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Not the type of girl men want to marry

(37 Posts)
Notagirltomarry Mon 04-Jan-16 21:36:30

Sat I bed alone and crying again. Think my friend was right when she said "your the type of girl men love to chase, but not the type of girl they will marry"

I'm 35 and a single mum to 4, two failed relationships with my dc's dads and finally back in the summer thought I had found the one... I feel head over heels for him straight away which is very unusual for me, I thought I was going to finally get my fairytale and live happily ever after, found out few weeks ago he wasn't being totally honest with me and I am heartbroken.

All around me everyone seems to get their fairytales except me!

My friend is right, I have no shortage of Intrest, I'm attractive and have a good figure, I'm to bloody nice for my own good, I'm fun, yet men never seem to want me for anything more than casual.

I'm starting to think I'm going to be alone for ever.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Mon 04-Jan-16 21:41:37

Firstly, your friend sounds a bit of a cow.
Secondly, I would be wondering what it is she means and what it is about you?

Are you seen as a fun time girl?

Being single at your age means nothing. The guys just weren't the right ones for you

RealityCheque Mon 04-Jan-16 21:43:08

Do you think having four kids is a factor? How old are they?

Taking on four step-kids really is a huge commitment.

Eekaman Mon 04-Jan-16 21:47:48

It is very sad but true, taking on 4 kids is a very big ask.

Keep living your life the way you want to live it, you will be fine - you are bringing up three kids, thats way harder than simply finding some bloke who treats you ok. More rewarding too. Blokes, who needs them.

Good luck op - and tell your bitchy mate to bugger off.

Pixilicious Mon 04-Jan-16 21:47:53

I didn't meet my now husband until
I was 38 and had chilled out about meeting someone. I was happy to be a single mum and had taken the pressure of myself. And your friend sounds a bitch!!

Headmelt Mon 04-Jan-16 21:53:58

Dump your 'friend'. That's an awful thing to say to anyone never mind a friend.
You will find your prince when you least expect it smileflowers

Notagirltomarry Mon 04-Jan-16 21:55:05

Yes she says I'm to kind and fun, says I need to be more of a bitch to make men want me..... But that's just not me!

I had 3 children when I met my last partner and though we didn't live together we were in a relationship for 3 years when we dad our child together!

Then the last one who I thought was my soulmate, didn't care at all that I had four children, just a shame he wasn't totally truthful about his current situation until I get a call out the blue from his GF sad

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Mon 04-Jan-16 22:06:39

Ouch to the last one!

Honestly, ditch your 'friend'. I had one a bit like that, reckoned I needed to change,dress more slutty etc I wasn't in the slightest bit interested, wasn't looking to meet anyone at all and she is no longer a friend. Her ideal man, standards and life style are way different to mine so I'll take that as the reasoning behind her opinions ;)

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Mon 04-Jan-16 22:12:43

I was once told the opposite; that my friend was the type of girl men want to fuck and I was the sort they wanted to marry.

It didn't make it true though!

Don't put too much stock in what your 'friend' has said.

HooseRice Mon 04-Jan-16 22:22:00

No one actually gets a fairytale.

Well Cinderella but she married a bloke with a foot fetish grin

Sorry you've been hurt, but your friend is talking out of her arse.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Mon 04-Jan-16 22:27:51

Aww don't say that Hoose I'm still holding out for a fairy tale one day!

Nightzone Mon 04-Jan-16 22:32:10

I'd stop thinking about fairytales and soul mates. For me they don't exist.

Just be you and see what happens. If nothing else you at least have four lovely children in your life who I'm sure adore you.

Bide your time for your next relationship and fin out what you are all about. There is no rush.

Ignore friend.

mildredbogeywoman Mon 04-Jan-16 22:42:33

I used to think this. Then I realised I was scared of attachment myself and was subconsciously choosing the wrong men. Read Mr unavailable and the fallout girl.

