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Fiance asks me strange questions that make me uncomfortable. Does his behaviour seem abnormal?(193 Posts)
I work a full time job and also a part time job on weekends. In my work, there is a forced leave period during christmas for 2 weeks. This year, on top of this forced leave, I took an extra day break on a Monday before I went back to work on Tuesday.
When I told my fiance about this, he asked me 'why do you take an extra day off?' My response to this was 'I just want an extra holiday'. The way he asked me was in a questioning tone and in a blunt manner. He then appeared unsatisfied with my answer, and continued to question me, he said 'isnt a 14 day holiday enough? Why do you want to take an extra day on top of the 14 day holiday?' He then said that most people take two weeks not two weeks and 1 day as it seems unusual.
I didn't know the answer to this. For me it is just an extra day off, there are no other or further reasons as to why I would take an extra day. To me of course any extra holidays are better than not having any holidays, but an extra day would be better than an extra 1 week as I can save more on annual leave.
He appeared to be annoyed and agitated at my inability to answer him. I got annoyed at him and decided to turn the questioning on him. There was a period of time where before he met me, he decided to quit his job and after that had more than 1 year off work. He quit his job by choice. He could have stayed at his job and found another one and moved to another job, however he quit and didn't work for 1 year and lived off his parents.
So I decided to fire this and question him on this aspect. I asked him 'why he didn't work and decided to quit the job and have a 1 year holiday.' I said most people try to keep their jobs and find another one before quitting. I said how could he not get worried living off his parents.
He gave me the following response 'that he quit because he felt the job didnt give him enough experience' and that he didn't mind living off his parents because they had no mortgage to pay and food is not that expensive.' (he lived in Ukraine back then)
Then I questioned him as to why he would ask me about my extra day off, what his motive was behind asking such a question.
He said that he had no motive behind it, that he doesnt mind if I take an extra day off and doesnt care about money or that sort of thing. He said that he just wanted to get an understanding behind why I wanted to take an extra day off after 14 days of holidays and why 14 days was not enough. He wanted to understand the logic behind why I wanted to take an extra day off he said.
However I find that hard to believe, as if it is just a light hearted curiosity, why would you ask it so seriously and be unsatisfied with my answer? He would ask, then I would answer and he would move on as it is no big deal.
He then said to me that I could have answered that by saying that I wanted an extra day to have a rest. The funny thing is I answered him in a similar manner however he wasn't satisfied with the answer in the first place!
Does this behaviour or question seem completely ridiculous? Im beginning to think he has some very different thinking patterns and enjoys to proof things when things are so insiginificant. I am beginning to think there is something completely autistic about this and I am starting to lose my respect for him.
Another example once was this:
I told him that cockroaches can climb up sinks when dropped into a sink. My parents also told him this that they have seen it with their own eyes that cockroaches can climb up sinks.
However he still appeared to not believe this as he had not seen it with his own eyes. He appeared to believe that they can't climb up as they will slip.
One day he came home and a cockroach was in the kitchen, he caught it and decided to test the 'theory'. He put the cockroach in the sink and the cockroach climbed up very fast in 1 second up the side of the sink.
He then believed the theory.
Another example was this:
We caught a mouse in a mouse trap. He looked at the mouse and found that it was a little big in the stomach. He thought that this mouse was pregnant but not 100% sure. So therefore he dissected the dead mouse and opened up the stomach which revealed that it had unborn babies.
He felt he had to prove that he was right by doing this. He felt that he had to prove himself right.
Do men normally do this?? Is this something that men are more likely to do?
He told me that he always felt different to others, and that he felt hard to connect with others but he doesnt know what it is.
After being with him for 3 yrs I dont know what it is about him either. At times I feel he is completely normal but other times I feel like there is some serious disconnect with his brain to the average person. However it is hard for me to define the average person as everyone is different..
What is your opinions on this?
Assuming you had three weekends in that period you probably had 17 days off. Does that derail his argument? I'd avoid tit for tat arguing, it all sounds like it got a bit childish.
He dissected a mouse
He sounds unhinged to me.
Sorry, forgot to say it does sound like he has slightly unusual thought patterns but not beyond the realms of believability. Some people are just more inquisitive. I don't want to start throwing around armchair diagnoses but I'm sure someone will soon.
He dissected a pregnant mouse?
Didn't find anything strange til the mouse dissection!
That in itself is enough to send me running. WTF?
I couldn't be with someone who dissects a pregnant mouse.
I have seen people who dissect mice or things in biology labs, on google images. Why do they do it in biology class at school, dissecting small animals eg frogs etc. On one hand its to do with science and finding out theories? My fiance has an engineering background, perhaps he is mentally wired to think more scientifically? eg proving theories etc.
It all sounded normal and tit for tat, until the mouse dissection. Not normal behaviour at all! And far more worrying and abnormal than asking why you've taken an extra day off work.
Yes people dissect mice in labs for scientific purposes, not to prove a point. That's just plain weird. And why on earth do you look at images of mice being dissected
This all sounds very odd.
Yes in labs it's for a purpose, a home dissection because you're curious is weird.
He's on the spectrum
^ and this
I think its odd that you booked another day off. I think your response to him was cagey and your attack on him suspiciously defensive.
But you both sound like incredibly hard work. Does it not exhaust you to constantly have these battles?
I think some people like to learn by experience, and curiosity. I don't see any problem in dissecting a dead mouse.
It is a bit strange to take annual leave of 2 weeks and 1 day leave.
Most people take 2 weeks and would use the one day to make a long weekend sometime. Maybe he just didn't understand your logic, but after you explained there was no particular reason he should stop asking.
I have dissected animal organs, frogs and humans as part of my education. Obviously for different reasons and circumstances but it is for learning.
Honestly, there is really no strong evidence that your fiance is on the autism spectrum. And even if he was, why should you respect him less because of it? You've been with him long enough to decide that you want to marry him, surely you love him and respect him enough in spite of his quirks. Sure, dissecting a mouse is very weird but it seems like that's not really bothering you that much in itself, so who cares?
The annual leave thing is a little meh. Cockroach up sink - simple fascination maybe?
Dissecting a pregnant mouse - WTAF this is hugely disturbing 🐭
I see no problem with the mouse either. I wouldnt personally do it but i get why he did. Some people need things to be resolved one way or another. My dad follows noises in the house til he finds out where they are coming from even if its very likely to be something obvious. He just likes to be sure.
I wish I hadn't read your OP, it made me feel rather sick tbh.
Same here Nicki I'm surprised more posters aren't at the mouse dissecting.
Just a disclaimer, although he has dissected a mouse (more of as an experiment), he has never being violent towards me, hurt me or had some terrible temper to me.
Why would dissecting a dead mouse out of curiosity suggest he had a violent temper? he didnt dissect it in a fit of rage did he?
No he didnt dissect it in fit of rage. Just for curiosity. However I have read that animal cruelty often signifies that violent behaviour could occur in future or delinquency.
How you plan your leave is up to you. If the extra day was a Monday then I sort of get that, it always feels easier for me to go back to work on any other day but Monday!
Arguing about like you did sounds like bloody hard work and more than a little immature.
But who the fuck brings a live cockroach into the house and then dissects a mouse? I'd be running for the hills. He could have looked it up online. Loads of info out their on mammalian biology. What will be do next to satisfy his curiosity?
Dissection in biology classes at school is to study anatomy; at universities dissection is also used to study the effects of substances on the body eg pre clinical drug trials. Not for the fun of it. Where did he do this dissection and with what - not in your kitchen with your knives you use for food I hope
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