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Leaving abusive relationship after 10 years

(8 Posts)
NewStartnamechange Fri 08-Jan-16 09:48:26

Hi. I have made the decision that I will be seperating from my husband, who has become increasingly verbally abusive towards me.

I have a child with him and I am scared as to what his reaction is going to be. I will be seeing a solicitor next week to work out what my rights are. It probably won't be for a few months until I can get everything sorted.

I am struggling to find the strength to do what I need to do. I am finding it hard to do all of the arrangements in secret and it is taking a toll on my mental and physical health.

I have reached out to my family and some friends and they are supportive of my decision and have offered places to stay.

I'm worried how this will impact on my child but he has seen him shout at me and the effect it has so I suppose it's already impacted on him.

I want to stay in the house with my child but I'm scared he won't leave or that if we all stay in the same house his mood will escalate further once I tell him.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 08-Jan-16 10:23:30

Have you spoken to Womens Aid?
If not then do that. They can help you with local contacts and a solicitor who is used to dealing with abuse cases.

What is the house situation?
Is it owned with a mortgage?
Is it in joint names?

Once you've had some advice and have an exit plan in place, contact police on 101 and speak to the DV division. Let them know you are ready to leave and may need their assistance if things escalate as you are leaving an abuser.
They can put your number on priority alert to get there fast should anything not go according to plan.

I'm glad you are escaping this. I hope it all goes well for you.
Well done and try to keep going.
It all seems so insurmountable.
But as they say, How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

NewStartnamechange Fri 08-Jan-16 10:32:37

Thanks Hells bells.

The house is joined owned by us.

I haven't spoken to Women's aid yet but I think that will be the next phone call

NewStartnamechange Fri 08-Jan-16 13:36:43

I've just spoken to women's aid and it's helped me focus on what I need to do next.

I feel better for getting it out in the open but I feel worse because it's becoming a reality.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 08-Jan-16 13:41:55

Well done - I'm glad WA were about to help.
It must be so hard admitting to everything.
No doubt you were a fabulous confident woman a while back but he's knocked it out of you without you even realising.
How did that happen?
How did I let it get to this?
But you can't dwell on that. They are very clever and all you need to do now is get away.
Find that person again and get it done.
Bit by bit - you'll get there.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Sun 10-Jan-16 00:31:33

Good luck - also you will have seen the law has changed and elements ya of EA are now illegal

For insurance also call local police domestic violence unit and ask for their advice

I am in the same boat (it went really badly when I told him ! ) please feel free to PM me

I am scared too xxx

NewStartnamechange Fri 15-Jan-16 20:38:59

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. I've separated and we will be in separate properties by the end of the month. All seems fairly amicable but I feel like any misstep will result in him losing his temper. I feel frightened, uncertain about the future and just weary. Am trying to keep it together for my child but it's hard.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 18-Jan-16 08:42:40

I hope it stays amicable but be prepared.
Abuser hate to lose control.
Keep in contact with Womesn Aid and if you feel threatened by him at all then call the police to have him removed.
I hope the separation goes well and you get your life back.
Well done. Keep going and keep strong.

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