my own since Monday but can see how controlling he has been and that everything has always been on his terms. For someone who spends so much time online he has yet to email/text me to ask if I am ok, guess he isn't going to now. Speaks volumes. Thanks for the replies. He's done a good job on me! I felt like it was me and my fault.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Jan-16 18:14:35

Why would it be your fault that your husband is a piece of shit ?

SproutsRgreat Fri 08-Jan-16 18:17:46

no I don't have any female friends, moved around too much to keep them. I've been such a fool! I've in effect allowed him to carry on treating me this way.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Jan-16 18:19:27

Indeed you have. But now you need to put an end to it.

A female friend would have put you straight a long time ago.

SproutsRgreat Thu 14-Jan-16 09:08:10

It took him 8 days to make contact after I'd walked out and then it was just 'can we not talk?' by email. I mean that much to him he's coming around on Saturday, certainly no rush about whatever he has to say.
He's sly and will have a twist on it all to make out it's my fault. I'm making a list, quoting some of the advice from here and how it all makes me feel and the crap ways he's treated me in the past. One, on how he came back after 6 months abroad working and he brought me a gift of a ceramic frying pan, bought on expenses! No trinket for me as I've seen that he has purchased in the past. I've had 10 days on my own and feeling much stronger, it's lonely but my head isn't in a whirl of constant watching him and his reaction to emails. He's going to be confronted by a much stronger woman on Saturday.

Only1scoop Thu 14-Jan-16 09:11:44

I'd be 'busy' Saturday.

MyMoneyIsAllSpent Thu 14-Jan-16 09:35:44

I would too. A timely visit to the hairdressers, get a manicure, go for a coffee. I would not bother with the conversation, what will it achieve? He isn't likely to agree with you and change his ways, he will only make you doubt yourself again.

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 14-Jan-16 09:54:34

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a meet up, bollox to the all on his terms, if your married op file for divorce on your terms.

Let him get the shock of being served papers, and tell him to talk to your solicitor, better still email them if he likes hmmthanks

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now