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Boy I've been speaking to says he doesn't want to get attached

(16 Posts)
AmandaMckinelly Thu 07-Jan-16 14:32:01

I have just come out of a long term relationship and was speaking to a boy our whole exchange was messages although I do know him as a person because he lives near me we spoke a lot constantly and both really liked each other straight away he was saying he wants to see me and take me out and I'm beautiful and stuff and I told him straight away I was not interested in a serious relationship because I had just left one but I still wanted to enjoy his company we continued talking he still always told me how much he liked me but then he just suddenly stopped replying I sent him messages and got ignored then he messaged me one night saying "I don't want you to think I'm messing you about I just been thinking about things and what I want and don't want to lead you on whilst I work these things out" I was confused because I don't want a relationship like that with him but I just politely agreed for him to take as much time as he needed another week went by so I messaged him again I got ignored so I asked him why he was ignoring me and he replied saying "I don't know what to say" so I said "just tell me the truth what you really want what your thinking about" and he messaged me saying "that's the thing I don't know I will end up getting to attached to you and i can't have that happening" so I just ended it there and said to message me in the future if he changes his mind , he is only 22, I'm 23. What do you think he means by he will end up getting to attached It's been confusing me ever since he said It

Jan45 Thu 07-Jan-16 14:40:45

He is full of bullshit, he likes to keep you in the wings whilst he no doubt is trying it on with other females, or is even with one.

Twice now he has ignored you and yet you still continue to contact him, wise up OP, get your self respect and ignore him - he's got you dangling.

donajimena Thu 07-Jan-16 14:43:46

Did you really text that to him. ? It sounds really needy.

Ebony69 Thu 07-Jan-16 14:49:41

I think he's politely turning you down but that you're not taking the hint. I don't see any bad intentions on his part. Let it go,

AmandaMckinelly Thu 07-Jan-16 14:56:15

Did I really say what to him ? I don't mind saying anything to out there to him because he has said some pretty needy things to me

Cabrinha Thu 07-Jan-16 15:22:56

You don't want a relationship with him.

But you told him to booty call you anyway when he changes his mind hmm

At least be honest with yourself, and stop trying to be Cool Girl Who Isn't Asking for Anything.

And stop begging him - you'll be embarrassed for yourself when you look back! Never ever keep texting someone who ignores you!

Nabootique Thu 07-Jan-16 15:25:08

In my experience this means they are busy shagging someone else whilst keeping you on the back burner with a "oh, I can't right now, I like you TOO much" line.

RedMapleLeaf Thu 07-Jan-16 15:28:09

I don't think he's done anything bad either. He's no more keeping OP on the back burner as she is he!

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 07-Jan-16 15:28:47

Stop sending him messages and go no contact with him. You are really the Fallback girl to his Mr Emotionally Unavailable.

I would now totally reassess your whole approach to relationships (what you have tried to date has not worked) and read the website entitled Baggage Reclaim.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 07-Jan-16 15:31:16

You are way too young to put up with this shite.
What did you learn about relationships growing up?
Put up any shite a man throws at you because we can't possibly live without a man????
Seriously, none of this is OK.
Bin him off.
Block, delete and ignore.
Enjoy being single and find yourself.
And if you can then attend the Womens Aid Freedom Programme before you get involved with any other 'men'. You need to learn how to spot red flags, learn your own self worth and learn to put boundaries in place that any man cannot overstep!

SpecialistSnowflake Thu 07-Jan-16 15:38:42

Yep, delete and block. He's not that into you, etc.

It doesn't matter what he's said to you in the past. It doesn't change the fact that he has rejected you more than once. Even if he capitulated and agreed to see you, he's never going to be keen. Forget him.

JE1234 Thu 07-Jan-16 15:42:19

Don't chase, your message sounded really needy. He is playing you, it's a method to intrigue you and prompt more interest. Walk away, you don't need that. Wait until you're ready to start dating again and then go elsewhere.

Threefishys Thu 07-Jan-16 16:36:30

I feel for the poor bloke. Note to OP: Men can smell a girl "who doesn't want a relationship" a mile away.

AmandaMckinelly Thu 07-Jan-16 17:49:18

I deleted his number so I would have no way to connect with him and he has since messaged me saying he's looking for something more serious than what I am so I have deleted it again and putting it down to one of those things. Thank you

SpecialistSnowflake Thu 07-Jan-16 17:57:38

You'll find someone better wink

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Thu 07-Jan-16 19:27:45

Amanda I'm so glad you've seen the light and blocked him because that's the only good bit about your posts. I know it can be hard to see the wood for the trees when you're involved, but from an outsider, who has learnt the hard way with situations just like this, here's my 2p worth...

"...then he just suddenly stopped replying I sent him messages and got ignored..."
Avoid sending a message after the previous one, especially if it was asking a question, has gone unanswered. If someone is ignoring your texts they sure as hell don't deserve any more of your time or attention.

"...then he messaged me one night saying "blah blah BS" ...but I just politely agreed for him to take as much time as he needed..."
An open invitation to be treated with zero respect. Your time is precious, start valuing it and not politely agreeing to wait around for blokes who feed you crumbs.

"...another week went by so I messaged him again..."
Shouldn't have messaged him, you left the ball in his court.

"...I got ignored so I asked him why he was ignoring me"...
Stop persuing people who ignore you, that way madness lies! You will lose your dignity and self esteem.

"...I said "just tell me the truth what you really want what your thinking about"...
Oh god, that's way too needy and heavy considering you're not in a relationship with him (not even had the first date!) and he owes you nothing. It's embarrasing, sorry.

"...and he messaged me saying "blah blah BS"
"...so I just ended it there and said to message me in the future if he changes his mind..."
Another open invitation to be treated with zero respect by a man who has shown you more than once that he's not particularly interested in you, but you've told him you're so desperate that you will allow him to booty call you if he's so incined at any point in the future to suit him.
Yup, plenty of more suitable men out there for you flowers

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