I am positing here in hopes someone has some ideas. My 64yr old semi-retired dad is visiting and I am running out of patience (have a 2 yr old and am 8 months pregnant): my toddler said the other day 'grandad crying' and that is the reality.. I can hear him in the lounge now (5am) crying.
I know this is his depression: he has been depressed (and seeking treatment - psychologist - and taking medication) for 5yrs; the last 2 yrs more intensively, after a small business semi-failure. There was a lot of workplace stress he took home (yelling / crying / anger about employee mistakes - he emotionally abused my mum a lot) and 2 yrs ago, had a breakdown and the bank forced him to step side and my mum / brother are running it now until we can sell. It was a good thing but he cannot see it. He moved away (closer to my sister) and has a complicated personal relationship from his wife (my mum: he is upsets now, because it is increasingly likely that she will seek a divorce because she is over his dramas and abuse.. He yells and screams and cries a lot. He can be fun but that guy seems lost - whether in mental illness or personality, I not sure. We thought he might have early onset dementia as he is very disorganised and forgets a lot, but doctors say it just ageing / stress / depression).
He carries a lot of anger about all this and we have spend many many hours (over YEARS) talking about this... And I just cannot do it anymore. We can talk for hours a day (he is crying and yelling) and then he forgets we have talked / I have listened and the next day it is the same ' woe is me' story again. He cannot see the mistakes he made and there is no gratitude at all for my mum/brother stepping in to help at a really difficult time.. We just fight (because he complains about family shutting him out now; b/c he yells at them on phone) and then he cries on the couch.
I know this is the depression but is it his personality too?? He can cry 1-2 hours a day (at least)... And then yell - at what point do his drugs stop this / will they ?? (they just do not seem to help! And they cause him to be so sleepy as well). We have all asked him / tried to book a health / depression retreat as a 're-boot' chance for a few weeks, but he won't. I don't know what else to do.
Yesterday I said to him: I need to ban talking about the past business stuff in 2016. I can talk about future stuff (offers etc) but I cannot keep talking about the past - and he got all upset about how people don't ban topics of conversation etc. And I said: I am pregnant and over it.. (I have high blood pressure in this pregnancy and am on lots of drugs.. so I do not need stress)
I cannot do this anymore.. We need strategies and boundaries.
How do I enforce then? He is here for another 10 days.
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Visiting father - lots of tears, depression/anger, retirement.. Any suggestions
10 replies
EveEve13 · 04/01/2016 20:20
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