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abuser profiles thread

(19 Posts)
Lovelilies2 Wed 06-Jan-16 13:28:43

Just seen this. Excellent.
ExP is doing an Oscar winning performance of The Victim at the moment, complete with screen shots of my Facebook posts from the summer stating how he wants 'my lovely family back'.
He's apparently travelled down to London to 'say a final goodbye ' to his abusive parents (and blame them for all that is wrong with him right now). Calls me yesterday to say 'I've left home' --you're 43 years old, exp, you left home a long time ago! --
The drama is just so ridiculous.
Picture texts last night of me, him, our DS and my DD, and the caption 'This is us'
Following advice form MN I ignore all those texts and most voice calls, just communicate regarding DS contact and finances.
He's supposedly buying me out of our house and taking me off the mortgage, I'm buying a little house for me and dcs, but I need my share of the equity to pay deposit and for some renovations before we can move in. He's promised me half now (whenever I ask for it, he's 'dealing with it').
I'm exhausted by it all.
Sorry for long ramble, MN has been a tower of strength to me over last 3 years, I'm sorry to say it's taken me that long to leave him despite being advised to.

Lovelilies2 Wed 06-Jan-16 13:34:53

I think the pot of my post was that I keep starting to feel sorry for him so need to constantly reassure myself that it is he who is the bastard and not me for taking his family away.

Lovelilies2 Wed 06-Jan-16 13:35:10


FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Wed 06-Jan-16 13:37:54

3 years?! Is that all? grin I think I took 5 from the first LTB to walking out the door.

Well done you for finding your way.

I still remember xh begging me for a small piece of jewellery of mine because, "it was all he had left of his loving family that he'd thrown away". I told him that it was worthless and he was welcome to it.

I left with less than half of our assets because I thought I was being fair.

Turns out he told everyone I fleeced him anyway grin

The "poor victim" is fascinating to watch from afar.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Wed 06-Jan-16 13:38:31

And to reassure you, it's definitely him and not you!

flippinada Wed 06-Jan-16 13:40:02

It's definitely him and not you! I'm not familiar with your other threads but would I be right in guessing he has form for manipulative behaviour?

Lovelilies2 Wed 06-Jan-16 13:43:01

Oh yes, he's a Grand Master! I think he actually believes all his own bullshit.

Lovelilies2 Wed 06-Jan-16 13:43:39

My old username was MistletoeBUTNOwine

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Wed 06-Jan-16 13:47:32

I remember you, so glad you've managed to get out smile it's normal to have doubts. Just read back over your threads if you need reminding.

Good luck flowers

flippinada Wed 06-Jan-16 13:54:41

I remember now. It's very, very definitely not you! Well done on getting out.

Lovelilies2 Wed 06-Jan-16 14:10:03

Thank you thanks
Honestly, you don't know how much it means to have a load of strangers on the internet cheering you along and convincing you you're not going crazy!

Jan45 Wed 06-Jan-16 14:15:15

Keep going, you're doing great - you don't need to have a loser like him to have a family, you have one already.

Marchate Wed 06-Jan-16 15:05:34

"Victims" are a source of great amusement once you realise their game. They are so obvious

flippinada Wed 06-Jan-16 15:35:29

Aren't they though?

Thing is, if they put as much effort into being a decent partner/spouse/parent as they did into their tedious mind games, they'd probably still have a happy relationship and family. Somehow this never seems to occur to them.

Jan45 Wed 06-Jan-16 15:50:30

Good point Flipp.

flippinada Wed 06-Jan-16 16:02:10

What amazes me constantly about these abusive types is how predictable (predictably awful) they are. I never realised this until I came on MN and started talking to others about it!

Marchate Wed 06-Jan-16 18:31:52

The profiles are very enlightening and well observed. How can those men be so unoriginal?!

Aussiemum78 Thu 07-Jan-16 00:24:28

Do you have a solicitor to sort out the house? He might be stalling so he can avoid paying you.

Lovelilies2 Thu 07-Jan-16 09:12:21

He is apparently seeing a solicitor on Friday regarding house. He's had it valued by an estate agent which I thought was too low, so I had one done too there's a 15k difference which he refuses to meet in the middle.
I will see a solicitor next week (££sad)
To get it sorted.

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