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I'm chatting online to an illegal immigrant

(144 Posts)
sparklesnpearls Wed 06-Jan-16 21:36:23

He's from Iran and on his pictures looks lovely and friendly.

His English is pretty good but he asking me to help him learn English as he doesn't want to return to his home country as he has changed his religion which is very serious there. He gave himself up to police and is now awaiting an interview with home office.

I just feel sorry for him but I'm worried about the implications of a potential relationship with him.

Any advice ?

lorelei9 Wed 06-Jan-16 21:38:06

I'm afraid my advice is stop chatting to him and don't get sucked in.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Wed 06-Jan-16 21:39:15

How did you meet him?

Have you considered the possibility he might be wanting to meet someone/anyone and convince them to marry him quickly so he can stay?? (I don't even know if that means he'd get a visa).

I'm sure refugee charities give english lessons.

Id be very cautious about a relationship.

ImperialBlether Wed 06-Jan-16 21:39:35

That's my advice, too.

FanjofortheMammaries Wed 06-Jan-16 21:42:49

He could also be talking complete bollocks I'm afraid.

ChubbyPolecat Wed 06-Jan-16 21:43:41

Feeling sorry for someone is hardly a healthy basis for a relationship!

sparklesnpearls Wed 06-Jan-16 21:52:52

Don't you think he might be also looking for love too? Maybe my head in clouds confused

TendonQueen Wed 06-Jan-16 21:57:29

Not sure how you can tell from pictures alone that someone looks 'lovely and friendly'. It's not exactly in-depth knowledge.

You can't possibly judge whether this guy is genuine, and surely you would always be in doubt whether he really liked you for you, or was trying to forge a connection purely to stay in the country. That can't be the kind of relationship you want?

RedMapleLeaf Wed 06-Jan-16 21:59:46

How have you met?

Duckdeamon Wed 06-Jan-16 21:59:54

Let's assume he's genuine: he's very likely to be made to leave rhe country and couldn't return. Not a cheery future for a relationship.

lorelei9 Wed 06-Jan-16 22:01:41

Let's say he's telling the truth. Are you attracted to drama? Would you like pay for the costs he will incur trying to stay in the UK? Will you try to go to Iran with him if he is sent back?

Why would you be interested, from what sounds like an online dating search, in getting into all that because he has a nice looking picture?

Potatoface2 Wed 06-Jan-16 22:29:06

hes 'definately looking for love too'....with more than just you i expect...probably got a whole harem of women on the internet offering to teach him english...and paying him for the privilege!....probably every word he has said is a lie....if he gave himself up to the police he would not be 'waiting for an interview with the home office'...he would have been interviewed and be in a detention centre ....has he asked you for money yet?

HandyWoman Wed 06-Jan-16 22:32:30

sparkles mate...... you see these hills >>>

RUN RUN RUN TOWARDS THEM.

Block and delete.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 06-Jan-16 22:32:54

Wow potato lots of assumptions there!
Just because he's here without papers doesn't mean he's an exploitative lothario on the lookout for targets.
However op it would be foolish to get involved with an illegal immigrant, whether he's looking for love or not he shouldn't be looking for a relationship while his immigration status is uncertain. It's irresponsible.

Katarzyna79 Wed 06-Jan-16 22:40:43

Lets imagine hes genuine still would u be willing to payfor him to stay here need 20-25k in savings in bank full time job. Wat if after all that u get hitched realise hs just used u.

Im soutg asian i hear these stories a lot.parents take their british daughters to south asia to get married. Guy makes out so genuine they like each other get married very quick since dating frowned on. Come uk work full time have savings to keep him.here.as soo. As hes legal he demands divorce or worse runs off without telling u. I know a neighbours daughter local to where i grew up. I thght she was smart but she fell into that trap. He did a runner nevrr communicated any probs golden couple. She was so happy . Ppl from third world countries or disaser zones think about no.1 they will ise u then spit u out like tasteless gum and disappear.

Sure there are some decent folk but u willing to take that risk? My mum was wise enough to tell my dad none of her kids were going back to her home country to marry to much drama and deceit. Even if u remain married give u so much troyble via family back home.

Find a british iranian here if u fancy how they lookhuge community in london minus all the headache

Sparklycat Wed 06-Jan-16 22:41:26

Is prob going to end up being a scam where you have to pay him money so he can stay etc hmm

sparklesnpearls Wed 06-Jan-16 23:01:17

Yes met him on ok Cupid a dating site.

He has been honest about being an illegal immigrant, surely would not admit that if he was fake.

Never come across this before but I do feel for these people n would like to be his friend

AnyFucker Wed 06-Jan-16 23:03:55

I am sometimes reminded of how the Internet has not always been a force for good

Right now is one of those times

hefzi Wed 06-Jan-16 23:06:03

Are you a practising Christian? The reason I am asking is that you mentioned that he has changed his religion and that's why he doesn't want to return to Iran (which technically - and sometimes actually- has the death sentence for apostasising from Islam): if you are, that's fine - no red flags. If you're not, ask yourself why someone who felt his new faith strongly enough to convert to it is now not bothered about finding a partner with the same religious strength of faith he has. Then read between the lines.

lorelei9 Wed 06-Jan-16 23:07:57

Where does he live btw?

I'm wondering if you are very lonely, OP.

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 06-Jan-16 23:08:14

You don't know how much if any of his story online is true. He might be 100% genuine and in a terrible situation. Or he might be a total chancer. But getting involved with him could mean setting yourself up for a load of angst even if he is the nicest man ever. The hoops of asylum or immigration even legally are no fun.

SuperCee7 Wed 06-Jan-16 23:08:20

Stay away. Seriously. I don't think online dating is for you if you've got sucked into this so easily

lorelei9 Wed 06-Jan-16 23:09:47

Hefzi, again, on the basis that the story was true, I don't think it necessarily follows that he would only date someone of that religion.

hefzi Wed 06-Jan-16 23:14:34

Really, lorelei? It's pretty important for believing Christians usually, (bearing in mind he's recently have converted) especially as the churches that are doing a lot of outreach with Iranians in particular tend towards the more evangelical, which tend to place a much stronger emphasis on this than the good old C of E.

When people convert to any religion, also, they tend to be more enthusiastic about things in the beginning, too - if you thought you'd found the Way, the Truth and the Life, truly, wouldn't you want to be with someone who thought the same?

noblegiraffe Wed 06-Jan-16 23:15:27

Someone who has given themselves up to the police, is awaiting home office interview and could be deported to a dangerous country is has probably got bigger things on his mind than finding true love. Like how to stay in the country. Hmm, maybe he could marry a Brit.

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