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Friends with benefits?

(10 Posts)
woolystockings Thu 07-Jan-16 18:05:48

I recently split with my boyfriend as i felt a relationship was not what i needed at the moment and wanted to concentrate on myself and the children I am separated from their father some years back but we have a very amicable separation. My problem is now that I have split with my boyfriend he has not taken it very well. He would like us to get back together but I know that's not right for me. We are still in contact through text and will text a few times a day. He is lonely and I am as well. Sometimes its nice just to have someone to cuddle at the end of the day. He would like us to become as he put it friends with benefits. I'm not sure because I dont know if he could cope with that although he says he could. Then there is me will I feel cheap and end up regretting it. I dont want to lead him on to think we can be a couple again as I dont want that but I do miss his company and the intimacy of a relationship. Has anyone any advice or been in a similar situation?

Pyjamaface Thu 07-Jan-16 18:09:15

I really don't think that would work. The whole point of friends with benefits is that there are no feelings involved, if one person wants more then it will all end in tears.

Friends with benefits with someone new and no feelings involved = great

Friends with benefits with an ex = Disaster

sooperdooper Thu 07-Jan-16 18:15:19

That's a terrible idea - don't do it!!

Friends with benefits only works when theres no emotional attachment to the other person, an ex is possibly the worst person ever suggested for this type of set up, it'd end in tears, don't do it

Figwin Thu 07-Jan-16 18:16:03

Yeah, that's a no go. Wanting some company doesn't mean you should go back there. It also might be best to take a break from contacting him so much. Maybe don't reply so quickly and let it slip. It's difficult when you are feeling lonely yourself but this will probably keep cropping up if contact remains the same and he will just be in limbo.

If possible go out with friends or try a class to get out there a bit. If your kids' father has them for a day or overnight, try to fill it with something like that x

Pandora97 Thu 07-Jan-16 18:18:48

Been there, done that. My answer - NOOOOOOOOO. Big mistake. It'll start off okay but the lines will get blurred very quickly and he'll either beg you to get back with him or start acting like your boyfriend again.

Jan45 Thu 07-Jan-16 18:21:21

If you have a more filled up life you'd probably not even consider it, it's not right or fair, on him or you, I don't understand why you are texting a few times a day when the relationship is over.

pocketsaviour Thu 07-Jan-16 18:21:40

HELL NO. If you want a FWB, find someone new who you like. There is no way in hell you can make this work with an ex, especially in a case like this where he seems to have suggested it as a last desperate option to keep hold of you.

woolystockings Thu 07-Jan-16 18:22:19

Thanks I guess I already knew the answer but it helps to hear it from other people. I need to let him go its very difficult as he really doesn't have many people in his life and I feel guilty for letting him down but its not right for me and deep down I know that. I dont want to string him along so I agree with less texting and taking my time with replies. I need to be strong and do the right thing for once x

CarnivalBearSetFree Thu 07-Jan-16 19:02:45

I've done this, only it was me that wanted to get back together, not him. It's been a few months and my feelings have changed, I definitely know now that we aren't right for each other and it was the best for both of us to split. We actually get on better now than when we were together.

I know it's not for everyone but it could work out. However, there needs to be clear boundaries and if he steps over those boundaries (e.g. saying he loves you, misses you etc) then it won't work. Make it clear to him that if you do become fwb then it is not a way to get back together.

You know him best. If you think he can't handle it then don't do it.

woolystockings Thu 07-Jan-16 19:09:10

Thanks its good to hear another perspective. Glad it all worked out for you x

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