It's not you.

mildredbogeywoman Mon 04-Jan-16 22:43:04

And you only have to watch Jeremy kyle to realise no one is not marriage material

PaulDirac Mon 04-Jan-16 22:51:10

Sorry to hear you're sad but maybe part of the problem is that you're looking for a fairytale. I wonder if you're the type to rush from one relationship to another without learning to be happy with your own company. And you're a woman not a girl.

Notagirltomarry Mon 04-Jan-16 22:57:31

No I am happy on my own, I was alone except for few dates hear and there for 4 years when I split from my first partner, then again for a year after last, just really thought this one was different, never ever felt like that about anyone before so kind of thought he was the one, he didn't mind about my children everything was looking and sounding great until the matter of his GF popped up!

I'm fine about being alone, have no Intrest in meeting anyone at present just feeling very heartbroken over him and guess what my friend said is playing I my mind

Imstickingwiththisone Mon 04-Jan-16 22:59:35

I'm sorry you're so upset OP but please disregard what your friend has said. She has no idea what every single man looks for in a woman as everyone is different.

I think 4 children is probably a factor and your last relationship was with a lying twat so was never going to be a long term relationship / marriage but unfortunately you weren't privy to that beforehand.

I do wonder if a pp is partly right. I have a friend and every man she wants to get serious with is so obviously a complete arse hole who will break her heart I wonder how the hell she can't see it herself.

Pipestheghost Mon 04-Jan-16 23:03:07

'Friends' don't say things like that to each other.
I'm sure in time you'll meet someone, not sure about the fairytale thing though smile

PaulDirac Mon 04-Jan-16 23:03:56

Well don't listen to your friend. She was either making a dig or just said the wrong thing without thinking. There isn't a type of woman who gets married vs a type who doesn't. People are all different. You have clearly been unfortunate in picking the wrong partner. Was the break up recent?

I just thought maybe by 'too kind and too fun' your friend meant you don't put your own needs first enough? I don't think you should change in order to attract a man but if you are guilty of being overly nice to others at the cost of your own happiness I think that is worth changing.

DragAct Mon 04-Jan-16 23:13:58

Your 'friend' is talking through her ass. Those faux-wise generalisations mean nothing, other than that she has some very odd ideas about men. If there are types, I'm the type that is more interested in books than people, cold, impatient unwisely and unmaternal, and solitary, and I'm happily married with a child.

I'm more worried about your repeated phrase 'get my fairytale' - there are no fairy tales, OP, just people and relationships, with all their flaws.

DragAct Mon 04-Jan-16 23:14:35

Unwifely, not unwisely.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Mon 04-Jan-16 23:20:50

I think 'get my fairytale' isn't quite meant the way some are taking it. I get what the op means (I think).

Generalisations though, ridiculous isn't it? The 'type' of 'girl' one man may marry is the worst nightmare of another and likewise women with men! If you want to put it into types. There are some men out there who marry a woman who will marry a woman who will regularly drink them under the table while other men would hate that, some who marry a homey woman, some who marry travelling thrill seekers etc etc. It's just down to fitting and accepting,along with the rest ;)

Different strokes for different folks smile

Notagirltomarry Mon 04-Jan-16 23:21:45

Thank you all think I'm just being a bit of a wimp now dc's are all off in bed and feeling sorry for myself!

I know life isn't a fairytale just sometimes seems like that's what everyone else is getting... I.e swept of there feet when I get bullshit from unavailable men!

I'm usually pretty strong and just get in with it, just feeling overly emotional and down today

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Mon 04-Jan-16 23:28:35

You're not being a wimp, you're being human. I reckon a lot of us have had those 'why not me?' moments even though perfectly happy alone, there can be the occasional fleeting thought. Especially when horrible people get their 'fairytale'. I remember feeling really crap once when my junky,alcholic,workshy/prostitute,scrounging,cheating, violent criminal sister got engaged. It made me feel like utter shit that someone like that could be so loved when I couldn't. But then I remembered that her bloke is just like her. Nothing to feel bad about there at all is theregrin

Holowiwi Mon 04-Jan-16 23:34:33

It's certainly possible, it will be difficult for sure with 4 children but for some men this wouldn't be an issue. Just keep your standards high and don't settle for some douchebag, goodluck.

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